This thread was started in response to conversations on But who advocates for me? this past week.

“I could deal with his confusion and all that, but the hostility is so hard. I know that he doesn't really mean what he says, and that he is sick and miserable and unhappy. But it is hard,” wrote Frustrated.              

Jimmie responded, “There is a part of you that can't help being hurt and broken by such abuse.  Nevertheless, for me, there are still restorative times.  She is as lovely at such moments as she ever was and my heart is broken all over again but softly, softly.”

Later Nouce wrote, “Just today everything seems to have gotten worse for him--worry and forgetting and frustration. Will we wake up tomorrow and have it still be worse, or will some rest give him a bit more "presence"?

In the article about Confusion, Dr. Mike Harlos writes, “Patients are often upset by their own confusion, feeling that they are losing control over their lives, or are at risk of losing their dignity. Confusion is also upsetting to family members, who may feel like they’ve lost a member of the family even before that person has died.”

What helps when you are asking yourself as Xenia did, “Where is the person we wed or knew a few years ago?”

Katherine 

BOOK REVIEW: Dementia Beyond Disease

By Dr. G. Allen Power

Dementia Care has changed and is evolving. Unfortunately, we still follow the medical model, treating symptoms, rather than modifying our approach as those with dementia symptoms' abilities change. This author has proposed some thoughtful changed to the ways we manage the care of patients with these symptoms.

This is an excellent book. Groundbreaking ideas.
I was sent a copy to review, and pruned all the important details for my friend whose mom and dementia.
Partly, we must change our perceptions and this will change our reactions, and those of our loved ones.

It is vital, as well, to understand that people can have dementia AND delirium and the former can cloud a diagnosis of the latter. My late father was in the ER with delirium from a UTI, masked by his dementia symptoms. He was released from the ER without a diagnosis, and delirium can be cured.

Delirium - we ignore it, or remain ignorant

 

One of my big complaints about my father's visit to the ER on the day of my mother's funeral - was not that he didn't receive great care. However, often the ER isn't always the place where adequate or accurate diagnoses are made. Especially for seniors with increasingly complex comorbidities.

Dad had delirium, which was masked by his dementia.