Dear Melinda and Tracie:
Your thoughts about your life and changes since your love, Stan, died helps me understand myself as John, my husband, passed away in January and I keep having raw feelings, tears pouring down and wondering why.
I have had good support from CVH and am beginning to understand somewhat better my feelings and memories. Like you I am going to place some of John's ashes at his parent's graves in Windsor, Ontario. He started his life there and was away from there most of his life in B.C. We felt this would reunite him and his family as he has only one living relative, a sister in Windsor, while he has a lot of my family here in B.C. where he has lived, I come from a large family and we all share the good times and bad times.
I understand your feelings about going home to an empty house as I have the same feelings about going to places John and I visited. Summer has been especially hard for me as John and I used to sit on the patio of our condo and spend many of his last days together, watching the birds going to the Koi pond for water, the gulls and ravens and such swooping past our patio. The hummingbirds going back and forth to the feeder. It has taken me a long time to go out and sit on the patio, however, I am making it an effort and take a book with me to help me get back there and remember all the good times we had together and enjoy the memories.
Eating too much was one of the things I did when John was at home being cared for me in his palliative care needs. Eating the wrong things, yes, I made sure he had the proper food, etc. Yet, ate junk. Sandwiches..Sandwiches and perhaps some soup and now I am learning to eat properly and enjoying it.
I share your loss, your grief and your rebuilding your future. You both encourage me and help me through many a hard time. Thank You!
Xenia