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Lost my mom on mothers day 2019 
Créé par tiffsedge
30 mai 2019, 22 h 25

My name is Tiffany and I lost my mom to Cancer on Mothers day 2019. She was 63. 

We were always very close. But in the months before she died she really pulled away from me and I truly had no idea she was even sick.  She showed no signs of anything being wrong until the very end of her life. 
She had a stroke and we rushed her to the ER. She had lost some weight too. but never did I think she had such agressive cancer in her.  She had end stage Lung Cancer that had spread to her liver.  From the moment she was rushed to the hospital till the day she died was 17 days. 
I feel so lost . I feel empty and scared and I cannot stop crying.  The first week was really busy because there is so much to do but now as i am entering week 3 it all feels so overwhelming to me.  My entire world changed the moment she died. 
I feel like my friends and family no longer want to hear about me and how I feel. Some of my so called closest friends have not even given me an inch of their time in this.  It feels like the world is suddenly on high speed and I am stuck on pause. 
I have days I feel totally destroyed. Sometimes I am so angry.  But everyday I am deep into a depression. 

 
Réponse de barbcurt
05 juin 2019, 0 h 36

Hello Tiffany

My condolences on your mom's passing.  When we suffer a loss our world does change.  I have experienced a loss and can sympathize with what you are having to endure.  I think sometimes others do not fully understand the extent of our grief and do not really know how to interact with us.  I know the intentions are good but, really, how do you deal with someone who is going through something you cannot really imagine.  As I've been told, the world keeps going on, it does not stop and wait for us.  This is hard.  Sometimes we just need time.  It has been sometime for me but I am still emotional.  All I can say is to hang in there.  Having the courage to reach out to others through this forum is a good start.  I hope you find some of what you are looking for here.

You are not alone here.

Barbcurt
 
Réponse de tiffsedge
20 juin 2019, 17 h 45

thank you so much for responding.  It is so hard.   Someone told me well life goes on so should you. But I think sometimes that is the hardest part. That life does go on.  Lately it feels like life is going on but I am still sitting on a pile of grief and I cannot go on. People stopped talking about my mom, and when i bring her up, they just get quiet.  
I've been keeping to myself a lot more now because I just feel so different.  I made a comment about how when I left the hospital after my mom died. It felt like the entire world had shifted and I no longer recognized anything or anyone in it anymore. A male friend told me that was nonsense to think but it was truly how i felt in that moment. 
 
24 juin 2019, 17 h 00

Hi Tiffany,

Grief can seem so overwhelming and lonely. Not many people understand the depths of grief. And it can be particularly difficult when you aren't given time to prepare for a death and brace yourself for the "world shifting" (as you state above). The close relationship you were privileged to have with your mother, makes the loss all the more devastating....

The Canadian Virtual Hospice has a website that deals solely with grief, that many people have found helpful. It is available at: www.mygrief.ca. Please consider this resource, as it highlights the experience of others who share their stories about loss.
 
You may also find that there will be time that you are looking for bereavement resources (such as a group or individual counselling) in your local area. The Canadian Virtual Hospice has a programs and services listing that lists bereavement resources across Canada. Please click here to find this information: http://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Support/Resources/Programs+and+Services.aspx

Please know grief is a difficult journey, it is difficult. By sharing your emotions here you are processing the impact your Mom's death is having on you as a person. We hope you are able to find others to support you so that you know you are not alone.

Simone 
(CVH Moderator)
 
 
Réponse de HoneyBeez
15 août 2019, 15 h 00

Hey Tiffany, I lost my dad 5 years ago and I really resonate with your experience of feeling people withdrawing. Know that your journey to build the chapters of your life without your mom are yours and there is no right or wrong way to go about it. If you need to talk about your mom and process your thoughts and feelings, come to places and people that welcome your energy. I have found many people who have not yet crossed into this region of life are scared to get close because it is a reminder that the picture perfect world has some pain. So keep doing everything that your heart calls for! I keep a letter box and writer my Dad notes periodically seal them up and will review them later.....it helps for some of the emotion as well as hopefully some smiles down the line when I go back to reread them. 
 
18 avr. 2020, 16 h 40

Hello everyone,
I know it's been some months since this thread was active. Tiffaney ist's coming up to a year since you lost your mom. Anniversaries, especially first anniversaries without the ones we love can be hard. I have found that sometimes it is the days around the anniversary can be hard too. And I like you think that yes the world does shift after death. It won't be the same - a new normal. Are there things that are feeling more normal to you now? 

A new member CDP started the thread Today is mom's birthday...  Could I ask those of you on this thread to consider responding to her post. As always this is an invitation not expectation.

Take care
Katherine


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