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Reply by NatR
31 Mar 2013, 2:57 AM

Dear Lilbear,

your life is up and down and I am sure the stress is with it.  Your brother at least has returned and it seems the ball is still in your court.

glad that you keep writing and getting responses.  If only we could give you a Map or a magic pill - but all I can do is let you know I am here listening and that you will put each foot in front if the other - and get through this.

 i sincerely hope that surgery happens quickly and that you can get your mom back home and closer to your dad.

i am thinking of you and wishing I could give you a real hug instead of a cyber hug.

sending a prayer,
Nat R 
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Reply by cocopham
31 Mar 2013, 12:28 PM

Just would like to mention that at the our prayers are with you last night at the Easter Vigil mass...
We are here and we are listening to your mother's and your own sufferings....
We pray that the waiting would be over soon, and please hang in there, one day at a time.
Hope that you can still sleep at nnight to gather strength for the day...
How about checking with a pharmacist, he can give you some good advice with a natural herb to help you get some sleep (incase you are too anxious and stressed out to fall asleep).

May God grant you strength and peace in these difficult times,
cocopham
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Reply by lilbear
01 Apr 2013, 7:33 PM

Thank you for your continued support and prayers.
My Mom did get in yesterday morning for the biopsy.   The news was not promising.  I had truly believed that it was going to be okay.  But, the surgeon told us that from what he can see it looks abnormal and it presents as aggressive.   We will not get the pathology results for 7 - 10 days.  Isn't that brutal!  They are going to try starting her with some physical therapists, etc to try to get her more mobile again and work on speech.  She will hate everything about that!  I feel like she knew something was bad when we were waiting for the surgery. She kept trying to tell me things and her tone was quite urgent sometimes.  I especially remember her talking about my kids and how important they are to her and to remember that they are just kids so have good times with them and not be so serious.  I've been very serious lately obviously with all that is going on.
She also expressed quite definitely that if it is bad then they should just let her die.  She does not want to see all of us dealing with the suffering again like with my Dad.
My brother has been very caring and although he could not stay in Kingston,  he is constantly in touch and reminding me to look after myself.  He is very worried that I have been thrown into too much and keeps telling me to let him know what he can do and what I need.
None of us think that my mother will have the strength or will to fight this.  It saddens me, but I really cannot
blame her for it.
Since she was still in the recovery area and very groggy 
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Reply by lilbear
01 Apr 2013, 7:38 PM

Sorry...computer problems. 

Since she was waiting for a bed and still very groggy,  I decided to take a break from it all today.  We took the kids out to get some clothes since we have run out of clean clothes,  and bought them some toys, etc.
I feel bad for not going to the hospital but it has been a week since I took a break.  I am exhausted and sore and want my own bed so bad.  Hopefully we will be able to go home soon.
Lilbear 
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Reply by marstin
01 Apr 2013, 9:44 PM

oh Lilbear I can sense how overwhelming this is for you. It's good to hear that your brother is being so supportive as you truly do need someone to lean on right now who is going through the same pain.

You need to take time out for you and not feel guilty about it. You can't carry on unless you allow yourself some form of self care too. Your children are a good diversion and as they are probably scared right now too, your role as a Mom is very important. I would guess that's what your Mom was thinking when she asked you to not be so serious. Mom's always put their kids first. I know that my Mom felt so bad when she first went into the hospital because she knew how desperately I needed her since my husband had just passed away. As her daughter all I could say was' just work on getting out of this place, then you can help me'. At that time I had the overwhelming fear that it would never happen and as life would have it, it became reality. You know how much your Mom loves you and that she knows how difficult everything is right now. She only wishes that she could make it better for you and not put you through so much. She would want you to take breaks.

The waiting for results is sometimes the hardest thing as it just gives your mind so much to worry about. Maybe you could try going for walks or take the kids out for mindless afternoon or snuggle with your husband. He is probably feeling overwhelmed by all of this too. Please remember that you need to find a way to relieve the pressure and be gentle with yourself.

hugs,
Tracie
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Reply by NatR
01 Apr 2013, 11:24 PM

Dear Lilbear,

i am so sorry that the news about your mom is filled with waiting and worry.
its hard too for your mom - being aware of the waiting for resulta and worrying  about what comes next 

i am heart broken for you as you wait this out - worrying and trying to keep going.

tracie had great words for you about taking care of yourself while going through all of this.
you are the centre of the wheel, the hub that takes the weight as everything else spins around you.

do take care of yourself - you are vital to your parents and it seems your brother is finally realizing just how much you do.

is there any way you can ask him to take turns with you over the next few days? I know distance is a factor but seriously you could use a back up person to give you a break .

as a daughter doing this for your mom is the best gift you can give her, the gift of time spent together, the support and everything you are doing

sending you a prayer and thinking of your family
hugs
NatR 
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Reply by Plum1
02 Apr 2013, 12:25 AM

Dear Lilbear,

I ache with you as you wait for the results of your Mom's biopsy, especially when the surgeon has not given you positive news so far. So much to hold at once! Your Mom's presentiments, her indication that she may not wish to continue on this long journey for herself, and for all of you who have already suffered so much. At the same time, your children's needs are immediate and constant. You are, understandably, exhausted and longing for a familiar place of comfort.

As everyone else has already said, I hope you can find ways to care for yourself, however simple they may be. Treat yourself to something. I am glad that your are experiencing your brother's support although he cannot be there.

Yesterday, I spoke to my closest friend who has just been diagnosed with cancer. He needs further surgery to determine the seriousness and he spoke of the waiting for each step to unfold. I feel so much for all of you who wait, and I am helpless to take away the angst of it. All I can do is send the energy of my love and presence.

Much still lies ahead for you and your family. I hold you in prayer each day that you can take just one moment at a time.

Plum1

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Reply by lilbear
02 Apr 2013, 12:36 AM

Thank you all.  It helps so much just coming on here to unload.  I am so glad to be understood. 
Thank you,
Lilbear 
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Reply by lilbear
05 Apr 2013, 12:36 AM

Well, finally got back to our own hospital.   So happy to be home again.   The hotel living was getting very old.  The kids really needed to get back home to some sense of normalcy. 
Went to see my Dad today.   I cannot believe how much he has  deteriorated in a week!  It was incredibly hard to see him like that.  After about an hour, I couldn't handle it anymore.  I felt like I was surrounded by death and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to get out. I cannot stand the hospital smells anymore.   How do I keep going and doing this everyday? I find that I just want to be home with my kids.
We are still awaiting pathology results and mr for my Mom. 
Lilbear 
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Reply by marstin
05 Apr 2013, 1:08 AM

Hi Lilbear,

It's good to hear from you as I have been wondering how you were doing. It's hard to watch someone who is gravely ill grow weaker by the day. How do you keep going? I think you need to find time for yourself so that you can keep going. I understand how difficult that is and yet if you don't you won't be any good for your own family or in fact for yourself. Are you eating and getting enough rest? Having walked the tightrope of two ill family members, I'm aware of how easy it is forget to take care of ourselves. Your husband and children need for you to realize how important you are to them and that they need you to stay healthy. What an incredible,caring daughter you are. Your parents are very fortunate to have you.

How is your brother dealing with this? Is he doing his part in the caretaking? Now that he's back home I hope that he can share the load with you so that you can have some time for yourself.

Know that we are all here for you.

Hugs,
Tracie
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