Dear sickness,
I send you my sympathies in your loss. It's a scary place you are in right now, and you must feel out of control of things.
Everyone has has already given you good advice. Feel the feelings, don't expect your life to right itself overnight
your loss, your children's loss is real and so difficult
nothing matters it seems, but you have friends here to reply, to listen, so hang onto that connection, don't try and do it all yourself.
best wishes, and from one who has survived loss, you will always honour and remember your husband, you will come out the other side. Give yourself permission to grieve.
sending a hug,
NatR