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Reply by BevB

03 Nov 2013, 1:45 AM

Hi

We do have the cancer center here in Ottawa but I just don't like that hospital. Though they do good things I find the support staff abrupt & rude. Whenever I ask questions I am dismissed. Maybe I'm a bit sensitive but others I have spoken to have said the same thing. I have noticed when I walk by or am having coffee there the staff that are around always seemto be complaining about their work, the hopital, management etc. They don't seem happy & that carries over in their handling of patients.

He was in isolation. He wanted a shower & Iwas goiing to give hi one. I didn't because the bathroom was so dirty. I had to ask a nurse to have it cleaned.

Toronto is only a 4 hour drive from me. We have good friends in Oshawa & are always welcome there.

I am hoping that maybe Princess Margaretmay have alternative treatments available. I am also looking into going to Johns Hopkins in the US.

I just don't know what we will do at this point.

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Reply by ShiningStar

05 Nov 2013, 1:12 AM

Hi Bev,

I am so sorry that this is happening to you and your family. I can't even imagine how painful it must be.

It is also sad that you are not getting the compassionate and loving care that you deserve at your local hospital. I really don't understand why this happens.

I was also wondering, have you been linked with other services in your community, maybe Hospice?

I read that you are considering going to Toronto or the US for more treatment and I just wanted to share with you that as a hospice worker myself I have seen so many lives lived fully to the end without getting invasive treatment and families focusing more on quality of life, staying at home (if possible), trying to achieve some goals (bucket list type of thing).. and getting comfort measures (no pain, symptom management).. But this is only another option..

Whatever you decide, it has to be the right choice for you.

I will be thinking about you and sending you my best wishes.

ShiningStar

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Reply by JennJilks

05 Nov 2013, 1:47 AM

Reading this breaks my heart. I'm glad you taguth them how to treat you.
I was in with my 2nd husband at the Cancer Centre in Ottawa Hospital, we've been several times. It was clean, volunteers were amazing, they were efficient.
I've had nothing but the best treatment. We've been to the Civic and the General. Both were wonderful.
My first husband is being treated at the Queensway Carleton. He's now getting chemo having had colon cancer surgery.
I am curious which one you were at. Certainly, you are right to call for cleaning. We must speak truth to them.

Ottawa's May Hospice is one of the best, if you can get in there, you would be amazed.
If your husband has terminal cancer, I am wondering why you are looking for other treatments.

You can find some support with community hospice organisations.
Having grown up in TOronto, you will find that it is a big city, parking is terrible, and accommodations are expensive.
That's my two cents worth.
You really have to determine your goals and what it is you want from the medical system. Then figure out, as Shining Star said, what you're needs are. I have had many clients who have had a good death at home. Others have had to go to hospital because that is what worked best for their families.

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Reply by moderator | modératrice

09 Dec 2013, 1:11 AM

Hi BevB,

How are you doing? It's been a while since we heard from you. If you have a minute, we'd love to hear how you are doing and what course of action you chose to take.

We also understand if your don't have the time or energy to write on the forum. Just know we are thinking of you.
Colleen

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Reply by BevB

16 Mar 2014, 4:07 PM

Hi Everyone

Do you think we'll ever get rid of winter before Canada Day?

I just wanted to thank you for permitting me to be a member of this site. Though I am not very vocal/social, I have read & reread some of the topics posted.

My husband, Charlie lost his battle with cancer on Feb 20th. He went peacefully while watching TSN. He loved sports & that was the channel that was always on whenever he was home. The only thing missing was a bottle of beer in his hand :).

On the advice of people here I did research palliative care in the Ottawa area. He was admitted to Elizabeth Bruyere palliative care on the Tue afternoon & slipped away just after midnight on Thurs morning. He did not suffer. He is free from pain & that insidious disease called cancer.

I miss him so much but know that he is in a better place & that gives me much comfort.

So thank you again.

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Reply by moderator | modératrice

16 Mar 2014, 7:55 PM

Hi Bev,

My deepest sympathies for your loss. Thank you for returning to the forums to tell us about Charlie. I'm so happy that he passed peacefully and without pain doing something that gave him pleasure.

I can imagine that you miss him dearly. Now begins a whole new journey. Please don't forget that the Virtual Hospice community is here to walk the path of loss and grief with you as well. You are not alone. Feel free to join the conversations with other members like marstin, Mark99, Phoebe, Nanalovesu and more who are ready to welcome you on these threads:

i've lost my husband and have no idea how to deal with it...

Going from We to Me...

I look forward to reading you again.
Colleen

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Reply by eKIM

18 Mar 2014, 1:40 AM

I am so sorry for your loss Bev. The next while will be difficult. Please know that when you want to “talk” that you will always find a compassionate listener here. Please let us know what causes you to most distress at any particular time. What can we do to be of help to you now. Please share your thoughts. Often there is someone who has experienced similar thoughts and emotions who will respond. In the meantime, when it is possible for you to do so, think of and dwell on the sweet memories of better years. – eKim

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Reply by marstin

18 Mar 2014, 2:17 AM

My thoughts are with you as you mourn the loss of Charlie. How wonderful that he was able to be doing something that he loved so much at that time. Although on one level we are prepared for their passing, when it does occur it begins an entirely different wave of emotions. After putting so much into the care of our loved ones it's hard to believe that it's over. I found that I needed to stay busy because I had been on the go constantly for so long and it also kept me from thinking too much, feeling too much.

Sharing my ups and downs on here has helped me to keep my sanity as each wave of emotion that came over me was different that the one before. Know that we are here to listen, to care, to understand what you are feeling. It's okay to break down and unload all that is going through your mind at this time.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by NatR

18 Mar 2014, 12:37 PM

Dear Bev

my condolences on the passing of your husband - it's really nice that at the end your husband was listening to favorite programming and slipped peacefully from this life.

so many stories from people vary in the circumstances and challenges at end of life. But all of us share and understand how that loss affects us - and how we recover and move on.

i hope you will continue to post to discussions on the forum - support and insight from each one of us can make a big difference to those who are unsure how to get through supporting a loved one during end of life.

i do wish you a good day today and send you my thoughrs as you begin to step forward into a changed world. one thing in life we can count on is constant change
a virtual hug!!
natR ;)

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Reply by JennJilks

18 Mar 2014, 12:42 PM

Bev,
I'm so glad you managed to place your husband in a hospice.
Caregiving is a difficult thing.
This is all we can hope for, to be free from pain.
It sounds like your beliefs will carry you through.
I remember holding up my granddaughter to view her grandfather's body (my ex-husband), and I told her, he has a new body, a new home, and his mommy and daddy will be there to meet him. She liked that.

You sound as if you can see the big picture. Celebrate his life, do not mourn the day of his death.
All the best.
J.

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