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26 May 2013, 1:19 AM

Dear Paula,

I want to ask how you are doing, but I know that is a question that is much easier to ask than to answer. Grief is a journey and cannot be summed up in one answer to a simple How are you? But remember we are here if you want to talk.
Thinking of you.
Colleen 
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Reply by lilbear
27 May 2013, 8:16 PM

Hi Colleen,
Thank you for asking.  It is a very tough question to answer and truly, I am not sure where or how to begin.
It all still seems very surreal. I cannot seem to fully accept that they are both gone forever. I think it's even harder to comprehend my Mother's because it was so completely out of the blue and quick.  However, when I feel like that, I am often riddled with guilt feelings about "down playing" my Father's illness and death.
We had a beautiful memorial gathering to honour both of them last week.  There were a lot of people that turned out for it and my brother and I are both very glad that we did it. However, it was very difficult to switch gears and then try to prepare for my son's confirmation yesterday.  This week has been very hard for me....so many different emotions.
I find myself experiencing anxiety at times and just so overwhelmed by everything that has happened and everything that needs to be done yet. I feel like I am spinning sometimes - all jumpy and full of pent up energy and at the same time not wanting to do anything. Worked up and tired out all at once - does that make any sense? Undecided
There are a lot of times where I feel so very "normal" and then that makes me feel guilty too! How can I be acting/feeling normal? I figured I would have been curled up in the fetal position just balling my eyes out! There are times when something just triggers emotions and I do have a good cry, it's just not as often as I was expecting.
I am having the hardest time trying to think about when to go back to our store and re-open. I think some days I really need it...but I know it's going to be hard and very emotionally draining. How do you go to work knowing you may spend most of the day crying and tellin people about what has happened? Maybe it's worse the longer I avoid it though.
Here's a question: How do you know if you need bereavement counselling???? 

Anyhow, I think that's all I have right now.  I am sure I will be back on!  The support here is appreciated and needed!   
Thanks,
Paula  
  
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Reply by NatR
27 May 2013, 11:05 PM

Hi Paula, 

Just read your post.  I am sure that you are going to go on for a long time feeling a huge mixture of emotions.

About your question ..whether you need counselling or not...frankly...this is my own personal point of view...not professional.  Just want to say that if you still feel overwhelmed a few weeks after your loss...you could ask for an appointment to speak to a counsellor...and they will be better able to evaluate you and suggest what you need...

I hope others will add their thoughts to this thread..

Wishing you a good evening...I know its a challenge...but hang in there;)
NatR 
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Reply by marstin
28 May 2013, 1:19 AM

Hi Paula,

It is not unusual to feel like you're floating along. It is okay to feel 'normal' at times and to feel totally out of control the next. You may find days when you know you need to be doing something but feel frozen and unable to move forward. It's okay. You have to be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to take days off when necessary. It has helped me keep my sanity through back to back losses. I also found that I have not cried as much as I thought I would or stopped facing each day as it comes. We must find our new 'normal' and that isn't easy to do. Please don't beat yourself up by thinking you have downplayed your Father's death. You gave it your all and more, It is very difficult to stay focused on one person's passing when you are struggling to deal with the imminent passing of another. I know I was in a complete fog trying to spend every day at the hospital with my mom when my husband had just passed away the day before she went in. Your mind just can't take it all in at once. I think we would go crazy if we tried to do that.

As far as the councelling, I think it is a personal decision. For myself I found that I had far too many things to deal with to be able to possibly allow myself to fall apart and become useless. I just started my councelling two weeks ago on the 10 month anniversary of my husbands death. My councellor says that this is not uncommon. Are you taking any medication to deal with your grief or just allowing yourself to feel whatever comes your way?

Reopening your store will definitely be difficult but I'm sure that people will be compassionate and will understand your tears. As time goes on, it will become a little easier but right now you are very raw. Be kind to yourself and don't worry about other people's reaction to your emotions. It's a long, tough road but we are all here for you and will do our best to prop you up.

Hugs,
Tracie
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