Oh Razz, how I wish I had some ever-so-wise words to offer you. Along with the big hug you so clearly need.
You are doing an AMAZING job on and are absolutely right when you say "all roads lead to you". Is there any way you could take even a few hours for yourself? Mani/pedi? Swim? Hike? Music? Anything that will give you the peace you crave?
Music, books and coffee with a friend do it for me. Yes, it is just a moment out of hard time. I sometimes feel we're all in segragation - for crimes we certainly did not commit. But you need parole. Scented bath, candles, more music? Massage?
Your mother obviously needs more care than you or the residence she's in can supply. Is it time to move her, over her protests, to long-term-care? Those homes are not all bad. Karl's certainly isn't. Sometimes, to save ourselves, we have to upset someone we love. But, in the end, it usually works out in everybody's favour. It worked for me, ultimately, when I had to tell Karl I was "divorcing" his daughters. This freed everbody up, including me, to move forward peacefully.
Your daughter does need help. Immediate help. Is there a women's shelter anywhere close? I'm not sure what the "toxic situation" entails, but she obviouslly needs counselling, legal advice, and a safe place. All of these can be provided by social services. Depending, I guess, on where she lives.
I'm sorry, Razz, for delivering what could appear to you to be platitudes. But sometimes the simplest things - lunch with a friend, say - offer a few hours of respite. Do whatever makes you, if not happy, at least less troubled for a short space of time. Then do it again!
Sending you peace, love and scented candles!
oldbat