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Reply by April01
17 Oct 2015, 1:22 AM

These last two days have been really bad. My husband's pain was unmanageable. Nothing was working, finally he is asleep, so either the pain is better or the medication has finally knocked him out. His bones hurt so bad that he actually cried today. He now has a huge lump under his ribs on the right side and he says that it is hurting. These poor people with cancer, my heart breaks for him and everyone else with cancer... I hope everyone is having a good day.
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Reply by KathCull_admin
17 Oct 2015, 1:35 AM

Dear April01
My heart goes out to you both. It is so hard for your husband but it is also hard for you to watch and do everything you can to make him comfortable - and worry.  I would hazard a guess that the medication has eased the pain and is now allowing him to sleep.

Are you able to contact the palliative care team for help with controlling his symptoms? 

Thinking of you April01 and wishing you both rest.
Katherine 
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Reply by April01
17 Oct 2015, 12:36 PM

Thank you Katherine. He only slept for three hours when he started pain walking. He talks and it seems he is awake but he is not. He told me this morning that the pain is more than he can handle. I called his palliative care nurse and she is coming by today. My heart hurts for all the caregivers because  know how hard this roller coaster ride is. Between the people here on this site and me, I wonder how much cancer patients can take? To watch him not being able to get comfortable and nothing I can do about it. This really sucks.... Thanks for listening. 
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Reply by Marymary
19 Oct 2015, 12:03 AM

Ahh April 01  - so sorry to hear of your husband's conditon (worsening)....it truly does suck not only for him but for those who are so close to him, believe you me - I can relate as I'm sure other also can.  Please keep on praying!!! I will be for you and yours too of course, it seems like that is all we have when you get to stages such as yours - I hope it brings some kind of comfort or at least a little bit - I do believe in power of prayer I do.  

As you said in one of your posts others can not understand your prayers or thoughts and they have changed, that is also so very understandable no it is not because you have given up or you want him to go - god no that is not it at all.  Wehn you love someone so much it is hard to see them in the state they are in - suffering / hurting / pain where is the relief what can bring the relief?  It is a very hard to place to be in and its ok if your prayer has changed.

I'd like to share something with you please I hope you do not take the wrong way....

A co-worker of mine battled breast cancer from 2006-2009 bless her heart and yes we all prayed for healing - sent her healing but when the Dr's finally told her that there was nothing left to do for her and she was going to die within the month - I did not know how to pray for her for healing nope didn't seem right so an Elder of mine said leave it in creator's hands and just support her that best that you can....my prayer changed to whatever Creator thought was best for her and to not allow her to suffer too long for her sake as well as her family's.  WE talked and she shared with me she was originally scared but came to terms with it right away she could speak with me  but not her family....she was not scared anymore and she accepted it because she was tired & did not want her family worrying about her., she said I would love to let them know I'm ok with this all but they look @ it as I don't have hope (catholics) and she asked how she could speak to them so they would understand and I told her tell them exactly what your telling me - be straight to the point and I felt very honored she spoke with me about this issue and she loved them so much but they have to come to terms with it because she was and they were keeping her here.  She was with us another 3 weeks and then she flew home to be with her dad.  Reason I say fly morning she passed I dreamt of her flying by my place and so frigin happy and said thank you mary thank you - what a blessing that was.  

My son with his dad's situation this is 2nd time around with cancer, 1st time he was in ICU for months (3.5) and just about died 3 times so this time not that extreme mind you but still at times critical.  My son said I only wanted to know if my dad was goign to die at the beginning and now I think it'd be better, so he is not suffering so much, how profound is that coming from a teenager - I told him I was proud of him and we have to leave it in god's hands and his dad's.  It is up to them now.  Still is....I wonder seriously how much we hold on here that makes them hold on even longer than necessary for us they do so - I think cuz of love and vice versa - we love them and they love us.  Hmmm something to think on - for me and whoever else. 

Hope this does not offend you about my coworker or my son - I dso o not mean any harm whatsoever but sharing words/expressing how some feel and hopefully that sheds some light on things - I hope.  (these words are for me as much as you!).  Typing things just come flying out sometimes - I look back and think - did I type that?

Will update on another post - my prayers & thought are with you and yours April 1 and please know we are all here for you - I wish there was something we could do for you - I so do. Sending you love an light and prayers my sister.   Keep your chin up and stay strong and remember to rest your body 
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Reply by April01
19 Oct 2015, 2:19 AM

Mary, thank you so very much For sharing and never be worried about me being offended. Your friend was so lucky to have a friend like you. I had a similar experience when my grand-dad died. That experience actually gave me piece in his passing. Eric has told me that he is not ready yet. He is getting weaker and sicker. The pain is terrible But he says that God is not ready for him yet. He had a dream and had a great conversation with him. Eric told me that he will know when God is ready and he will tell me. Ok.... It is just so hard to watch as you know. Mary, you are quite the lady, taking care of your exhusband through this. You are showing everyone around you as well as here what a great person you are and what you are showing your son is something not everyone could show there child. Hugs to you and God bless you.
April 
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Reply by April01
20 Oct 2015, 8:50 AM

Hello everyone... Eric's palliative care doctor came here yesterday and made major changes to his medications, thank God. We are hoping this will help  now. He still only slept 4 hours but that is better than he has been doing. I know it will take a few days to actually find out if they will help. She is suck a caring person and we feel very comfortable with her. i  his palliative nurse and she talked with the doctor to see what could help. I do not feel alone anymore when it comes to helping with his pain. I hope everyone has a good day..
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Reply by Razz
21 Oct 2015, 2:45 PM

(((April)))  .... it such a hard thing to do; watch someone you love be so uncomfortable.  He is very fortunate to have such a caring person by his side along with some good pallitive support.  What an interesting dream he had - with God not being ready for him yet.  In any case my hope for you all is to be able to find a feeling of "peace" during this time.  Both physical and mental peace.  

