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Antisapatory Grief  
Créé par FVS
01 juin 2019, 13 h 38

My husband has a terminal illness. We live in Costa Rica where the doctors and society tell me not to tell my husband he will soon die. I am consumed with grief and no one to talk with.
 
Réponse de barbcurt
05 juin 2019, 0 h 47

FVS

Sorry to hear about your situation.  I don't know what to say but don't let grief cloud your remaining time with your husband.  Whether you tell him or not is not for others to say.  Spend as much time together as you can while you can.  It will help comfort you later.  I lost my wife, too me, suddenly.  If I had known what was coming I would have spent every minute I could with her.

I just wanted to reply so you knew you were not alone.  Reaching out to others in this forum is a good step.  There are many who have similar situations.  I hope it brings you some comfort in the time ahead.

Barbcurt
 
Réponse de FVS
05 juin 2019, 1 h 14

Thank you for reaching out. I am sorry to read about your wife. We are retired and I do try to spend all of my time with him. I thought that grief would come after he left, not during his illness. This process is confusing. I do try to set my grief aside and tend to his needs as any best friend would.  
 
Réponse de Cassie88
01 sept. 2019, 1 h 29

I’m sorry to hear about your husband. My dad is currently in liver failure and it’s affecting his entire body. It’s very difficult because his doctor just gave up on him because nothing is working and he cant get into the referral hospital for a month and a half but I don’t think he will make it that long. I wish the doctor would have given us some insight to go on but he just left us with grief and not kno when it will happen. I can’t imagine how he feels knowing he’s dying. It breaks my heart and it’s all I think about.
 
Réponse de NatR
03 sept. 2019, 19 h 54

Dear Cassie88,
i am so sorry to read about  your father and his illness.  I Know you are in shock as well as your father, It’s a very difficult time for you all.  Will the dr be  providomg pain management for your dad so he will be comfortable at home? Is there any support group in your area? To lean on, to maybe have some help you with a few hours of care? 

its very overwhelming to handle all of the stress and support of caring for your dad - but you can do this  - and I hope you will write more and let your feelings out, ask questions and share your stress. 

 Sending you a virtual hug and hope it helps to read this note .  
Sincerely,
natR 💕 
 
Réponse de Cassie88
04 sept. 2019, 1 h 34

Thank you! Right now he is still working because he doesn’t want to lose his life insurance policies to take care of my mom but we all want him to retire or go on a leave because she just wants him to not be in pain and enjoy whatever time he has left. He just learned that he can go on a medical disability and get his benefits but I guess it’s hard to get on? We just want him home ASAP but he will fight to the end to do what he think is right. That’s also heartbreaking. He’s to a point where its starting to affect his memory. It’s pretty scary. He foun a support group that meats in person but it’s way out of state and the ones he finds online are family members going through it and not tge actual people and that’s putting him into depression. You’re very right that this is never easy. Im the type of person where I need a plan and wants answers now. I don’t like not knowing. I guess that’s where my faith needs to come in and just to trust that although it’s hard and sad that it will be ok.
 
Réponse de NatR
05 sept. 2019, 0 h 27

Hi Cassie88,
thx for writing back
in my humble opinion it sounds like your father’s health condition should be validation for going on medical leave? 
I don’t know why he would be denied - and I encourage you to get him to get answers to those questions, and enjoy the time he has left ...  that’s just what comes to mind to me, and I would think it makes sense - but I know it’s complicated

its important to have Faith and take each day as it comes.  you will be an important advocate for your dad - taking notes, asking questions. Investigating - I hope you will be able to encourage your dad to be good to himself as well.  It sounds awful that he wants to continue to work unwell, but I am sure there are many things to consider

be brave- he needs that from you - and your mom needs that too
write back and let us know how you make out as you search for ways to help
knowledge is power - and it sounds like you need to step up and be that person,  I wish you well on this journey - and I hope you are able to connect with a hospice care or a support group which will be helpful for you and your family


I wish I could do more, but at least you have the support of this message bosrd- a place to vent, share and get encouragement

best wishes NatR  😍
 


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