Hi, my husband and I are 30, we met when we were 16. Almost half of my life has been spent with him, and it feels like half of me is soon to be torn away. In late February he was diagnosed with cancer. He battles Testicular Yolk Sac cancer with mets in his lung and bones. This past Friday he had a seizure before my eyes. They found more mets in his brain. This is so awkwardly written, sorry for that. He responded well to the chemo and radiation, but that was all before the seizure. Everything inside me feels like it is preparing to face the worst. We are at the hospital now, hours from home, and as we drove away from the house I couldn't help but think about how different things will be when I get home again.
I should say that while we struggle we are dealing better than most people expect, at first anyway. We don't wear fake strength or pretend everything is alright. We cry, get mad, and feel sorry about things together and then we move onto the next terrible obstacle his cancer throws at us. The obstacles are getting the best of me and I know it is getting to be a lot for him too. While we are honest when we feel hurt, I am starting to feel less positive. He is so strong, even after getting kicked back down when things were looking up. But, I read lots of forums from people who are in his position and they say they feel alone and I don't want him to feel alone. Or they get frustrated by their spouse. He has never been one to say no to me and, he is not always great at telling me when I have crossed a line. So I worry he is annoyed with me and won't say anything. He loves me fiercely and I him.
I just want to know if anyone has advise for me. I cannot get seeing him seizing out of my head because in that moment I thought he has dying. When it was happenin, I was sure it was the end. My heart is hurting. What can I do or what shouldn't I say. I feel like my he is slipping away from me and I am scared. Thank you for listening.