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Reply by marstin

29 Mar 2013, 4:43 AM

Hi lilbear,

It's good to hear that things are falling into place for you. It must have warmed your heart to see your Mom's excitement at seeing your children and I'm sure it meant so much to them too to be around Grandma. I know that my Mom would light up at the sight of her grandchildren when she was ill. There is such a special bond that I don't think we truly are allowed to understand until we become grandparents too.

Thank goodness that the doctors are working quickly to do the operation and if it were to be on Easter Sunday it would be so wonderful. I'm sure that your children will be able to catch up on any schoolwork after they get back and their love will help you to cope with all that has been happening in your life.

My thoughts are with you.
Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by Mark99

29 Mar 2013, 12:39 PM

Lilbear:

I am very pleased to read about your Mom and the children. I find the narrative you are sharing important to my growth and understanding of my wife’s death. Though the amplitude of the highs and lows are heart breaking I am touched by your ability to share and see beyond what you are faced with. You have come alive here at least for me.

I am hopeful for you and the family while remaining committed to offering whatever support from this distance can help you. You and your story is what is right with hospice and online communities. It gives me pause and reinforces my beliefs. Thank you.

Mark

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Reply by lilbear

29 Mar 2013, 1:00 PM

Oh Mark,
You have touched my heart. I am so glad to know that this is helpful too.
I am so very happy to have found this forum. I am finding it so helpful to come on to release some emotions and to be heard and understood.
My brother should be on his way home finally today. I hope he can come see my Mom asap.
Well, off to the hospital.
Ttyl,
Lilbear

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Reply by cocopham

29 Mar 2013, 1:20 PM

Dear Lilbear,

All things being relative, this is good news !

You bring your children to see Grandma, and they are with you all this time!

There is a blessing from UP ABOVE that your mother is having the surgery on Easter Sunday ; the Resurrection of the Lord certainly will have a beneficial (if not miraculeous) impact on your mother i am sure...
Our prayers follow you during this whole time and it is wonderful that one of the children's family is praying especially for your parents. It is so wonderful how children understand all this suffering...

Hoping and Praying that all will go well for your father and mother, as well as for your own little family in Kingston,
warmest hugs to all,
cocopham

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Reply by Plum1

29 Mar 2013, 6:29 PM

Dear Lilbear,

I am on my way out to a Good Friday Service as I read these last messages. I want you to know that you, your mother and all the family are in my prayers this weekend. I can hardly believe that the surgery will take place on Easter Sunday, but know that it will hold blessing for your mother. She is surrounded by love.

Certainly the presence of the children is a special gift. It brings life to your mother, and it is an experience that will remain with them forever. Illness and suffering are never easy, but love allows them to be transformed into what can be lived through together.

Thank you for sharing your heart and hope. It makes this time of Easter more real.

Plum1

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Reply by lilbear

29 Mar 2013, 11:54 PM

That was a long day. Sat at the hospital with my Mom for almost 8 hours. She's so sad and frightened it breaks my heart. She just cannot bare all of what is happening and says the most terrifying things to me about dying, etc.
The surgeon came to see us today and I was shook up all over again. They are trying to get her in for a biopsy asap so that she can get back to our local hospital so we can spend whatever time we can with my Dad as well. This waiting is so hard on her.
I am so scared of what they may find. She does not want to live if it is bad as she doesn't want to see me and my family suffer through the same thing we have been through with my Dad.
Praying hard and trusting in God to get us all through this.
Lilbear

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Reply by Plum1

30 Mar 2013, 12:50 AM

Dear Lilbear,

I am so sad to hear of your very difficult day. I can feel the fear and distress in both you and your mother. So painful, as you say, waiting to find out just what is happening in your mother. It is understandable that your mother is making such comments about dying and wishing to die when she is so anxious. And she is torn between her own health issues and the concerns she has for all the family. That is a great deal of suffering.

There does not seem to be an easy way through this time. I hope you can be as gentle as possible with yourself, patient with all the feelings in you and your mother. Keep reminding yourself that feelings are energies flowing around within and always changing. I pray that you will not get too caught in each feeling, but simply acknowledge it and let it pass through. Sharing the feelings here will , hopefully, support you in this and release some of the pain.

There are prayers and energies of love surrounding you as you walk this journey. I hope you can experience all of this.

How are you sleeping? I will pray that you have the sleep you need to give you strength this weekend.

Sending Peace and Love,
Plum1

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Reply by lilbear

30 Mar 2013, 4:39 PM

I finally was able to talk to my brother last night. He was literally stepping off the plane when he texted me and I discovered that he did not get any of my messages and so I had to tell him all that was happening. He was understandably shaken. He was quick to ask what I needed him to do. I told him to come to kingston because I need him here to support me and Mom when we get any results. He is currently on his way and will be spending tonight here atleast.
I am so relieved that he has finally come home.
We are having another hard day of waiting again!
Lilbear

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Reply by marstin

31 Mar 2013, 12:01 AM

Hi lilbear,

What a shock that must have been for your brother. It's funny sometime's how even when there is a bit of friction between siblings, a sick parent can pull you back together and create a special bond. It will be nice for you to not have to be making all of the decisions by yourself. That is so difficult to do. Have you heard anymore on when they are going to try to do the biopsy? The waiting and worrying is sometimes the hardest thing to do.

Sending hugs and prayers to you,
Tracie

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Reply by lilbear

31 Mar 2013, 12:17 AM

We have spent 2 days waiting and just were told she was going in and 5 minutes later they cancelled it due to an emergency c section. Omg, what a nightmare! She is a mess-crying all day waiting. My brother is planning to leave again tomorrow and I'll be doing it all again! Atleast they are planning to visit my Dad on their way home.

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