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Reply by KathCull_admin
19 Sep 2015, 8:38 PM

It's been several months since you posted this Oldbat, but I would imagine it is never too late to hear about random acts of kindness. 

5 weeks ago, my beloved husband Henry died. His health had not been good for several months and for him it was a relief to know that he could enjoy the last weeks spending time with those he loved, talking, laughing, eating toast and ice cream and sleeping. There were no other ‘should’s on his list.

For many years I have worked in the area of palliative care – caring for and talking with those who are at end of life, their friends and family. I have spoken words of caring and compassion and provided care that I hope demonstrated that as well.  

It is much different on ‘this side’.   It is much lonelier than I had expected. There are more tears than I had expected – at unexpected sometimes inconvenient times.  But I want to talk about those random acts of kindness – a card dropped in the mailbox describing meaningful conversations with Henry; a bonfire held at the lake when memories of Henry were shared; lasagna and muffins; a warm hug; invitation to coffee; an email. All these things and more that I never really took note of before or would have shrugged off – now so full of meaning and comfort. Random acts of kindness… Comfort for the Long Haul.

Katherine

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Reply by oldbat
19 Sep 2015, 10:26 PM

Dear Katherine,

I'm so glad that you are finding comfort from those random acts of kindness you describe.  

I haven't forgotten you all.  Dear Xenia.  Dear Jimmie.  And all you other wonderful people who have shared my travels and travails.

I am sorry for the long silence.  This has truly been the summer from hell.  I've been limping through, licking my wounds as I go.  But apparently I don't limp fast enough.  Yesterday my rehab therapists presented me with a walker.  I cried.

Seem to do a lot of that these days.   Something I know most of us share in.  But, along with the tears, comes a little laughter.  Not enough.  But I/we make do.  

Another random a.o.k:  a couple in my building give me their weekend Globe every Saturday.  I'm a news junkie, so this is very special.

I may be mute, but I read every post on CVH.  So, to all of you, be strong, have faith, and leaven the tears with laughter.

that's all she wrote!

oldbat

 
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Reply by Nouce
20 Sep 2015, 6:20 PM

Dear Katherine, Oldbat and all of you friends,

Katherine, I'm sorry for your loss. I have trying to imagine what it will be like from the other side and you helped me. Maye those small kindnesses continue!

Oldbat, may your walker be the peaceful weapon a gentle warrior like you needs!

All, I have cried more tears in the past two weeks thanks 10 years before. Pablo's placement in assisted living was a disaster! I am thankful that just before I was ready to pull him out and being him home again, which my friends thought was insane, a space opened in a nearby long-term care facility.

He is confused: Where did you sleep? Where am I sleeping tonight? But he is mostly peaceful. May this be his last move! The hospice social worker said she thinks we're climbing the final mountain. Still steep. Thanks to all for the love and energy you send my way.

Love, Nouce 
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Reply by oldbat
20 Sep 2015, 10:22 PM

Dear Nouce,

I understand completely what you and Pablo are going through.  Went through exactly the same with Karl 3-1/2 years ago.  His first placement, in a room the size of a matchbox, shared with another man who was severely retarded and could barely speak, was an unmitigated disaster.  And no-one else on that floor could talk either.  He finally got moved to another floor, which was a great improvement.

These first few weeks will be difficult for you both.  But you will adjust, and so will he.  And maybe, just maybe, Nouce, you will be able to get some rest which, I suspect, you sorely need.

My thoughts and prayers are with you both,

oldbat
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Reply by dorms
22 Sep 2015, 2:11 PM

Katherine I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't get on here too often but today I've been reading oldbat's emails & they are so nicely written & I seen your entry for your loss. You girls just know how to find the words that expresses how we're all feeling. Thank you for all the support. And prayers for everyone who is going through these hard times


dorms

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Reply by Carlyn
26 Sep 2015, 5:41 PM

Katharine,

My condolences on your loss. Your idea of sharing the little things which make such a difference during this time is really helpful. 

I'm keeping healing thoughts for you and everyone here. 

Carlyn
 
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Reply by KathCull_admin
03 Oct 2015, 4:24 PM

Thank you all for your warm thoughts and comforting words. Over the past few months there have been many times when the posts and threads of members seemed to know just what I needed to hear. And Dorms, just like the others, you know just what to say.

Dear Nouce and Oldbat have there been any rest spots on the mountain - places where you can catch your breath? Thank you Carlyn for keeping us all in your thoughts.

Katherine
 
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Reply by Nouce
03 Oct 2015, 5:10 PM

Thinking of you all, on a cold, rainy day in the South. Pablo has found a safe home, about a mile from our house. I visit him every day. He is suffering from a lot of confusion, but not anxiety.


 


I send you all love and thoughts. The road is long...so it is good that we can find each other here.


 


Nouce

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Reply by oldbat
22 Mar 2016, 10:05 PM

March 2016 already.  In fact, almost April.  Where do the days go?  They sometimes seem so interminable and then - poof - another season's shot.  No winter this year - what a relief.  Now if we could just have spring and fall all year round, every year, I would consider myself blessed indeed.  The only thing  summer's good for - for me anyway, is swimming in the ocean.  Although a lake would do in a pinch!

So, not much happening on this board lately.  From me either.  But here's a little something I've found on Netflix that makes me laugh - even on the darkest days.  It's a little show called "Black Books".  Dylan Moran, a wonderful Irish actor both wrote and stars in it.  It's quirky, outrageous and never anything less than interesting.  Check it out.  If you don't subscribe to Netflix, sign up for a free month's trial - then bing-watch.  You won't be sorry.   It's specially good for those days and nights when dthe long haul seems heartbreakingly endless.

O. K. the ball's in your court now.  Give it a bash!  It's so important to find something that makes us smile.  So, if you have, please share.  We all need it.

oldbat


 
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Reply by Nouce
22 Mar 2016, 10:14 PM

Thanks, oldbat, for the recommendation to laugh. My long haul has been very wearisome of late, and I'm glad you are there smiling for all of us.

Nouce 
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