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wow how life changes
 



Terry, who I have been with for 13 years, was not feeling well since December of 2008.   He went to a doctor and was prescribed different antibiotics at this time related to his hoarse voice, not feeling well and how his chest sounded. As his voice did not come back and he continued to feel awful into late January, he was very reluctant to go to the doc and have some tests done to find out what was wrong.  Finally he had no choice as he was very ill, losing weight , loss of appetite, nausea, loss of voice, and  very pale at times. We did discuss the possiblity of this being cancer at home before we went to the hospital. His decision was to have no treatment, as he had watched his mother and father have a rough time with this. During his week in the hospital all the tests confirmed it was cancer, lung, kidney, and adrenal gland. Inoperable.  Uncurable.  He refused a biopsy to determine the stage and he refused chemo, I stood by him and his decision. 

We came home and things have progressed fairly quickly. It is a feeling of shock at first when diagnosed, then anger and feeling like you have not been given enough time with this person, a feeling that my whole life and world has just stopped around us.  The whole family is very affected, including the animals.  We take one day at a time and are grateful for the time we have had, he is now at home, back and forth from palliative care at St. Mary's of the Lake hospital in Kingston where we live.  When at home, we have some home care, and some absolutely fantastic friends.  Heather in particular, who even though her life is busy, she is there anytime she's needed and has been the major person to help cope through this overwhelming experience in life. Family and all of our other friends have also been great, and what they have realized is that this is not just Terry going through this, it is everyone but especially us in the house, which has been a great help to all of us. Right now there has been a decrease in his health, increased sleeping, confusion, and changes in his breathing while sleeping.  The unknown is very hard, but I feel good being here as much as I can for him, also all friends and family who have been there for him, we know that the end is near and sooner rather than later.  He is comfortable at this time, at home, though he may be back in the hospital if it gets too hard at home and together, we have made that decision.

I can't sleep right now and thought I would write this and share my thoughts and prayers with everyone else in life who may be going through this right now. We talked about everything he wanted medically to the end and made all his arrangements and Terry went through all his personal belongings and gave to people as he desired and this helped me, so all this is done and I do not have to make this decision.  It is all done as he wished already, and it makes me satisfied eveything is done how he wanted it to be.  I feel it helps me to know I am not alone as even with the support I have, sometimes it sure feels that way..Take care, from Cheryl