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Dealing with sister's terminal illness 
Started by BettyH
30 Aug 2014, 9:09 PM

My younger sister was diagnosed with a gliobastoma brain tumour in June and is now in hospital on palliative care.  She has had no food or water or fluids for fourteen days and we and the medical people are amazed that she is still with us.  I love my sister but it is so hard on all of us to be by her bedside every day and watch her slowly dying.  My older stepsister died on Thursday in the same hospital so it is doubly hard for me.  I am feeling that I don't want to go to the hospital anymore.  Is that unusual?
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Reply by KathCull_admin
30 Aug 2014, 11:09 PM

Dear BettyH

Welcome to our community. I am glad you found us. You will find the members here understanding and supportive. I think you might find the post by Beck66 Having a hard time coping  helpful .  

It must be so hard to sit and watch your sister and wait – knowing what the outcome will be, especially since your stepsister died there so recently. Exercise and good food are often hard to come by when you are spending so much time at the hospital. Do you have friends other support who are able to support you?

An article written by the Virtual Hospice staff called Caring for Yourself might be helpful as well.

Take care and I look forward to hearing from you again when you are able.


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Reply by NatR
31 Aug 2014, 10:29 PM

Dear BettyH,

welcome to the forum  - and my sympathies to you on the loss of your step sister 
What you are going through is so difficult - I am not surprised that you don't want to return to the hospital.

thats a normal thing - you are grieving and on overload.
maybe you could do as Kath _Cull suggested - find time each day to take care of you - so you can keep your energy level up.

its so hard to keep a vigil - but I know that you are doing  this for your sister - and that your presence is important .  You will always be glad you were there for both your stepsister and sister 

just  being able to  write your thoughts and feelings here and share the burden is a help I think.  Everyone needs support and to be able to vent.  You can say what you feel here and those of us who are on the forum will respond in a caring manner.

just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and sending you a hug across the miles.
you are not alone 
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Reply by Beck66
31 Aug 2014, 11:39 PM

Hi Betty,

I feel your pain.  My brother was diagnosed with cancer in April and passed in June.  In the days before he left us I wanted to be with him but I also wanted to run and get as far away as I could.  Seeing him as he was hurt.  I am sure that seeing your sister this sick is very hard for you as well.  Be good to yourself.  Tell your sister you love her and then do what you need to do for you.   If that means being at the hospital, be there.  If that means you need to leave and take time for you, do that.  If I learned anything when Ilost my brother it was that I need to take care of me.

My thoughts and prayers are with you in this very difficult time.  Know you are never alone.

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Reply by JennJilks
01 Sep 2014, 1:22 PM

This is the hardest time of all. I understand. My late father had a brain tumour. I sat and watched 5 CSI episodes in a row, holding his hand, while he was slowly taking his leave of his body. It's what worked out for me.

Firstly, she does know you are there. No one wants to see a loved one like this. She certainly understands. Give yourself a manageable goal: going every other day, for example.
KNow if she is in pain or not. You can advocate for her.
Also know that despite all this pressure in the media, we have different trajectories for death and dying. They might not suit us, but it is her path to choose.

Know, too, that when she is ready to let go she will.
Perhaps you could tell her how much you love her, that you will bo OK knowing she is wathcing over you and she can go now.
Take a book or a newspaper and read aloud. This might help. 
As a hospice volunteer, I can certainly feel your pain. Take any or all of these messages, ignore the ones that do not fit. Perhaps playing music might help you and your dear sister.
All the best. Let us know how it all unfolds.
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Reply by BettyH
15 Sep 2014, 9:35 PM

Thank you all for your kind words.  My sister passed away peacefully on September 3, 2014.  I will miss her forever.
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Reply by jorola
15 Sep 2014, 11:15 PM

My deepest sympathies to you and your family Betty. You all have had a very haed few weeks. I am sending you strength in the hard days to come. Hold your memories close and they will live forever in your heart.
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Reply by JennJilks
16 Sep 2014, 1:06 PM

My condolences.
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Reply by NatR
16 Sep 2014, 3:42 PM

Sending my thoughts and sympathy to you 
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Reply by KathCull_admin
29 Jan 2015, 12:04 AM

Hello everyone,
It’s been some months since members have posted on this thread. In that time, I imagine all of us have faced worries and concerns as well as perhaps happiness and joy. BettyH and Beck66, the death of your sister and brother has surely changed your lives over the past few months. I hope you have found comfort and support wherever you are.

A new member Ceildah, started My Brother is dying from Cancer today and she is asking for help in how to deal with 'all this' and finding it hard to ‘stay strong’ for the rest of her family.

Could I ask you all to consider responding to her post? Thank you.



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