Hi Daffy,
I am Wingman.
When the doctors told my best friend that her stage II cancer had metastisized......they referred to it as "cancer behaving badly".
They delivered a terminal diagnosis.
She had no family, and upon this dx I told her that I would be her wingman.
And I was.
I am just a friend, I have no great insights, I took on the hell.
She died almost 10 months ago, and I was there.
My role, my thoughts at the time,
my place to be at the time......was by her side. I went to appointments, we discussed options, we made decisions.
She was in absolute denial and never made the desicion to STOP the treatment. Be it right, or be it wrong......this I do not know. It was the decision she made and it was hers alone to make. Me, I am a bit mixed up about it now.....but at the time....it was what needed to be, and I have no regret in that.
The caregiver role is complicated and trying....it is beyond what I feel I can put into words. To do this as a friend is the grandest gift.
This is not a place somenone chooses......this is a decision one makes in the moment when there is no other decision to be had. I hope you do feel that this is where you need to be. For me, it was my process, in this that I needed, to be able to cope.
to be present,
to understand,
to see myself and be who I didn't know I was. I could not comprehend what was happening otherwise.
Is all enough,
Is everything too little,
but what else do I have to offer.
Daffy, know that I have travelled this path.
Know that others here understand the survival mode one must enter in order to do what needs to be done.
I offer to you my strong.....it has served me when I needed it.
Here, feel surrounded by understanding of the truest difficult task the world can hand us.
Step at a time.
WM