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Reply by NatR
07 Aug 2015, 3:24 AM

Hello Xenia,

 That was a long letter ( not complaining) 👍🏻 and it certainly contained a lot of news.
firSt of all I am glad you have gone ahead with making your life as easy as possible. My believe you are doing the right thing.

you are moving to a place where you will have company, meals and outings as you want them or need them.

its difficult to downscale your life as I have had to do that a couple of times....and it is stressful but you realize in the long run, that it will be kinder for your body and your mind.  I sincerely hope that you will settle in and be all organized by winter.

your body is telling you to be gentle with yourself, and it will give you opportunity to use your energy in different ways....things you want to do, things you like to do, and not be stressed out by caring for your own condo etc.

i hope you will stay in touch. I know the coming important dates on your calendar will always stick in your mind.....when you love and then lose that loved one, you never forget those celebrations of birth, marriage and more.

you have my admiration and respect
sending you thoughts and best wishes,
stay in touch. you are a mainstay here on the forum.
natR xx
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Reply by Jimmie
07 Aug 2015, 5:29 AM


That was a lovely letter you just posted.  I think you are doing the right thing - as you frequently say so yourself.  You constantly amaze me. You are a grand companion for your friends on and off line.

I have a friend who lives in Squamish.  She's originally from Switzerland and when she lived (for a short while) in our town, her accent and strikingly good looks charmed every old and young codger lucky enough to make her acquaintance. She loves B.C. as much as you obviously do.

I have been back and forth to London, Ontario a couple of times over the last few weeks.  Our grandaughter has had several hospitalizations and I went up to help out. It has been a difficult spring for all concerned.

I was very upset when I read Old Bat's last post.  Life for her has certainly become more rather than less taxing.  Wonderful to note that Mr. Harper is quite prepared to use our money for a ridiculously long  campaign as if there were no other more worthy ways those millions could be spent. I think we have become a meaner, less caring, and less enlightened nation under his  reign. 

I hope things go well for you, Xenia, as you make this move.  Please keep writing.  I am not always up to responding, but I am always interested in hearing from you and all the others.

Take care - sing as often and as raucously as you can.  It is a pleasure to be in your company.

These are heavy, wearying times for many, many people.  Best to keep in touch.


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Reply by Xenia
08 Aug 2015, 4:04 AM

Hello Colleen or Kathleen

Would you plese give me an email addres so I can forward a message from my tech regarding my not receing notices of emails from these message boards.  I have been in contact with shaw, etc. etc and my tech asked me to contact you with a message and I cannot get it sent.

Thank Very Much 

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Reply by moderator | modératrice
09 Aug 2015, 4:00 AM

Hi Xenia,

I got your email and have forwarded the issue to tech support. We will get an answer soon.
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Reply by Xenia
15 Aug 2015, 10:17 PM

Good Morning All:

My move has begun.  Today, my son in laws, 2 of them and my grandson have started moving some of the furniture out of the condo.

The move is somewhat traumatic as I have lived here for many years and am still finding items belonging to John and I find I am having somewhat of a mixed feeling and a panic attack, ocassionally.  Two of my daughters are like Capitans.  kapitans, and are so organized that I sit back and watch my home being dismantled.  Carole the oldest should be rented out as she can come in and take over, knowing what has to go where and make sure everything is in its' place for an easy move.  The youngest, the princess gives orders and takes over and we shake our heads, but she gets things moving, the middle child another daughter has helped but not to the other two's expectations, but all help gladly received.  Our son John came to-day again, and has done his runs to the thrift stores, delivering the abundent left overs such as towels, blankets, kitchen wares, etc. etc.  Last night our neighbour took 8 boxes of kitchen ware I no longer need, saved a few items for myself just in case I want to cook, all my pots and pans from our 25th anniversary went, wine glasses by the box, corelle dinner ware that refused to break has gone and will be used by Greg who has a need for all these items.

Son in law who is a plumber and electrician has fixed the tap in the kitchen, will put in a new light bar in the living room and will caulk the shower tiles,  Then comes the big move Sept. 1/15 and the showing of the condo.  The large items have been spoken for, kitchen table, chairs, etc etc will be given to a thrift shop which uses the money for hospital equipment.  So all in all 59 years of accumulated items will have a second and third life helping out someone else just as I was helped by going to thrift stores to furnish John's and my first home.

Life has been good to John and myself, our children are doing well, we must have done something right as they sure are a help during these times when they are needed most.  I am looking forward to moving with trepedation as it will be a new chapter in my life, just as the Inock Shoaks, I am looking forward seeing where I have been and where I am going.  

I am sitting in my computer room, having been told to sit...no not like sit dong, but to relax and get out of the way so I am writing.  I hear the son in law and grandson back from moving a bed etc and such so Off i go.

Talk to you soon.

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Reply by NatR
15 Aug 2015, 11:26 PM

Dear Xenia,
as traumatic as this move is, I believe you are doing the best thing for yourself...and that was such a big step.
You are fortunate to have the family helping you.
I couldnt help but smile as you decribed your daughters and how they are all different - but how they all do their part.

