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Reply by NatR
20 Apr 2016, 5:29 PM

So good to hear your "voice" Xenia 
i think of you from time to time and was wondering how you were doing:)

spring is finally  reaching all the way up to northern Ontario - sunny days and occasional t shirt weather - but its good to have a jacket or sweater on hand for the chilly early mornings or strong winds!

i do hope the dryness out west doesnt continue - no desire to see or hear about forest fires - thinking of you and yours and please stay in touch

i started a few tomato plants in February when it was really cold and I needed hope for some spring weather
I now have several plants that are growing strongly and I see what I think are tiny flowers about to pop out!
i am an amateur gardener at best but this effort has been fun to watch
if I get real tomatoes I will let you know :)

best wishes to  all
yes Xenia it's encouraging to see that seniors plans and programs are in the works
we do need more home care and palliative care.

hugs and have a great week everyone 
NatR 🌷👍🏻☀️
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Reply by Jimmie
20 Apr 2016, 5:33 PM

Dear Xenia:

It is good to hear from you.  I have read about the fires in B.C.  and was concerned about their number and intensity so early in the season - a sign, perhaps, of things to come.

I was taken by your reference to maple walnut ice cream.  It's my favourite too.  I wasn't certain it was sold anywhere else.  It's hard to find in the local grocery stores. They tend to sell flavours like "Horse Hoofs and Pig Tails".  Your husband had good taste! The other flavour I like is butterscotch ripple.  There used to be a small ice cream parlour on the backroad to Tatamagouche (about an hours drive from where we live).  They sold the best ice cream and packed the scoops down deep into the cone so the treat lasted as long as your patience permitted. Thanks for reminding me of that pleasure.

Spring is arriving reluctantly down here - we had a snow storm last week.  The lobster boats are back in the water.  There are three small harbours along the shore here and I take Sarah for a tour of them every few days.  Setting day is May 1st.  When we first moved here, we lived right above the wharf in Ballantyne's Cove.  Early each morning, during the season, I would be awakened by the rumble and rough purr of the boats leaving the wharf. I miss that ritual.  I love being near the ocean and the smell of salt water.  It would be difficult to live away from it.

I appreciate your envy of seeing other couples "walking in the parks". Such moments are poignant ones, hard on the heart. It is a slow, meandering process this mourning -like a slow moving river bending back upon itself time and time again. We carry a life time of lives with us.

I hope you enjoy your upcoming wedding, Xenia, and I hope the hot weather subsides.  I am off now to spend the afernoon with Sarah.  I think I might take her for a drive around the Cape.  There is a lighthouse there on a lofty promontory.  You can see the hills of Cape Breton across St.George's Bay from that look off.  Perhaps I'll climb one of the scraggly spruce trees there and wave in your general direction - coast to coast. Our grandson, Ezra,would tell me to "stop being so silly".  But, I would tell him that "silliness" is another word for grace.

Take care =



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Reply by Nouce
20 Apr 2016, 5:40 PM

Xenia, Jimmie and all,

Silliness is another word for grace. Indeed. I'll be in Montreal for three weeks with a student group, next month. Then I'll wildly wave in all directions with affection and thanks for you all.

And in the meantime I will trust that the caregivers here will be wise and that P will not be totally disoriented because I'm not showing up every day.



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Reply by KathCull_admin
25 Apr 2016, 3:58 PM

Hello dear friends
I wanted to let you know (although you may have seen this on other threads as well) about a new support developed by the Canadian Virtual Hospice - mygrief.ca  I thought you might be interested in it.

Safe travels Nouce. I like Turtle ice cream Jim:).
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Reply by Xenia
17 May 2016, 5:05 PM

Greetings to All:

It has been a while since I was on line.  Missed sharing, however, many items have taken place here so I had to sit back and take them in and get on with living alone.

I didn't think that the summers would affect me as much as it has.  Since it is only spring I wondered why I was feeling somewhat depressed and out of sorts so I had to deal with my feelings and realize that I missed John very much and missed our togetherness in the summer, driving and going where ever.

Somehow I was under the impression that I could put everything behind me and start out with a positive outlook which I have but memories and being alone even when there are a lot of people around I had to take a good look at where I was heading and get myself on the right track and keep in touch with friends and family.  I could not keep pretending I was really okay.  I knew I was okay at different times since John passed and I accepted that but I could not accept the loneliness I felt this past few months.  

The hummingbirds brought back so many memories of John sitting in his easy chair watching them and calling me to watch the Ruffus hummingbirds.  He could sit and watch them and never utter a word as he was so intreged with them.

