Lilbear,
I am so sorry to hear of your Dad's passing. I lost my Dad last month, so I can really relate to how you are feeling. So glad you were able to have your parents see each other before your Dad passed away. My Mom spent two days at my Father's bedside before he died, but I just couldn't do that. It just ripped me apart too much. I know my Dad said that he didn't want his kids to see him "at the end" and have that as our last memories of him, so I am ok with my decision to say my goodbye a day or so before he passed. But it does make things more surreal, as I didn't actually "see" him die, though I know he is gone.
It sounds kind of odd, but Dad's ashes are still at the funeral home. We are not in that much of a hurry to pick them up. In late spring/early summer we will be going on a bit of a hike to the location where Dad wanted his ashes spread. It is still snowing in the higher elevations where we live, so that is not possible now. Please don't feel bad or unsettled about what to do with the ashes.... there are no rules or regulations about how we are supposed to deal with this kind of stuff. We all just kind of muddle through as best we can.
I send along my best wishes that your Mom can rest comfortably and be as pain free as possible.
Know we are all here when you need to talk...... NiteLad