How wonderful is that:)

Thinking of you as you continue to create a new life with you as the centre.  For so long you have taken care of John and met all his needs.  Now my dear it is your needs...its about You for the first time in a very long time.
Be good to yourself.
You deserve this
Hugs and best wishes...
NatR xo 
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Reply by moderator | modératrice
19 Aug 2015, 5:13 PM

Hi all,

Please welcome new member Liam. Does anyone have advice to offer on the thread he started?

Query on Spouse's Mortgage  

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Reply by Nouce
20 Aug 2015, 12:51 AM

I want to send my greetings to all. Welcome to Liam. I have been absorbed in the matter of finding good 24/7 care for Pablo at home, and between that and my work I have been too exhausted to do much of anything else. But I'm grateful for your updates, send love to all, and hope each is finding some small place of gratitude each day.  For me, today, it was eating a fresh sweet local plum

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Reply by Xenia
20 Aug 2015, 8:23 PM

Good Morning All:

Good to hear from you Nouce.  Wishing you the best in finding 24/7 home care for Pablo, you will find a difference once this happens.  Enjoy your sweet plum and all the fruits of the summer.

I am taking time out from packing and checking out the condo for items to keep and to let go.  I am not taking too much of the furniture as it is too large for the Independent living unit I am moving to.  The family feels I should downsizie and that after 59 years of marriage and skrimping and saving it is time for purchasing new furniture.  I will need smaller furniture anyhow so I will be spending the kids inheritance.

I keep finding reminders of John in various places, his hairbrush, his razor, etc. etc. Not that i need to be reminded but this brings it closer to the front and at times makes it very hard.  I know I have to make the move especially since I had the injury on my knee and it seems to be taking longer to mend, that is the trouble with tendons and soft tissue, they keep bugging you.  I go for physio again tomorrow and hopefully can cut back somewhat as the move is going to take a lot of time and I have spent hours changing address,etc.  

OldBat how are you, Jim, I keep you and your family in mind as you have so much to deal with and can only offer you this type of support and let you know I think of you often.  Nat, thanks for the messages.  Everyone else keep on writing, the need to share is so important even though time has passed I still need support daily.  Talking and thinking bravely doesn't really help me, but I am getting through the days much better now and know I will always miss John and keep him in my memory bank but as each day goes by it seems a little easier.

Best wishes and hugs to all and talk to you soon.

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Reply by NatR
20 Aug 2015, 9:39 PM

Hello Xenia,

Nice to get your note.  I have been thinking of you and hoping all is well.  I hear you on knee injuries, you are right...things that have been bent or broken tend to keep nudging you with pain and weakness.  I walk a lot more carefully after tearing the cartilage behind my knee cap...the Meniscus...and that I never want to have happen again

Of course...I had a ham string let go last winter...on the other leg...so I was beginning to feel like a car starting to have rust damage on the body...LOL

In my case I still have a few good years left - compared to some rusty cars...and I know that you Xenia, and the other readers of the forum will understand and laugh with me...(not at me) ha ha

You will keep finding little things of John for years I bet.  Pieces of paper, things he used, and wore, there just always seems to be one more thing in the bottom drawer..huh?
I hope you know that the love you shared is what now hurts you when you find all these reminders.  John would be missing you if the situation would be reversed.   It is so difficult to just carry on...but I am amazed to have met at least one man in my town who told me he had just lost his second wife...but within weeks he was dating someone who was an acquaintance of mine.   Dont get me wrong, I am sure he misses his wife, I am sure he dealt with grief, but he as some people seem to be able to do...just carried on, and found someone who he could do things with.

I keep seeing them at concerts, coffee shops, the lake, and I marvel at the ability for some to move forward.  But regardless of how it looks on the outside, we can never really know what it feels like for him on the inside.  Some people can hide things better than others

But Xenia, I admire you for your devotion to John, and your ability to share it all with us.  I believe it is helpful to hear from you - as we all will love and lose someone in our lifetime.  I have lost a few people...friends, family, siblings.  It isnt easy.

Sending you hugs and I am glad you are getting new furniture....do spend your money on you...and dont feel it has to stay in the backyard under a bush to hand out to your kids or grandkids.  Unless you have millions...then thats okay:)    Just take care of you...most important.

Nouce, a note for you as well as you wrote about enjoying the moment of fruit hitting your palete and dealing with your partner's need for care....it really is about the little things...and keeping going...from one little thing to another...isnt it?

I admire you and all the others who post and share...and help us all learn how to cope, what things might come up, and how to deal with the unknown.

Jimmie...you too....also OldBat, and anyone else I forgot...there is someone I forgot...the nickname off...darn...old age is not always that much fun.  If I forgot your handle...forgive me...but we are a few generous souls circled around a computer screen, reading each others notes, getting comfort and acknowlegement...and being missed if we disappear for a few days or weeks.

I havent been a regular writer either...seems like an overload on my plate this summer...but its not all bad...its good too.  Thanks for your understanding and wishing you all a good day...hugs
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