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Reply by Jimmie
16 Oct 2014, 8:19 PM

Heh, Katherine, my first full time teaching job was on the West Coast of Newfoundland too - St. Georges!  Wild winters - crazy staff - great kids.  Maybe we met over there - though I had a LOT more hair then than adorns my shiny dome now

My understanding is that amniotic fluid is more or less salty water.  Guess if we spend the first nine months of our lives swimming about comfortably in salty water, it's understandable that most of us feel a kind of kinship with the ocean during our post partum lives.  I certainly do.  Fortunately for me it's only five minutes away from where I live.

On one of the nearby beaches, there's an old, beached Cape Islander.  I often stand on the decaying prow of that vessel, arms outstretched, and pretend I'm Leonardo DiCaprio in "The Titanic" until my wife slaps me silly about the head, tells me to stop singing that stuoid Celine Dion song, takes me home, and makes me watch reruns of Dr. Phil to bring me back to my senses (doesn't work).

Been a long day. Hope everyone out there is OK.


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Reply by Xenia
17 Oct 2014, 2:58 PM

Good Morning All:

Wonderful messages I have read.  Having been born and raised in the prairies and moved around Canada I appreciate the descriptions of our wonderful country.

Fortunatley my husband and I were able to travel much of Canada when he was well, having been across Canada twice with friends and then travelling with the children when they were younger.  With John;s home inWindsor we went to the East and then to the pairies and now reside on the West Coast.  I have and will always have a grand feeling for the big skies and wonderful vistas of the prairies, then my feelings go to B.C. with the mountains and the ocean.  Living in Vancouver, now in the Valley, it was wonderful to see green grass below and know people were ski ing on the mountains just above the burrard inlet.  Many were also sun taning in the winter, hardy folks, and then the Islands were always part of living on the West Coast.

Please keep up the descriptions of your lives and where you live as it is so heartening to read and keeps ones mind off the daily grind.

John has been having some bad days then a turn around and you would not believe he was ill.  Such is his illness.  Nurse was over on Tuesday and feels he should be using more pain medication but John only asks when he is in terrible pain so one day at a time until he realizes he needs to be pro active and get the med in before pain sets in.

To-day is a typical B.C. day, rain and winds, winter is beginning to show its head.  Once the rains set in we know fall and summer are over.  Good times are over and we look forward to winter activities.  Reading, watching tv, going to the movies, general slow down.

Where are you Oldbat?  Looking forward to hearing from you again.  

To all take care.

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Reply by frustrated
19 Oct 2014, 2:14 PM

I have had a rough week. My almost 95 yr old mother-in-law passed away. It was not unexpected and sh just never woke up. So that was a blessing. Husband has been in the hospital two weeks now, so all the arrangments I have had to make.

Husband aquired an infection in a drain site and will be on 10 more days of IV antibiotics. He wants me to be with him all the time and calls if I am not there asking where I am and when will I be back. He is lossing blood somewhere and is getting tranfusions. They can't seem to stablize his blood pressure with his fluid retention. HIs kidney function is very low. So all in all it has been a ***** week.

I feel numb and exhausted. Haven't been sleeping well at nights. I am discouraged.
As Jimmie is so good with word, the storm has been raging and I can't see past the high waves. I feel they are crashing in on me.
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Reply by Xenia
19 Oct 2014, 3:03 PM

Good Moring All"

Dear Frustrated, I can only say I share your pain and all that is happening with your husband and his wanting you to be with him all the time.  Your feeling numb and exhausted only adds to the dileman of him being ill and you not having time for yourself.

My husband had been very good at not wanting me to go out then one day he asked me to stay at home for the 4 hours respite.  I did and he slept most of the time, I felt anger and resementment as I really needed to have my time out.  Thank goodness for our children and the nurse who put me straight on the need for my time out.  I had to just go out and with the care aide in the home what good was it for me to be at home with John sleeping and myself seething that I wanted out.  I realize now that I was at the stage of John's illness that I was becoming too much of a caregiver and not caregiving myself.  

Thankfully John doesn;t ask me to stay with him on my respite days now and seems to accept that I need to get out as I have been doing.  Yesterday I had 3 hours respite and went to the pool with my daughter.  To-day, believe it or not, I slept in till 6:45 when most nights I am awake half the night.  I did hear John moving in his bed and when we spoke at 6:45 he said he was up most of the night and I do believe him but again he can be so caring that he didn;t want to wake me.   Each day caregiving is so different that I have to take it one day at a time and learn to be a little more selfish with my time and take the time out I need.  

Yes, Jimmie the storms do rage and the waves keep getting higher but with the messages from all the waves calm down and the storms subside just reading and knowing that others, too, are facing the storms in their lives and being the caregiver of their loved one.

