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Reply by oldbat

19 Jan 2015, 3:14 PM

Hi Colleen,

You got that right! My life seems tobe going to hell in a wheelbarrow!

Kim, I echo Colleen in hoping that your situation has improvedat least some.

oldbat

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Reply by grammakim04

10 Mar 2015, 11:20 PM

What a horrible weekend! Just feel like my whole world has fallen apart. Chuck had a couple of TIA's this last week. Friday I started to notice something was off with him, he just wasn't make sense, stating he was going to "get" the doctor who treated him at the hospital last May. He was so angry. Saturday he was even worse, he actually took off from the house at midnight...my son and I finally found him and brought him home. Sunday, he went outside without a shirt on and proceeded to dig in our garden and said he had to plant his tomato plants.

When I tried to tell him the ground was still too cold, he became quite aggressive towards me and quite scared me. He hardly slept that night.

Monday he was so restless. He just paced and paced outside and told me over and over he was going to move to South America. I was finally able to get him inside and told him he needed to either relax in his chair or go laydown for awhile. He said he was really tired and wanted to laydown, so I took him upstairs and stayed with him until he went to sleep.

I came back down and proceeded to start making supper and went back up to check on him and found that he had swallowed 80 sleeping pills. Called 911 and he was taken to the hospital. Luckily he survived.

Dr. feels something further damage has happened with his brain. In the past 2 1/2 years he has suffered several strokes. He is very drowsy but very angry when he realized he is in the hospital.
He denies that he took the pills, very angry at me. The doctors have told me that he will not be returning home...he requires professional help, more care than I can possiblely provide for him.

I am in a stage of shock and so are our kids...this is the last thing we thought Chuck would do. I just feel so helpless right now.

Kim

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Reply by KathCull_admin

11 Mar 2015, 2:58 AM

Dear Kim
I have been wondering how you are. So glad that you posted this evening.

What a horrible experience for all of you. Do you think a key to understanding what happened is in the words the doctor said, that further damage has happened with his brain? It sounds as though he may not be able to think clearly - when he talked about moving to South America and then becoming so aggressive - out of character for him.

There is an article called Confusion which you might find helpful.

Are you able to sleep knowing Chuck is being cared for in hospital?

Thinking of you Kim
Katherine

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Reply by JennJilks

11 Mar 2015, 10:58 AM

Kim,
What a difficult turn of events.
It does sound like Chuck has had a stroke that has impaired his thinking. You know this isn't him, but disease which doesn't allow the blood to get to his brain cells.
Hang in. It isn't your fault.
The aggression is a symptom of dementia, which also means blood not getting to brain cells.
It i good that he is safe.
Understand that his anger is for his deteriorating brain, not at you. You need to be really clear about this. We all take out our frustrations on our loved ones, it's perfectly normal, while grossly unfair.
I had to keep telling myself this when my dad would get angry.
Keep in mind it isn't the disease, but that failure of the brain to function. It isn't your Chuck. It's just his medical situation right now.
This is a terrible time, I know. My dad was so agitated, too. Hang tight.
Vent here, for sure. Do not panic. There is nothing you can do, but get yourself through this period of time. Your kids need you, too. You are helpless, so let it go. It is out of your hands, and the good hands of the professional medical people.
Take good care.
JJ

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Reply by grammakim04

11 Mar 2015, 3:05 PM

Talked to the dr. yesterday, he feels Chuck suffered another stroke and further brain damage was a result. The medical team has told me that for my safety and his, he will not be returning home as he requires professional care now, I cannot watch him 24 hours and that is what he needs. Last May when I was so burnt out and desperately needed some respite relief, Chuck stayed in the Hospice for a couple of weeks, he was diagnosed with mild dementia. But since then, he has suffered from many TIA's. I guess with all of those plus this stroke, it has taken it's toll on his brain once again.

He is so agitated right now and just not my Chuck...such a personality change. They have had to restrain him and also have him sedated. It's so hard to see him this way...this illness has just been horrible! Originally, when they discovered the 2 blocked arteries in his neck, they said he would be lucky if he survived 3 months and here we are almost 3 years later and it has been hell watching him deteriate.

The other thing is his refusal to eat anything...he has a Goal of Care of M2. With this in place, he can starve himself and basically nothing can be done. So much to deal with.

They can keep him hydrated, sedated so he does not harm himself and that is basically it.

Brain injury is so hard to deal with because your loved one is still there but their actions just breaks your heart.

Thank you for your kind words.

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Reply by Xenia

11 Mar 2015, 5:38 PM

Dear Kim:

I just read your messages and my heart goes out to you. Dealing with a body illness is so different than dealing with TIA's and anything that goes to the brain. I feel your pain and anxiety having gone through much the same with my husband, John, who passed away January 10 after a length illness.

Like you the personality change I noticed was so difficult to understand even though I knew John had some TIA's before but not serious enough to warrant care in a facility. I nursed him for 18 months at home, prior to that he was very ill but not to the extent that he needed pallaitive care.

We, both of us dealt with his cancer, copd, diabetes and many other illness, however, in the last month and two weeks before he passed he became a different person. Like your husband he wandered at night and asked about things he knew, such as who I was and was I his nurse, etc. He had a fall and from there on he became another person. It gradually went to where he needed hospitilzation from another fall and after that he started to wander more and during the day wanting to out.

We live in a condo and near the fire escape and he wanted out. Like you he became somewhat agressive and it scared me. Our family doctor was very good and on the last episode he told me to take him to the ER and tell them it was not safe for me and I could not look after him anymore, he insisted I not take him home no matter what the staff at the hospital tried to get me to take him home, much like you, we will give him more sedation etc etc. We did not take him home and the dr. made sure he was admitted as he contacted the ER doctor and as such was admitted. Heard the nurses talk and say "They think they can get him in earlier because of his doctor" We did and we were disraught like you. I cried and the family did too as this was not Dad but we had to as he was trying to get out of the condo in his sox, pjs and no oxygen. He became combative towards me but when they had him medicated properly in the hospital he commed down and I still feel sad remembering him saying to me: "If I don't fall and get in trouble at home you can take me home and then if I do you can put me in a home".

We didn't have to as he stayed in hospital another week and passed away shortly thereafter. I do believe John had some brain damage from the falls as he hit his head and with his health and former TIA's it caused more damage. The John I knew came back for a few days, I fed him his last meal on a Friday and that evening he had a stroke and passed away the next morning. We thank god and our higher power that he did not have to linger in a vegetative state after that stroke even though our hearts were broken we knew this was for the best.

Whatever you do, I learned, from the doctor and palliative nurses as blame yourself for anything. Try to let the guilt go as you have done everything humanily possible caring for your husband and as difficult as it may be we have to "Let go and Let God" and know we love our husbands but it is time to let go and take care of ourselves as we are burnt out and need to remember we did our best for our loved ones and family during these very difficult times.

Take care and do keep in touch and Vent..It helps, I know as I was like you searching.

Hugs to all.

Xenia

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Reply by Nouce

11 Mar 2015, 6:34 PM

Dear Kim,

The reality and pain of losing your loved one mentally when he or she is still there physically is the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I just want to send you words of care and empathy. And I hope that you will know that you are doing what is right, that you will feel some form of comfort, and that small windows of grace will open before you in the midst of terror and loss.

Nouce

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Reply by KathCull_admin

23 Mar 2015, 9:30 PM

Hi
I was wondering how you were doing Kim. Have you been able to get some rest? I have been thinking about you.

Katherine

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