To counter this feeling of loneliness I began, once again, taking part in a couple of groups in the residence.  Took up playing the horses, a game they have, learned to play Pass the Ace, went back to knitting group and knitted baby bonnets for premie babies we send to the hospitals and got out more.  

I made friends with a wonderful lady who lives in in our residence and miss her very much as she had a TIA and is now in hospital.  I know I should not have been so shocked as so many of the residents are elderly, older than myself, and we hear they are in hospital or have passed away.  Brings back so many memories.  

I miss reading the messages on this site but have been faithful in reading the other messages and hope to get back on line more frequently.  Best wishes to all and wishes for a great summer.

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Reply by NatR
17 May 2016, 8:57 PM

Good to hear from you Xenia,

i am am glad you are coping despite the grieving and feeling of loss.  You are such a strong lady and your journey is helpful to us all to Learn how to  keep moving forward...and how to identify pitfalls.

you are in my thoughts often.  I know life will never be the same but I am glad it continues for you with new contacts abd groups.

it has to be helpful in filling the time....and I know you will keep going through changes and your updates will be appreciated by me for sure abd I know it will help others too.

memories help but also remind of the loss of your beloved John.  
I send you encouragement from afar and really am glad you posted us a message.
keep well and be good to yourself Xenia...
with hugs,

ps spring seems confused this year.  One day it's shorts ano sunshine and the next snow flurries.
we need lots of rain out west.  Been following the updates on forest fires and hoping things settle down

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Reply by Nouce
17 May 2016, 9:06 PM

Dear ones all,

It's good to hear from you. I've been thinking about Alberta too, since my cousin, from Sask., works in Fort McMurray. He wasn't there when the fires broke out.

I leave tomorrow with 10 students for three weeks in Quebec. It's cold and rainy here and it looks like that's what's happening there too. At least for a few days, my yard and garden look like someone is tending them. Who knows what they'll be llike when I get back.

Meantime, I'm going over to say good-bye to Pablo. This is sad, because he won't understand, and tomorrow he'll either say, "Where's N?" or "When is N coming back?" or maybe he won't notice.

May love surround you all,


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Reply by Jimmie
02 Jul 2016, 2:23 AM

Every Friday night I sleep over in the nursing home where my wife, Sarah, is now a resident.  She is asleep now in her bed and the various noises in the corridor outside our room have begun to subside.  An hour or so ago I was confused by the muffled explosions I could hear outside the building until I realized they were our town's Canada Day fireworks going off.  A strange world indeed to listen to the sounds of celebration with one ear, and the fading squeak of nomadic walkers with the other. 

The walls of Sarah's room are covered with photographs of our kids and grandkids and ourselves when we were considerably younger.  Some of the photos have begun to break free from their sticky tape manacles and look as if they might fly away or scrabble off like crabs on their stiffened corners were I to turn my back long enough to let them do so. Years from now what will they mean?

I am wondering about a lot of things tonight -  about where the life locked in those pictures has gone - like catching water in a net I have been told. And I am wondering about the lives I have met on this site and where you find yourselves upon this silent night.    

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Reply by frustrated
02 Jul 2016, 3:05 AM

Hi Jimmie,

It has been a year since my husband passed away. A lot has happened in this last year. I have sold our family house that we lived in for 30 years. Going thought all the stuff one accumulates, and dumping and sorting. And all the pictures, yes, I have a lot, form my ancestors or his and then all our families. I do wonder what they will all mean in a few years. It also has been disconserting to see ones life reduced to a stack of boxes. And I did reflect that all I had to show for my life was a stack of boxes, then my son-in-law reminded me that I had children and grandchildren to show for my life.

ANd so I am moving on. I had hoped to downsize to a condo or townhouse, but here in the West the houseing market has gone crazy and I haven't been able to find anything. So I am moving to a small cabin in the woods. It is quiet and peaceful there and I will hae good neighbors, it will just be so different, and a good 5 hours from my children and grandchildren. It is whre my husband and I were going to retire.

It will be an adjustment, a phase of my life. I will see how it all turns out. So here I am in an almost empty house on this Canada day, ready to take the next step.

Take care Jimmy, Youa nd Sarah will also live on thorugh your children and grand children.
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Reply by Nouce
03 Jul 2016, 10:29 PM

Dear friends,

Thanks, Jim, for your ever so thoughtful reflections. And, Frustrated, your perspective is welcome. Pablo's extended family always has a reunion on July 4, and this is the first time we're not going. I don't know he will notice this gap or the date, but at least we will have some ice cream, his family's treat. When we got married I heard about the reunion where you could eat all the ice cream you wanted!

Now he is entirely in the moment or the very long ago. I try to be with him either way, at the same time as I am trying out a bit of being just me. It's strange. I'm so grateful for your companionship.


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