Hi Gordon,
Thank you for sharing your extremely difficult story with us. Where are you located? If you are in Canada, then your health care providers are obligated to share information about Medical Assistance in Dying with you. Each province does it a little bit different so it would depend on where you're living.
It seems as though you're not having much luck finding support from your health care providers at the moment. Can you identify anyone else as an advocate at this time? Do you have a counsellor or psychologist you can trust, to help support and advocate on your behalf?
If you're feeling like you're going to act on your suicidal thoughts, please contact your local crisis services.
https://suicideprevention.ca/need-help/