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Reply by marstin

03 Aug 2013, 5:56 AM

Hi Polly Anna,

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. A year ago my daughters and I went through this same hell so I can understand just how difficult this is for you. To watch those that we love disappear slowly before our eyes is incredibly painful. Even now, a year later the memories are still there and those who have never dealt with this kind of illness expect everything to be back to 'normal', whatever they think that is. I don't know why human beings have to suffer this way but I guess for most of us when we are going through all of this we hope for a miracle right up until the end. There is so little that anyone can say to you at this time except know that you are being thought of tonight and that many hearts are with you.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by NatR

03 Aug 2013, 3:05 PM

Hello Polly Anna,

my heart goes out to you right now. You are in one of those corners that you cannot move from because of your dedication and love for your husband.

as Tracie said there are many who understand your position and feel with all our hearts the pain, the desperation to have comfort and peace for your husband especially - and for you and your children.

just take one hour at a time, take breaks when you can - fresh air, a short walk, clear your head for a while, and know that the gift of love you are giving is priceless, priceless !

its true, animals seem to be treated better than humans when it comes to end of life.
as a caregiver (retired ) and as a family member who has lost loved ones, I hear your pain, I feel your emotion, your love. Your husband hears you, feels you, loves you but cannot say so

you are an amazing caregiver

keep writing, keep sharing, keep letting out your hurts and emotions, it does hell.

wrapping my arms around you from a distance
sincerely,
NatR

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Reply by JennJilks

04 Aug 2013, 5:05 PM

This is the most difficult part.
Have you given him permission to go? Told him out loud that you can manage and that he deserves his rest? It may sound silly but it is not. They worry and some let go when you are not there. That is what my mother did.

Do you want to put him in a hospice? There are many about and they do good work. That said, if it is too difficult for you, you can take him to a hospital. If you need respite there are many volunteers out there who can give you a break.

You have choices. Know that.

They can put him on a CAD to pump morphine in automatically. Sometimes this is only in the hospital, and you may want to make that choice.

You need not do this at home unless you want to.
My last client just passed over last week. He had a mild heart attack and passed with his son at his side. He had dementia, but was a dear man.
All the best.
Jennifer

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Reply by nanalovesu

05 Aug 2013, 3:14 AM

Hi Polly Anne,

Your post is so familiar to me. I remember well the days spent with my husband during that time. The sub Q, giving him the morphine and other meds to help ease the pain, the day he stopped eating and then stopped drinking. Days filled with medical care, and every moment wondering if it would me the last day with him. The children and I all gathered around him one day, to tell him, we would be ok, and that it was ok to go. These are the very sad times that you are going thru. Remember you are not alone. Take care of yourself because life will go on for you. It will be very different. Change seems to happen when we least expect it. Here you can type and cry about how you feel with only understanding from others. You are doing an amazing thing by caring for your husband right now. It isn't easy, in fact it's a very difficult thing to do. What you are learning now about compassion, strength and life is valuable. For me it was life changing....... my most heartfelt thoughts are with you. Beverly

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Reply by frustrated

07 Aug 2013, 9:00 AM

Hi Polly Anne

I have often had the same thoughts about how we treat our animals with more dignity than our loved ones. My husband is also dying a slow death. He isn't as far gone and doesn't need me all the time and does most things for himself. I don't know how long it will be until I am were you are. I can feel and understand your pain. Two years ago it was my mother I sat with as she gave up after a slow decline. It is hard to know there is nothing you can do. And no matter how well prepared I was for her death the end was so hard.

It seems we are stronger than we think. It is the hardest thing you will ever do.

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Reply by moderator | modératrice

14 Aug 2013, 12:32 AM

Our thoughts are with you Pollyanna.

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Reply by pollyanna

14 Aug 2013, 7:40 AM

my husband passed away at 3 pm on saturday August 3. it has been so busy with funeral preparations which were held Sunday august 11th that this is the first time I have been able to find a minute to write. My heart is aching and I can not sleep. I do manage to keep busy during the day but I feel so alone at bedtime. I miss him so much. I will make an appointment with the counsellor tomorrow Thank you for all your posts as it helps to talk to people that have gone through it.

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Reply by pollyanna

14 Aug 2013, 7:46 AM

My hubby did die at home and I did tell him that he could go and we would be fine! We know he could hear us and in the end he died from pnuemonia not the cancer. I thought I had prepared myself that knowing he was in a better place would make it easier to deal with but it is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. My sons are so sad as well along with our entire family. No words can express what it is like but I reaaly can't believe he is gone even with his ashes next to me. :(

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Reply by JennJilks

14 Aug 2013, 12:42 PM

My condolences. You did a fine job. I'm sure he is grateful for your care. You have learned much. You will be a better person for this. One day at a time. Don't forget to speak to someone. Hospice groups have fabulous bereavement groups, when you are ready. They really help.

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Reply by NatR

14 Aug 2013, 12:45 PM

My dear Pollyanna,

I am so sorry for your loss, the very difficult time you have just gone through
is unspeakable and heart breaking

I can tell you that the forum will help - keep sharing and letting the pain out
you are not alone here - but I know you feel shattered at this moment, rightfully so.

you are in my thoughts today
NatR

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