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Reply by frustrated
27 Dec 2014, 6:14 PM

I hope all of you had a good day on CHristmas. We were able to get Gary home for a few hours. Unfortuately he didn't realize he was home. That was hard on the kids as they all tried to convince himhe was sitting inhis favorate chair at home inhis house. But all in all it could have gone a lot worse and everyone was glad he was there.

Unfortunately the same couldn't be said for yesterday. The care center called me in the morning as he was very agitated and aggressive. So I went over to see if I could calm him down. He was on a rant all day. The demons in his mind were playing havic and I got hte brunt of it.

Today I was hoping would be better, but I had to leave as he was gettinghimself all worked up again. I have asked that he get some meds to help with the agression and frustration. The demons need to be subdued.

As of Ian, I tried a new recipe, Chocolate turtle brownies. I was goign to send some as they are very good. But the kids and grandkids eat them all. (I did hide a few for me I can't be without chocolate). ANd right now I think I am going to go find some and have a binge.
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Reply by KathCull_admin
28 Dec 2014, 3:57 AM

 Hi VJ

I am glad you didn’t send the brownies – I made some chocolate, caramel bars and even storing them in the freezer can’t keep me from eating them!

Confusion is not easy on anyone, but it sounds like you and your family really pulled together to make Gary’s Christmas the best it could be for everyone.  Trying to help him settle, but knowing when you needed to leave – wise, but hard decisions VJ.

I think you are a wonderful advocate for Gary and 
I wish you wisdom and strength.


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Reply by Xenia
28 Dec 2014, 4:20 PM

Good Morning All:

Happy New Year to all and we had a wonderful Christmas day, however, it ended sadly.

John decided to get up while I was in the bathroom and I heard a bang,  He had fallen, 3rd time .  Called 411, the firemen came, wonderful people then the paramedics.

John had cut his head and banged it, also his arm was bleeding.  Took him to emerg and did a scan.  No damage, he is now in hospital still wanting to sneak out of bed.  Dr. came and spoke to us, geriatric doctor who is in charge of the unit.  Have to see the social worker, etc. etc. Monday and John will not be coming home as he cannot walk or stand up on his own.  

I had a bad nite, thinking.  we are only a few weeks from our 59th wedding anniversary and will be spending it apart. Such is life.

Getting ready to go to hospital.  Talk to you soon.

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Reply by oldbat
28 Dec 2014, 4:48 PM

Oh Zenia, what sad news.  I'm so sorry to hear that John is in hospital  You must be so worried.  Any chance of him coming home at a later date?

I know just how you feel, based on my own experience when Karl was sent into long-term care.  While he was in hospital, I still hoped he'd be coming home.  Just as I did in rehab, right up until the time the 12-year old social worker told me he wouldn't.  I think I went into shock and stayed there for many months.

You have a huge adjustment in front of you.  But, from reading your posts, I know just how strong, resilient and adaptable you are.  You have been my hero for some time now.

Please keep on letting us know how John - and you - are doing.

I'll be keeping you in my heart and my prayers.

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Reply by frustrated
28 Dec 2014, 9:47 PM


I am so sorry, having just put my husband Gary in a care center, I know the guilt you are feeling. All the kind words for this chatline helped. It is always such a hard decision and sometimes the decision is taken out of our hands. That doesn't make it easier.

YOu will have a few sleepless nights, but you are strong. Even though you are tired of being strong, you will make it. My heart goes out to you.

Be kind to yourself. It isn't your fault and nothing you could have done would have prevented this. 

Many hugs.
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Reply by NatR
28 Dec 2014, 9:59 PM

Dear Xenia,

I am so sorry that John had that fall - and that the choice was taken away from you both on timing, on being prepared.

It is difficult for you both after all this time...but despite the hospitalization being hard to take, it honestly is going to be a safer place for John, and a little more rest for you at home Xenia.\

I know its so hard to accept...but I feel you will soon come to appreciate the round the clock staff who will take the brunt of the caregiving from you - so that you can rest, and visit John and still be connected - but not so weary...if that makes any sense at all.

The coming anniversary is a difficult thing to share when apart, but again it is a milestone, it is a testament of the devotion you have had for each other all of these years.

I send you big hugs, and hope that you know you are being heard, and that John will be cared for.  It is not anything to feell guilt about...just be grateful that he didnt have more serious injury...and carry on being his beloved wife)  He would have done the same for you if the situation had been reversed..
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Reply by Jimmie
29 Dec 2014, 11:17 AM


It feels sometimes like passing through a series of tunnels on a slow moving train - each passage dark with mourning and heartache.  Each passage offering, in time, a glimpse of light.  Bless you and John and your family.  Bless your friends near and far.  May they keep you company.


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Reply by jorola
01 Jan 2015, 6:28 AM

May we all have the strength to deal with the days ahead and yes enjoy and live life too. May we all learn to care for ourselves a little more in the new year.

Happy new year everyone.
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Reply by Nouce
01 Jan 2015, 12:22 PM

Happy New Year to all. Thanks, Jorola. I need a massage! Since Christmas my 195 lb Pablo has become a dead weight by late afternoon. I finally admitted I can't do this myself anymore. So working with social worker to bring in paid help.  

May you each one be loved, and find what you need for each day. I'm so grateful for you all!

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Reply by NatR
01 Jan 2015, 3:03 PM

A very Happy New Year to all.
i am encouraged to see sunshine on this first day of 2015 - despite the heavy snowfalls we have been getting the past couple months

spreading a little sunshine to each of you - to refill your supply :)
you all are so encouraging....a wonderful group to be part of.

hugs to all as you start your day today...you are appreciated and loved by your families and friends and most of all by the vulnerable ones you each care for.
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