My husband was diagnosed with stage IV head and neck cancer in August 2014. There was almost six weeks of waiting before his biopsy and scan results were in. We went from wondering about IF he had cancer to knowing that their was NOTHING that could be done except perhaps some radiation and chemo to slow the progress of his various tumors. They pulled all of my husbands teeth out rather the wait for him to get the necessary repairs before the start of radiation and then decided against giving him radiation as there were too many tumors to concentrate on. This has led to my husband feeling as though the doctors are not competent and he witholds information from them. It has been just over 18 months now of chemo treatments to which he is now at the stage where the cancer is continuing to grow inspite of it all.
I am not healthy. I have had type 1 diabetes for over 50 years now. I was fortunate enough to get disability about 3 years ago at least and my doctor says my bloodwork test results are vastly improved. I keep my blood sugars in the range that they are supposed to be but I feel so exhausted. I make sure to be available for my husband for whatever he needs when he requires it with a smile on my face.
I am doing all that I can for my husband. I have taken over all of the household responsibilites and we are prepared with POA's and wills. Is it selfish of me to wonder when all of this will beccome easier for me? I will miss my husband terribly when he is gone. We have been together almost 18 years now. He is a young man yet. He just turned 48 years old a week ago. His deterioration makes me want to cry but I don't really allow myself to do so unless I am alone. His once handsome face is now swollen with veins running through it and his hair is gone. He is also terribly thin. Sometimes I am scared that this is how I will remember him.
We have some really great friends and some that are demanding his time be spent with them. I feel anxious to have people over because the house is not up to par. I spend my energy on my husband. I have also been more diligent with trying to make exercise a more steady part of my routine. I try to have my downtime too. I read a bit or watch tv to take my mind off of things. I think I am doing all that I can to ease my burden and yet I feel really rundown. Any suggestions?