Hi Tracy and Colleen thanks for your reply, my dad passed away in 2007 and my husband in 2009, they were two important persons in my life and I will always remember them. Yes I do have lovely memories of both. I am living in South africa our services is very different from what you have in Canada. In a way we just go on and survive at the end. I must admit that I am a born again christian and I know that Jesus has risen and He is alive, He is my source of hope for the future.

Good Morning Kim and All:

Just caught up on all the messages and agree that caring for a loved one is difficult and as caregivers we get caught up in caring for everyone and losing ourselves.

You speak of your blood pressure going up, this happened to me as well, thought I was having a panic attack at night, dr. checked and put me on two small mgs of blood pressure meds.  Made an appointment with the heart specialist, then my gp had a stroke and now I am in limbo.  With all that my siatic nerve is giving me a lot of trouble, thankfully I have a great physio and now am going once a week for 1/2 hour instead of the whole hour.  Found it great but needed my respite care for finding a doctor, using the walk in clinic for now. 

John is having more pain and is asking for his meds for his breakthrough pain which goes up to 9 on the scale of 10.  He is very stoic so his pain must be getting to him as he doesn;t say much.  Welcomes the caregivers who bathe him and of course the community nurses he enjoys their visits and caring manner.

Trouble shared is trouble halved I am told, so I am sharing that my brother who is 67 years of age has been diagnosed with a 2 cm. lung cancer, John has lunc cancer as well. Our daughter is caring for him as he has been living with them for 5 years.  He is a schizophreniac...non medicated and is so very sweet, he is my baby brother from a family of 14.  9 brothers 3 sisters and two baby sisters who passed away shortly after birth.  It seems strange that Gayle, our daughter is looking after him and he is getting such good care from his Heart and Respirologist specialists.  He is asked if Gayle is his daughter, no , she's my favourite niece.  Her family, my son in law and grandson look after him and he is no trouble.  The whole neighbourhood where they live have grown to love him as he used to mow their lawns etc, just because he like to do work..no pay, just to do it.

We are fortunate that we have the strength to be able to carry on with my husband on palliative care and my brother who will certainly be on palliatieve care soon.  He will not go to hospital as he has a fear of them so we we are arranging for care to come in as his caregivers, daughter and son in law work.  I am his committeship along with my son in law.  For those who do not know what committeship is...it means we have a court order to look after all his affairs as with his illness he could not sign a power of attorney, etc.   The drs. are amazed at the care he gets, his attitude in life and even dying.  So we carry on, John, my husband who is very ill and my brother who also is very ill.  We put our worries to our higher power and carry on.

So Kim, when I read your messages I share your burdens along with all who share their burdens and help all of us understand that we are not alone and somewhere there are others who are in the same dilema we are.

Thank you all for your messages and giving me the strength to carry on each day.

Xenia