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Reply by frustrated
17 Sep 2014, 8:38 PM

I must say that reading this chat thread is the highlight of my day. It always brings a smile. Jimmie you have such a way with words, I can almost har you speaking. And the "oldbats" let me know that I am not alone with my struggles. I am lucky in that I have kids and their spouses that are close and I do get hugs. But it isn't the same as that of a spouce. I do miss that and then when they go home, the loneliness and silence of the house is hard.

Thank you so much for sharing.
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Reply by Jimmie
17 Sep 2014, 8:39 PM

Just read a line in a book by Anne Lamott that you might find fitting:

"If you want to make God laugh, just tell Her your plans!"

Bout all I could come up with on an empty belly.  Might try again after I have my Wheaties.

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Reply by AdoptedSon
17 Sep 2014, 8:48 PM


God can't be a woman, if God was, the world wouldn't be such a mess


But blue is such a lovely color, how can you not enjoy it?  And is the TV plugged in?  Now all you need to make it perfect is to try and read on your kindle, and have the battery say it needs charging.


Silence is so deafening, good thing I crank up the music, when the computer works that is, right Oldbat?

Hugs to all 
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Reply by frustrated
18 Sep 2014, 4:29 PM

Sometimes I wonder if this will ever end. Then I feel guilty because I know how it will end and that scares me. Sometimes I wonder if I can keep this up day after day. Yesterday was a real down day. Trouble with the vehicle, mother-in-law not good at all, at least she is in a care center. Husband not doing well. It is all the little things that add up to drain me, not just some big crisis, but the everyday drain.

Everyone tells me I am strong, but I am tired of being strong. Sorry to be such a downer,  
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Reply by AdoptedSon
18 Sep 2014, 5:09 PM


I know that mantra well, be nice if they'd pitch in instead, least that was how I felt, and yes, it is the little things that simply zap one.  It never seems to end, then when it does, there is this huge void that feels like nothing can ever fill it.

There are no words to make it easier, we just hunker down, keep plodding forward, hoping for the best.  Sometimes it comes, but there are moments when you just wish it would happen faster, the good moments, that is.

Thing is, I think we fear what is to come, afraid that we won't be able to cope.  I know I feared it the most, lay awake countless nights, until that one morning, when the unknown became reality.

Somehow, it wasn't as scary, heartbreaking yes, but scary, no.  Crazy how our spirit, our inner strength, can overcome it all.

Take heart, because at least you are there, are doing your best, and that is what truly counts.

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Reply by oldbat
18 Sep 2014, 5:12 PM

Dear frustrated,

Are you  trying to do this alone, or do you have help from other family, friends or even our wonderful! social services?You are so right about, in essence, sailing through the  big crises - somehow the adrenalin always manages to kick in.  The problem is it's the nitty-gritty every day stuff that seems to really grind us down.  

Please understand that you are not alone.  I haven't met anyone on this board who isn't facing the same thing. And this is the perfect place to vent.  We all understand, empathize , sympathize and all that good stuff.  Sounds like you could use a lot of that, with two people to share your loving care.  Just ask!   You'll find us very responsive. And we all understand, all too well, that no-one can possibly be strong 24/7, 365 days a year.   So please don't beat yourslef up on that one.  Plan a treat for yourself instead!

And, speaking of treats, I'm sure you understand the importance of taking time for YOU.  Another of the big problems we all face.  Even if it's just an hour to watch the silliest tv show you can find. - that's an hour that you can breathe, relax and let go - and it's all yours.  I've become addicted to "The Voice" since Karl has been in the nursing home.  And I do mean addicted. My friends know not to call EVER when it's on. 

I'm planning on  starting a new thread shortly.  It will be called "Silly things that help us survive".  My bet is thet many of us do things now we wouldn't have dreamed of doing before care-giving.  Sometimes, though, even your own silly suvival tricks aren't enough - I'm planning on stealing some great ideas from everybody else here. When you're feeling up to it, please kick some ideas in.  I've always found that laughter breeds more laughter.  And, best of all, it's FREE!

Please let us know how you're doing.  We'll be thinking of you.