I've been away from the site for the last little bit as I'm away from home at my daugther's.  She's been very ill with her second pregnancy and well.... her common-law-spouse is a reall piece of work at times.  I came to help out as best I could since she was supposed to be on "best rest" after a stay in the hospital.  Well I was here for a couple of days and she ended up back in the hospital.  On Thurs. she will pass that "magical" 37 week mark and the doctor feels that it might be best to induce her then.  Personally I feel very confident that it's a good choice and think that mom and baby will be just fine medically.  It's what will happen when they get home that concerns me far more.  Ah well ... like so many things in life it's mostly out of my control so I have to let it all go and just be here (for now physically and then emotionally later) for my daughter and the children.  

April I will continue to keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers.  It is a hard journey you travel but although it may not feel like it right now - there are blessings along the way and you'll appreciate them later.  

Razz  
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Reply by April01
22 Oct 2015, 2:38 AM

Razz, you sure do have your hands full. I will keep you, your daughter and grand child in my prayers. Being a wife and mother as well as grand mother has it joys but has its sadness as well. My step son has been living with an awesome lady for six years and they had a baby girl a year ago. Now he has decided that he is not happy and wants to be with her but date other people as well. I guess he wants his cake and eat it too. She was wise and left. She has been awesome about us seeing our grand daughter but she and he continue to call me with their problems. She moved back here and he is in Alberta. I do not want to hear the problems nor do I want to be in the middle. I have explained to both of them that my mind his on my husband and I do not need drama. They keep trying. All I can do is pray for them. 
Today Eric told me that he just wants this over with. He also told me that he is not afraid of dying, he is afraid of leaving me. I know I should have told him right then that I would be all right but I could not do it. I am not convinced that I will be all right. I know I have to tell him that I will be and I will in the middle of the night when he is awake and with it.
The doctor was in and changed his medications but it did not seem to make much of a difference. She also said that she could now feel the cancer in the ribs and she knows it is now in his liver because of his colour and she can feel that it is now larger than it was. He now has a tumour the size of a baseball in his abdomin. The palliative care doctor was so great with both of us. She answered all of our questions even with answers that was hard to hear. That is life I guess.
I hope you have  great week  I am praying for you..
hugs
April 
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Reply by April01
23 Oct 2015, 1:32 AM

I need to correct something here. I said that Eric's palliative care nurse was upset about his weight loss when in fact it was the VON. She said that she was here to do a palliative care check up and she did but his actual palliative nurse is someone else. I am glad that I finally know who is who in all of this.  I hope everyone is having a great week.
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Reply by Marymary
25 Oct 2015, 3:25 PM

Hi Razz / April 01

Razz - you are such a good mother - yes we are all nuturer's and life givers (your daughter) & we do what we do for our children (regardless of their age)., its tough at times allowing them to live their own lives while we sit back or watch or howevr you want to perceive it., but it is THEIR life now.  They have to live it and go through their own experiences to be who they are going to become.

I had a real tough decision to make when I was 19 one of the toughest ever and I asked my mom what she thought and what would she do and she said Mary I'm sorry but I can not give you my thoughts on this at the time, I can't.  Once you make your decision then we can talk - I was so upset and thought she did not care or love me anymore - I got mad & then she said some words to me I will never forget as long as I live and I hope to live up to them myself.  She passed away in 2008 so....

My mom said - Mary I raised you to know what it right and wrong, I hope I given you the correct tools that you need in life & you are your own person & this is your life you are living. but now I can not share my opinion or thoughts on your situation because it may sway your decision one way or the other - this is a major life decision which you have to make on your own - for your own reasons, no one else can make it for you nor should they.  I will stand by you regardless of what your decision is but it is yours alone to make.  So once you make your decision then we can talk.  WOW HUH

I think about those words regarding my own child who is 18 and yes same applies.  you are doing a great j ob as a mom and she is so lucky to have you there when the babe arrives regardless of what her situation is with her man - you are her light and love - how lovely is that.  For as much as you feel towards him - you can't tell me she doesn't already know that right...she'll work it out on her own., she will.  Congrat & Hugs to you Grandma :)

APRIL 01 - Glad your pallative care team is there for you and they are listening and changing the meds & they are answering your questions or giving you answers to you.  I am glad Eric has shared with you about his dream re: god and he will let you know., that is good.  

When I spoke of my friend & my son in an earlier msg I was trying to get across which did not come across - you know your husband best - you do - I know that as well as everyone else here.  But where I was going with that was if he had a close friend of cor-worker someone who was not family as I was to Monique.  She shared with me because she could not share with them, she did not want to ADD to their stress or worry, that is why I was ok to talk too.  My son's dad did the same thing while he was in hospital before ICU & when he finally could talk coherently enough, he shared with friends butnot family or me, how he was scared or how he thought of death etc. - why because they LOVE us and do not want to add to it - you know what I mean.  So that was my thought - it is not because he does not love you - not at all.  They have so much to think on and I was always thankful wayne shared with them with his friends, a form of release - getting it out - good for him.  They of course would then share with me at beginning I was like well he never said nothing to me and his friend said he won't.  You have your son to deal with & the dr's and you have enough on your plate.

So that is why I mentioned that - MAYBE just maybe - your soulmate Eric has already shared with his friends or priest or brother, I am not sure but hopefully there is or was an avenue there for him.  Just my way of kinda getting across to you - he may need to talk to someone other than you - to share to not add to your plate - that is just how they see it / feel it / because of the love and caring they have for us. 

Hope you are getting rest & I will post later today - hugs (stay strong - chin up)
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