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No hope for surgery now 
Créé par Tonto
13 janv. 2018, 19 h 46

My husband was diagnosed with borderline resectable pancreatic cancer on August 29, 2017. After six rounds of folfirnox chemo (which we understood was the most effective to shrink the mass), we found out Tuesday that not only has the mass not shrunk, the cancer has metastised to his liver. The surgeon told us he is no long a candidate for surgery so the cancer is no longer curable. Treatment now will cosist of pallitive care as we understand it but he sent his bloodwork to the oncologist and has an appt for Thursday. I cannot stop crying and I do not understand how we are going to do this. I lost my best friend to lung cancer on October 16, 2017 and she told me "you have no choice, you just have to get up and get it done". Does it get any easier and what can we expect now. The surgeion was very non committal about timelines of course, and my husband is still very active, even still working!
Réponse de MikeGold_admin
17 janv. 2018, 0 h 47


Thank you for sharing your difficult story with us. Having transitioned from the curative phase of care now to the palliative phase, there are some things that you can expect. Of course, there is no way to ever know if this process will be easier or harder as everyone has a different experience with grief, but now that your husband is receiving palliative care, you can begin to explore this new perspective if you feel comfortable and ready. 

First, I have to reiterate that the grieving process is different for everyone and is dependent on so many variables. You may find that the way you grieve for your husband will be different from the way you are grieving for your best friend as they are different people and mean different things to you. Not being able to stop crying or crying in unexpected moments is a very normal response to anticipated loss, especially when it's someone as dear to you as your husband. With anticipated loss, however, comes an opportunity to enhance the quality of life that he has right now, which is the intention of the palliative care he is receiving. It will be difficult, but when you're ready you may feel inclined to engage your husband in a conversation about his hopes, his fears; your hopes, your fears for the future. What is important to you both right now knowing that his diagnosis has evolved? 

It's wonderful that he is still very active and working. The philosophy of palliative care promotes activity if it benefits his overall quality of life. You may find that he remains active for quite some time during the course of this new approach. 

Lastly, about what your friend told you about getting up and getting it done. If that thought allows you to address the feelings and emotions you're having then embrace it, but try not to feel limited by anyone's advice or suggestions during your grieving process. Your grief is your own and no one will ever know exactly what you're going through except you. 

Please consider logging on to as it is a helpful online companion for support during those times that you just want to explore grief in your own space and time.
Réponse de Tonto
17 janv. 2018, 17 h 02

Thank you. After tomorrow's appt I am going on the Canadian Cancer site and seeing if they can match me with someone from peer support. The online forums have provided good info but I really need to talk to someone who has gone through the same thing.
Réponse de keromil
22 oct. 2018, 6 h 53


Good review and post. Keep well.

Les pieds ne sont pas laids