Hi Melinda,
Pretending to be fine takes so much energy and only makes others around you feel better. There is nothing wrong with feeling broken, weepy, angry, and incredibly down. You are grieving and it will be a long time before you find your new 'normal'. For myself I found it to be such a rollercoaster as I would hit some major highs and the feeling of 'I got this', only to come crashing down moments later. I don't think anyone escapes the process.
I can so clearly picture you and your little dog getting out in your kayak and feeling the wind in your hair as you paddle along and leave everything behind you. It must be quite the sense of freedom.
It sounds like you have a very supportive neighbour. I sure could have used people like that when I started my journey. Recently, I've been taking myself up to my local Tim Horton's and sitting outside with a bunch of the regulars. Most of them are older guys but at least it keeps me from feeling so alone and they are good for a few laughs. My daughters think I'm a little crazy but it sure beats being in this stupid house all day talking to the dog. Besides, it stays around 90 degrees in this place with our heat wave and it's hard to handle. It sure is making it difficult to get anything done around here.
I haven't gone for my ultrasound yet. I believe it's on the 13th. It sure takes a long time to get any tests done here. Hopefully everything will be fine. I don't want to cause my kids any more worries. That's quite the weight loss for you. Are you eating properly? I know it can be difficult to cook for one.
I'm still finishing off paperwork to do with Len. I hope yours goes more smoothly than ours but I imagine it will since you were much better prepared that way than we were. I still haven't put my house on the market. We had so many glitches with the ensuite that it totally knocked me off course. It really doesn't take much then I fall into a slump and can't seem to get moving again. The realtor kept calling and emailing me and I got a little irritated so I stopped responding to her. My time, my way is my motto. I haven't signed any papers with her so... I keep running into the realtor that sold my Mom's house and she had come across a place that might have been perfect for us but I jammed out on going to look at it. I'm not even sure if I can afford to buy something else. I wonder if it's a sign that I should be using her skills. I try to listen to that inner voice of mine. I may get her to give me an estimate on what she thinks this place is worth because I found that the other realtor's estimate seemed awfully low for this area. I guess I have to put my personal feelings aside and just focus on the financial aspect of things and choose whoever I think can get me the most money and fairly quickly. I wish I had someone to discuss the in's and out's of real estate and money so that I knew what the hell made the most sense, to rent or buy. It's exhausting. Lol!
I hope you and your neighbour are having a nice day and the sun is shining down on you.
Hugs,
Tracie