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Reply by Xenia
22 Sep 2014, 4:10 PM

Good Morning All:

Old bat aka. Old bag, yes, please do start a new link.  Silly things I do to survive.  What a title.  One of the silly things I do is baking, baking, why, someone needs muffins, oh I have some berries that need to be used up.  No one needs the baking, however, a number of my neighbours enjoy the baking and it keeps me busy.  Then there is the Legion Ladies Auxiliary they are wanting baking.  With each cup of butter I cream and add the eggs my mind is far away until I realize I have forgotten to put in the baking powder, my mind is half on the recipe and half somewhere else.  Now, I have cut back on baking and looking for my knitting needles as the vests I knit for the Aids babies in Africa are a no brainer and I can always rip out the errors and start again, not like the fallen cakes and muffins that come out hard as rocks since I forgot an ingredient.

It is raining and John is fast asleep.  Got up for breakfast and told me he thought he had had it last night.  I feel so bad for him as he has so many of these episodes and the nurse tells me he is going through another phase of his illness.

John's doctor came over Thursday night.  Spent an hour with myself and John.  Reviewing his meds and checking him out.  Feels John may last till Christmas but he has shattered many of the predictions.  His body wants to go but something is keeping him here.  

My daughter came to visit Friday nite and spent Saturday with me.  I had 3 hrs. respite so we did some shopping and visited the Casino.  Luck in love, but not lucky at the Casino.  Other daughter and son in law who live in our city came over with Tim's coffee and long John for John.   Dr. says he can have the sweets even if he is a diabetic as it is not as bad as the salt and John does love his long Johns. (Not underwear)

Not much else going on, took down our portable airconditioner and the living room looks liveble again.  Getting ready for the winter and moving out fans etc.

Take care and keep posting.  I miss you all and you bring so much cheer into my life.

Hugs to all

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Reply by moderator | modératrice
22 Sep 2014, 4:17 PM

Thank you OldBat for starting the great new thread:

Silly Things That Help Us Survive 

I look forward to seeing the list grow.

PS: You may have noticed that you haven't received the last 2 community updates. We ran into a technical glitch that is taking longer than anticipated to resolve. We will be sending out an update soon bringing you back up to speed on the new members, new threads and all activity.
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Reply by KathCull_admin
27 Sep 2014, 1:56 PM

Hello everyone, 
A new member, Dar posted thread I'm new to the site . Could those of you who are able respond to her?  She has had some real advocacy issues with her husband.

Thanks very much.




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Reply by oldbat
01 Oct 2014, 11:03 PM

Hi all,

Not replying to anything specifically, just want to vent a bit!  I am so ****ANGRY  The Ugly-Sisters-from-Hell have managed to help Karl lose a lot of his acquired speech.  How?  I was on vacation for a couple of weeks in August - they didn't call him or see him.  I've had bronchial pneumonia since I got back, over six weeks ago and have only managed to see him twice - contagious!  Nary a vist or call from theml  So now I'm having to go into hospital for something called "care giver burn-out" , and I could be there several weeks. Who'd have thunk it!!!!  Our goverment caring for my burn-out?  Well, it's certainly not that dead-eyed fish in Ottawa!  

OOps , sorry.  Off-topic!  Anyway, having seen and heard Karl struggle and cry with frustration over his speech - that he'd worked so hard on for THREE Years - I am beside myself.  Am not telling those *******s that I'm off to take care of me, but have called three sets of friends that I know will take up the slack in terms of calls and visits.  They've all commented that they had noticed the slippage - so why didn't someone call those (words fail me!) and TELL them.  Does no-one ever think things through.  AAAAAAARGh!

I have never seen anyone work so hard to achieve something as my husband.  His stroke reduced his speech to jabberwok.  When I left for Alaska in August, we had conversations, shared laughs and generally communicated well.  Sure he struggled a bit at times, normal with his degree of aphasia, but his bi-weekly sessions at the Aphasia Institute, where I believe they specialize in miracles, and his solo along with our joint practices and many, many daily phone chats certainly got him up and running.  And he was so proud.

I'm heart-broken and so ANGRY at those thoughtless, heartless, cruel *****s, his daughters.  Yes, I know he can get what he lost back again, but WHY SHOULD HE HAVE TO!!! 

There are two family birthdays coming up.  I've bought gifts, but I am NOT going to parties.  I might get asked to cut a cake and - just imagine - the knife could slip - oh No! 

Xenia, maybe we'd better get back to the Oldbag moniker - or even OldB&&&&&!!!

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