Discussion Forums

so sad and scared 
Started by isa22
01 Feb 2015, 5:23 AM

My mother was diagnosed last week and we got prognosis this week. She has pancreatic cancer in the most advanced stage. I am her daughter, single mom and caregiver. I am just reaching as i am so scared and sad I don't know what to do.
Report this post      
Reply by NatR
01 Feb 2015, 3:38 PM

Hello Isa22,
Thank you for finding us.  This forum is for you.  
I am sorry to read about your mother.  

Are you the only child as well?  This is a lot for you to cope with - and that is why this forum exists.  You will find so many people who will answer you - will understand and will help you get through this very difficult time.

Are you living with your mom?  Do you have any kind of caregiver support yet for your mom?  I hope you are able to ask your doctor or his office about help in the home.  You can benefit from having someone else there to let you have some brief times away.

I hope you will keep writing here...as sharing your burden makes it easier to keep going.  
Sending you a huge hug from my corner and hoping that you will feel the support that is here for you.
Report this post      
Reply by KathCull_admin
01 Feb 2015, 3:44 PM


Welcome to our community isa22. The last weeks must have been very tough – knowing something was wrong, going to see the doctor, waiting for test results, hoping and then hearing the results.  

Each person's experience is unique, but the members of this community understand and will support you. 

Can you tell me a bit more about the supports you have and how you are managing - with being a mom, a daughter and caregiver?


Report this post      
Reply by Nouce
01 Feb 2015, 6:49 PM

Dear isa22,

I'm glad you're here. This place is where people can hold each other up, and share the hardest things. I know what you mean about being so sad and scared. The severe illness and impending death of close family members is an uncertain and scary process. May you find the voices and faces along the way, including ours, that let you know you're not alone.

In my case, I'm sad and scared nearly all the time because my husband is dying of neoplastic leukemia, but in a much slower and more stressful way than we had been told. And my step-daughter challenges and criticizes me for how I'm carirng for him at every step of the way.

I cry a lot. But everytime I come here, I find voices of care and love. Let me send you some love today, and may you find your lighted path each day.



Report this post      
Reply by Kika
01 Mar 2015, 10:36 PM

Hi Isa22

i have just been through the nightmare you describe. I can tell you it isn't easy but there are people who can and will support you.

my mom was diagnosed at the end of August with tumours in her lung, spine and brain. We were given 4 weeks to 3 months as a prognosis.  We were in utter disbelief. My mother didn't want to know details. She just wanted to live each day for as long as she had. My mother lived in another town so I commuted between there and he city ( for work) until her needs were too great.  Being a caregiver is exhausting but now that I have lost my mom I look at that time as treasured valuable time where I could love her, care for her and just be with her. Mom went into hospital at the beginning of November and she never came out again. We lost Mom at the beginning of December. I can tell you that I often still don't believe it has all happened.....it is kind of a whirlwind!

Advice I can share with you
1. Take time for you....even if it is a walk, a cup of coffee, a lunch out w a friend. My brother always reminded me we had a prepare for a marathon not a sprint. Snips of real life, taking care of you and recharging your batteries are vital!
2.  Accept the supports offered to you at the hospital. The palliative staff at the hospital were amazing and I literally don't know what we would have ever done without them. They often gave me information to read, a shoulder to cry on, etc.
 3.  Share with your mom that you are scared. I cried with my mom many times. She has things she wants to tell you too. Opening that communication is magical. my brother and I both said the treasure we came away with in his whole awful situation was that here was absolutely nothing unsaid with mom. We knew her wishes, fears etc, she knew ours! 
4. Lastly it is alright to be afraid, sad etc. allow ur self to feel. I found this forum very helpful. I didn't oost a lot but I read tons, and I allowed the tears to come.  I shared my fears, worries and feelings on here and the supports I got helped me.

stay strong Isa.....you got this. Love your mom the best way you know how, take one day at a time and know that people have ur back!

Report this post      
Reply by isa22
02 Mar 2015, 12:20 AM


I want to thank everyone who reached out.

My mother passed away on Feb. 16th. She spent her last few days in a hospice.

I will come back to share our story but right now I am struggling. I am still processing the last 2 months. I have seen too much and experienced too much in a short time.

My story is not any different than any one of you. My heart goes out to all.

Report this post      
Reply by KathCull_admin
02 Mar 2015, 6:55 AM

My sympathy isa22. Thank you for letting us know. Please know when you are ready we will be here.
Report this post      
Reply by NatR
02 Mar 2015, 7:13 AM

My sympathies also isa22,

please take time and do return when you feel like talking.. 
Report this post