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Reply by AdoptedSon
02 Oct 2014, 12:43 AM

Nah don't let the knife slip, but instead exchange the gifts for something more appropriate to their behavior.  Maybe an all day lollipop?  Or a gift certificate to a weight loss spa, not saying but hey, let them think what they want, right?

It is bad enough when strangers that are supposed to help, fail but when its family, it feels like a total betrayal, but alas, we can only choose our friends, not our family.   I am still waiting for my cousins to phone with their sympathy for Mom's passing, last November.  Good thing I ain't holding my breath, I'd be blue now, though with the change in weather, I am close to that, but eh, its what it is.

And vent away, it's good for the circulation.

Cheers
Ian 
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Reply by oldbat
02 Oct 2014, 1:23 AM

Hi AdoptedSon,

I'm so glad you got back to me.  Thank you very much.  I'm thinking I'll stay with the knife - and add the weight spa certificate - they could certainly both use both!  And, come to think of it, their current avoirdupois makes them a much better target for the knife LOL!

Don't know what set me off tonight.  I've been dealing with this from the moment Karl had his stroke three years ago.  I guess the thought of his despair when he faces more weeks without me - and more speech loss.  Hopefully the friends I contacted will help a bit, even though I didn't fill them in.  Couldn't!  My life wouldn't be worth living!

I am so sorry for, not only the loss of your Mother, but also the unkind behaviour your cousins.  Is this par for the course?  Or did it come as a shock?

I have found that friends are not that great either,  Emotional overload sets in, and they run out of things to say.  I do too.  But then being a full-time, solo care-giver does not make one a very entertaining companion.

Oldbat - resorting to the solace of chocolate!  (Maybe I'll keep one of those certificates for me!)
 
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Reply by AdoptedSon
02 Oct 2014, 1:37 AM

To be honest, not really much of a shock.  So I just chalk it up to them being them.  Now chocolate is a good soothing medicine, one highly recommended by my other half, though he often forgets to share with me.  But I found his stash unbeknown to him.   And that helps make for an entertaining few moments or two.

Even a little bit of help, is better than none, which is why you need to take the time away, to recover your energy and wit.  Care giving is indeed a consuming mistress, master, but heck, one can sometimes turn the table on it, by an extra big piece of chocolate.

Keep slugging away, even if nothing happens, its good exercise for the arms, which helps in reaching for that last piece of chocolate, or wrestling out of someone else's hand.  After all, you did see it first, didn't you?

hugs 
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Reply by oldbat
02 Oct 2014, 2:24 AM

You're good, A S.  More chuckles from O.B.!

oldbat 
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Reply by Xenia
02 Oct 2014, 8:35 PM

Greetings to all:

My how this message board has grown.  Been busy with John since he got very ill last week.  Once again this week as well but he seems to be more comfortable.  Have been reading messages and find comfort in all of them.

Daughters have been on me to get out and get some rest away from home so I went out with our son yesterday and met up with a couple of friends for dinner.  Good visit but the food was not so hot but did enjoy their company so didn;t complain to the server as she looked like she needed some compassion working such a busy place.

Bought some black licorice, my indulgence to-day.  Chocolate is great but I didn;t see it so bought the licorice.  Have to keep it away from John...not that he would eat it, love to eat the licorice all sorts but they are bad for persons with heart problems.  It causes the heart to beat faster, etc. Should be a warning on them like warnings on cigarettes....also chocolate.  lol.  Chocolate tastes great but.....?

Not much else going on here so I will say adieu and get some rest.

Take care.

Xenia

 
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Reply by Nouce
05 Oct 2014, 7:01 PM

Glad to listen in. My family frustrations also mount. Not that they don't show up, but that they are constantly in our space, which is  complicated since our house is where I am caregiving--so it doesn't make for good entertaining. Visiting and caregiving are two different things--how do you convey that?  Meantime, my partner continues a slow and jerky decline, and the requirements for constant watchfulness increase.

Chocolate? Absolutely. A  glass of wine from time to time too.

Nouce

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Reply by AdoptedSon
06 Oct 2014, 3:44 AM

At the risk of getting shot, at best, drawn and quartered most likely, I will say that sometimes, visiting is better than chocolate, even with a nice full bodied glass of Merlot as a chaser.

Yes it is different, but it also a chance to take a breath, to just let the constant worry take a momentary backseat.  Oh I would wish to have had a few more 'visits' than what I did have, from friends and family, because it was a chance to not be worrying, to not be arguing with idiots on the phone as to why the worker was supposed to arrive at 9am, not 11am, and all that went with being the caregiver.

When our friend from Florida came to visit, for a lovely 6 weeks, it was like having a break every blessed day, and somehow it never did intrude. Nor did it alter the care, but it was someone I could vent to, to use as a safety valve.  It was good, and I miss those moments, and him too.  

I know that the constant 'on duty' sign flashing grows tiresome, and as 'that time' draws near, it seems to get brighter, more intense, which is why those 'visits' can help.  It is a break, and you know, if it is inconvenient, not the right time, then say so.  Being blunt is often all one can do, and if they are good friends, or understanding family, they won't take offence, and if they do find it rude, offensive, well, tough for them. You are the one who is on the firing line, so they can just lump it.  But first, make sure to collect any chocolate or vino that they may bring.

Just make sure they don't take the corkscrew on the way out.
 
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Reply by oldbat
06 Oct 2014, 3:56 AM

And above all Nouce, don't share!  Just add the goodies they bring to your secret stash, and set a time limit on their visit.  A good, loud alarm clock would help!

oldbat 
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Reply by oldbat
06 Oct 2014, 8:09 PM

Hi all,

Just a quick note:  going in to hospital on Wednesday.  I could be gone for several weeks, but I'll probably get out from time to time to keep in touch.  Have to tell Karl, he's aware it was going to happen, but I think he hoped it wouldn't!  Me too!   

I've made it clear that I have to be allowed my cell phone in there - cannot be out of contact with Karl.  The doctors are not the problem, the nurses can be.  But I've let it be known that, if someone tries to take it away, I'll leave!  Still advocating. 

Not happy about this, but maybe it will help.

Hugs to all my "peeps"! LOL

oldbat 
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Reply by Nouce
06 Oct 2014, 8:14 PM

Sending much warm energy your way! Make them take care of you properly.

Nouce

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