It is raining to-day and our daughter brought me a shopping bag full of books her friend sent to me so I will have to check them out to see if they are what I would like to read and then sit and watch the rain and read and keep warm with the fireplace on.

Take care and take a time out for yourselves.

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Reply by Nouce
26 Oct 2014, 9:43 PM

Greetings to all,

     I am getting 48 hours "off," going to some work-related events out of town. My brother in law and one of the aides I have hired are coming to cover my partner. So thankful for them, but amazed at how much I have to write down as things to do and to watch for.

     On another thread I read about "fast-forwarding" past the time of intense grief. At times I wish I could "fast-forward" through the slow, daily business of care-giving in an undefined calendar. Right now, I'm just grateful for a chance to drive alone through the Shenandoah Valley (Virginia, USA) and soak in some quiet and beauty. Sending you all thoughts and wishes for courage and daily wisdom.


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Reply by oldbat
31 Oct 2014, 7:52 PM

Hi Nouce,

Hope your 48 hours off gave you at least some of the peace and beauty you were craving..  I certainly envy you that drive.

Still in hospital.  Came home to pay the bills today - then back in.  It is helping.  They have been amazingly supportive and kind, and are trying to find ways to alleviate the isolation I've been feeling for three years. Amazing to think that, in a city of over four milliion, it is still posible to feel unbearably lonely.  But it is. 

Karl is coping with my incarceration quite well.  But his speech has suffered.  Maybe someone could shed a light on why his daughters. knowing how ill I was (isolation for close to two weeks), would not try to at least call and see him and even (really silly thought on my part!) see if there was anything they could do to help me, at least while I'm in hospital.  No!  They still expect me to do exactly what I was doing before I went in.  (Insert sigh of rage and frustration here!)

Sorry!  Still tilting at windmills. 

I'm following your posts on the patient computer, but can't actually post myself from hospital.  It won't except my Oldbat log-in.  Not sure why.  But at least I can read how everyone's doing.

Take care of you all!  And let's hope we can actually share some smiles and chuckles again soon.

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Reply by frustrated
31 Oct 2014, 9:49 PM

Ok Oldbat,

Here is your chuckle. My daughter came to town to visit my husband in the hopsital. She hates hospitals and almost suffers anxiety attacks when visiting. So afterwards we went for a walk around a small local lake in town. It was drizziling when we started, but she had a rain jacket and I had an umbrella. When we were the farthest from the car a squall hit. Within minutes we were both soaked through and walking through a river. We laughed and laughed. It is the most I have laughed in a long time. It was very theraputic for both of us.  

Husband is home now after 4 weeks in the hospital. He is stable for the present.

Take care
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Reply by Jimmie
31 Oct 2014, 10:13 PM


It is so good to hear from you!!!!

It is also lovely to hear that someone is caring for YOU, and apparently doing that with genuine tenderness and concern. I think it has been a long time since you have received such caring attention.  It can be so comforting.

I appreciate the value of conversations either in person or via the net, but even the most profound conversations are not enough in my opinion. I think we need the physical presence and actual touch of another to actually "feel" the care.  I hope that has been your experience.   

There is a time for words, but there is also a time for being held, or embraced - or having your back rubbed, or hair brushed, or feet massaged, or hand held tenderly.

I think it is warm, caring touch which is most capable of diminishing that sense of isolation you mention.  As care givers, we often provide that touch for the ones in our care, but rarely receive it ourselves and that lack of being tenderly held, or touched takes a toll on us exacerbating our sense of being estranged, isolated, empty, exhausted.  WE need to be cared for too!! Touched - held.

Anyway, it sounds like you are in good hands.  I hope you are.  Your partner's daughters are leeches on your limited energies.  Best to pour salt on them.  May you have the very best of nursing care.  May you let go and allow their tenderness to soothe your wounds and stand guard over your exhausted spirit.  May you rest, rest, rest your heavy heart.  May you be held in the arms of those who care for you and sleep.     

With love

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Reply by Nouce
01 Nov 2014, 12:36 AM

So good to hear from you all, especially you, Oldbat! My husband's brother is visiting, and he's been a cheerful sort--but not careful enough, since husband took a big fall getting out of the car while they were together. They say I hover, but I'm determined to avoid these falls. In any case, no serious injury done, thankfully.

No quiet weekend this time; brother-in-law is still here, and daughter comes tomorrow.

Jim, you are so right about touch. With folks around, tomorrow I can slip away for a massage!  So thankful.

Thinking of you all with love,
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Reply by KathCull_admin
05 Nov 2014, 3:05 AM

Hello everyone,
We are working on the technical end to give Oldbat the opportunity to post on the forum. 

Jorola started a new thread Feeling burnt out - just soooooooo tired    She’s having a hard time getting up in the morning and is exhausted all the time.  Would you consider reaching out and touching her with your words? 

Hope you all rest well tonight.


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