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Reply by moderator | modératrice

26 Apr 2013, 1:03 AM

Hi Sunflower,

What a relief is must be for you to be able to share your situation with your family, especially your cousin. Such pain and emotional burden should not be carried alone. Having the support of a blood relative is different than from a friend or husband. I suspect at this point, you'll need all the variations of support and I'm glad that you have more than 1 person to lean on.

The 36 hours that your mother was upset with you must've been tough. What relief you must have felt when she admitted that she was thankful that you called your aunts. Your instincts were right. Sometimes it can be hard to listen or even hear our instincts with so many new situations being thrown at us and difficult decisions needing to be made.

Many people say information is power, but we all have to find the right "dose". Don't read so much that you freak yourself out. It's good to keep in mind that everyone handles radiation treatment differently. If there's a laundry list of symptoms of POSSIBLE side effects, this doesn't mean your mother will experience all of them and not all at once. It's best to take it day by day and not worry about what may happen.

I wonder if your parents wish to go to their appointments alone to keep something that give them a sense of control. When illness takes away our sense of control, people need to find it again in different places.

Have fun with getting your new look on Sunday. Perhaps you can take a picture and use it for your profile picture, even just the hair if you prefer not to show your face. That would be fun.
Talk soon.

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Reply by Tian

26 Apr 2013, 2:59 AM

Dear Lori

I'm very pleased to hear about the positive developments that occurred in between your two messages. You're right about taking life second by second so rather than concentrating entirely about the effects of chemotherapy (which as Colleen says affects different people differently) I think you can take great comfort in what the surgeon told you although that 0.1 % chance can still cause sleeplessness.

So your opening up the lines of communication has brought some well-needed relief to you and your family. Keep those lines open and try to keep yourself informed by the doctors caring for your parents. Hopefully your mother has received a reprieve for now but your father's condition remains charged. And you are always welcome here to vent or whatever.

Tian

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Reply by NiteLad

26 Apr 2013, 3:00 AM

Hi Lori,

I am so sorry to hear about the situation you are facing with your family. I can only imagine what you are going through. But I can relate. My Dad passed away March 4 from pancreatic cancer, and I know exactly what you mean when you write about how difficult it is to watch someone you love getting sicker day by day and know there is very little you can do to ease the suffering.

Please be kind to yourself. I am a 47 year old man, and I shed some tears a little every day when something reminds me of my Dad. I don't worry anymore about what people will think if they see me cry, because that is how I am feeling at the moment. I have found most people are very understanding if you need to "take a moment". Remember you are human. I have said many times that while my Dad was ill, we ALL were forced to battle cancer along with him. It touches everyone, and affects us all in different ways. There is no handbook how to do this.... but hopefully those of us that have been through it - and still go through it - can offer a hand to help you. There is no right or wrong way. I just hope you will find a way to move forward that is not too painful. Remember you are not alone at all.

I am glad you have the support of your family. Sometimes that can make a HUGE difference if you know you don't have to be strong all the time, that someone is there to help when things get tough. My Dad was very private, and didn't really want people to know just how ill he was. He was a loner and a homebody and spent most of his time at home for the last year and a half of his illness. He didn't even want anyone to see him in hospice before he died. But it was the rest of us that needed the support, and over time we let more people know just how dire the situation was. We live in a relatively small town, so word spread fast. I know we would all have had a hard time getting through the last days of Dad's illness if it had not been for the kindness of neighbours and friends bringing over frozen and ready cooked meals, or offering to drive us anywhere we needed to go when we were so deep in grief. I also know that my immediate family has pulled together since my Dad died, and we see each other pretty much every day - but I am lucky that we all live in the same condo complex :-) If you need to take some time for YOU, please don't feel that you are being selfish - it is essential. You may wonder how you will get through this..... but somehow you will. I promise.

I hope these words help even just a little...

NiteLad

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Reply by moderator | modératrice

13 Feb 2014, 2:18 AM

Hi Sunflower,

How are you? I'm sure much has happened since you last posted a message here. So I realize that answering that simple question "how are you?" can be quite a challenge.

Just know that we're here any time you want to talk.
Take care,
Colleen

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