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Trying to move on

Créé par Big Cliff

02 déc. 2017, 14 h 27

I recently lost my wife after 36 wonderful years and I am having a really rough time. Even though I am surrounded by family and friends, I still feel lonely! I am missing having someone to take care of and having someone to take care of me.

I'm not interested in jumping into bed with anyone or trying to replace my wife, no one could live up to that expectation! I think it would really help if I could find someone to take some trips with, cook a meal for, watch a movie with......I love to cook, travel, take road trips, or just curl up on the couch and watch a good movie.

A friend suggested I go on sites like "plenty of fish" and try to find someone, that didn't work out to well, I ended up with a 31 year old single mother wanting to hook up with me, I'm 71 years old. The other thing I found was that they tried to con you into signing up and paying them a fee so you "could see who was interested in you". I don't mind paying for things but I really get uncomfortable when I feel someone is trying to put something over on me.

I don't smoke, only have a drink very occasionally so I don't do bars, don't do drugs, am pretty healthy, am financially secure. Where do I go to try to meet someone?

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Réponse de MikeGold_admin

14 déc. 2017, 16 h 48

Thanks for sharing your story with us Cliff. When someone as close as a spouse dies, we grieve not just them but also the loss of our roles. It is especially painful when it is the caregiving roll that is lost. The hole that is left in our identity can never really be replaced; we can only hope to discover a new normal for ourselves and create a new identity with new roles.

In terms of your question; it's difficult. The focus of this forum is about sharing stories and experiences to find support and encouragement but I'm not sure if it is the ideal place for finding a new partner. I know that's probably not what you want to hear at this moment but know that this community is here for you if you want to talk.

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Réponse de Big Cliff

19 déc. 2017, 20 h 58

Thanks Mike, I appreciate the reply!

I'm not sure where to turn next, I know that sitting at home and feeling sorry for myself isn't the answer. I am attending a group but listening to everyone else that is in the same boat just makes me feel like a hamster trapped in a wheel, it just keeps going around. No one seems to have answers, they just keep talking about how sad they are.

I realize that my life is never going to be the same as it was. I accept that but I'm not willing to let this become the new normal, my Sue would never have wanted that for me. I am involved in a couple of social groups, cards, darts.... but most of the others have a partner, and those that don't really don't want one.

I know there are all sorts of support groups available for people trying to cope with all sorts of problems. I'm sure there are probably some for people in my situation where people can just talk but where?

If anyone can point me in the right direction I would sure appreciate it!

All the best!

Cliff

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Réponse de MikeGold_admin

26 déc. 2017, 19 h 11

Hi Cliff,

It sounds like the steps you've already taken are allowing you to reach your goals but you may want to search for social groups in your area on Facebook as there are groups on there for almost every reason, including to just meet up and chat about current events or whatever is on your mind.

Again, your courage to reach out and pursue support will allow you to one day achieve your new normal, but grief after the loss of a wife of so long will not be a quick evolution. Your new normal will be something that you notice has happened after reflecting on your emotions after some time. We are here to support you as you continue to become your new identity.

Mike

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