My dear virtual friends,
Thank you for all your warm messages!!
My brother and I had a long talk with mom’s palliative team last week after the regular family meeting, now we’ve came in some agreement which I think it’s the best solution for now.
Because mom’s situation is getting better (that’s really a miracle), doctor suggested again that mom should move to other long term care facility as they mentioned few months ago. Mom’s getting upset when hearing that, so the team promised her that let’s not make any decision now and they will review the whole situation again after summer.
Since mom’s getting emotional during the meeting, my brother and I had to invite the palliative team to hospice garden and had a private meeting with them. Doctor was frankly to us and said they do have a long queue of patients waiting, and they really think my mom should move to other facilities soon because she’s getting progress, they just don’t understand why mom cannot think positively about leaving hospice. We explained that some of the nurses / volunteers kept telling mom that this hospice is the best care she can get before she leave (from their experiences), and also scared her with lots of horrible stories about long term care facilities. Now mom’s both legs are weak and can barely move her hands (from the two spinal surgeries 6 months ago), she worried about the “care quality” very much. The palliative team understood that’s the main reason which caused mom’s insecurity, but those horrible stories are just hearsay, maybe we can visit those suggested long term care facilities by ourselves, took some photos for mom and then discuss with her again. We think that’s a good idea!
And the team will arrange a Mandarin-speaking social worker to meet with mom, dad and us soon. They understood that our family is having a serious internal communication problem now, and we all believe only until mom let us know what she truly wants / needs, then we will know how to help her in this precious “extra reward” time (she outlived Oncologist’s prediction for 5 more months now).
The good thing is, that’s a great relief for us to know that mom’s situation is still stable, we all feel thankful of it. Especially my dad, even he still drives to hospice twice daily and can only rest for 2 hours in between, but he’s in a more happier mood. And the team promised us they will talk to the nurses and see if they can offer some help with mom’s meals and routines, so we can visit mom together and enjoy family time with a better quality, not “working” three shifts separately like now.
Doctor suggested me go back to my husband for a while, at least for a few months. A long “standby-and-wait” can cause mental weakness to everyone, we are only human, we all need “recharge” when feeling exhausted. And the suggestion to my brother (and my dad) is just go back to their normal life for a while, no need to always think / worry about the worst, just give our heart and mind a short break .....
Now we will go visit some of the long term care facilities from next week, doing some research for mom, and discuss with her again. We will keep trying everything to make her feel safe and secure, whether in a new place or stay here......
Thank you all for the help again!