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Reply by oldbat
06 Oct 2014, 8:23 PM

Thanks so much Nouce.
 sad oldbat! 
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Reply by KathCull_admin
09 Oct 2014, 3:10 AM

I found this picture on the Hospice Palliative Care Manitoba Facebook page.  It seems to 'fit' with what has been described on this thread and others.

Caregiver Brain

I wish for a restful night for all you amazing caregivers.
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Reply by Nouce
09 Oct 2014, 12:28 PM

That's it. Amazing.


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Reply by Xenia
09 Oct 2014, 3:50 PM

Good Morning All:

How appropriate your message, Katherine.  I have just finished doing my husband's bathroom and our bedroom and started thinking of the jobs I have done since I awoke this am.  

If I was paid for all the little jobs, cook-nutritionis - John is diabetic, doctor - assessing how much insulin he needs this a.m. and his food intake, pharmacist - does he need more morphone for breakthrough pain and are the new pills he has been taking causing him to be nausaues.  Housekeeping aide - strip his bed and change all linens, look to the dresser and check all this meds in the basket we use in the a.m. and p.m.  The day ones are on the sideboard by the dining room table, ocd I have as I am now looking at the counters and floor and toilets in the bathroom, yes, housekeeping sets in again, laundry is next - John prespires a lot - I called it sweat however my French teacher from years ago - gently but firmly told me "Horses sweat - people prespire"  guess I am turning into a horsey woman as I sweat alot when I am doing all these things.  Empty baskets and wipe down the door knobs, etc.  And now I am going to vaccum as there is a lot of dust bunnies floating under the beds.

That is the beginning of my day.  Don't do this every day but close to it and it is a good thing, Martha Stewart watch out, I went to the pool for arthrosize in the H2o, felt great and it is a carry over to this morning.  Helped me sleep as well.

John is about the same having more breakthrough pain and we carry on with drs' instructions and hope for the best.  Thanksgiving will be minimal this year.  Kids are working or it is their inlaws' turn for their prescence and so we will have a light lunch with the kids that arrive bringing lunch.  John is not eating much so it is difficult to make meals for 1 and 1/2 people.  Try as I might I still overcook.  Learning slowly to cut down on all things.

The sun is starting to creep through the morning fog so it looks like the beginning of a great day.  Doesn't feel like fall as it has been so warm here in B.C.  Better enjoy it before the rains of winter hit us.

Take care and I am now going into my Housekeeping mode and vaccum the floors.

Hugs to all.

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Reply by frustrated
12 Oct 2014, 10:28 AM

It is all the little things that keep us going, but also pull us down. Husbnad has been in the hospital for a week, Fourth visit in six months. He got a pass to come home for Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. We have been having regular family dinners since his illness. I was holding his had as he said Grace. I had to turn and leave as soon as he finished. I couldn't hold the tears back. I usually can keep it together when everyone is there. Only one daughter noticed and gave me a few minutes then came to find me and give me a hug.

The hard part was that he found all the usual noise( and they were really unusually quiet) was to much for him and had to go in and ly down to get away. He has always enjoyed having everyone over and all the noise. He is just getting so frail.

So it was a good day and a sad day.
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Reply by Xenia
12 Oct 2014, 4:46 PM

Good Morning All and Happy Thanksgiving:

Yes, Frustrated, it most certainly is the small things that bring us happiness and sadness all rolled into one ball.

We had the family over yesterday, since John has a difficult time with all the noise and extra people we had a brunch, Italian style, lots of meats, breads and cheeses, etc.  We are not Italian but felt this was the best way to have everyone together and not worry about Turkey and the trimmings, besides, families go to the other side of the inlaws, etc.

John enjoyed the company but was very tired, went to bed right after lunch and slept for hours.  I had to attend to him after the family left as he was quite ill but he seems to be better this morning.  Had some cream of wheat as he didn;t have dinner last nite, only a diabetic Ensure.

We used to have so many dinners, etc, now I am exhausted after the visit of the family.  Lots of noise, laughter, movement and I can imagine how this affects John and those who are ill.  Quiet times one or two visits at a time seem to be the best for him and we try to limit the length of time for the visits as he has hearing problems even though he wears two hearing aides and his eye sight is very bad.

I share your good day - sad day and wish you better days coming up.

Take care.

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Reply by Nouce
12 Oct 2014, 5:02 PM

Happy Thanksgiving to you all. We still have a month to go down here. But I certainly understand the challenge and frustration--as well as the gift--of family gatherings and visits. Right now I'mm in a very tense situation with two step-daughters because I need at least some weekends when I don't have people here, so I can re-group, give my partner a time to rest and catch up. They do need to be with him, but their visits are exhausting  to us both. How to find the middle way? And keep myself sane? In any case, I hope you all find some gentlenness and goodness in your Thanksgiving.


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Reply by Jimmie
12 Oct 2014, 8:13 PM

I have just come back from a drive down to the Canso Causeway, the thin mad-made strip of land that connects Cape Breton to the rest of Nova Scotia (and Canada!).  There's a restaurant there that sits on a spit of land projecting out into the waters of the Northumberland Starit. I took my wife there for a Thnaksgiving dinner. It's "blowin' a gale" down/up here today, and the seas were very rough crashing against the rock buttressed causeway with heavy salt spray that went from one side of the causeway, up and over the cars crossing on it, and into the waters of the Atlantic on the other side. 

The cooks at the restaurant were very helpful.  They graciously pureed the traditional meal so that my wife could manage to eat it. To top it off, the waitress, surreptiously slipped us an extra slice of cheese cake (my wife's favourite dessert) as we left.  It was a good afternoon.  She is now in bed, a bit tired from the day - quiet, subdued, somewhat withdrawn. It's difficult to know what she's thinking or feeling at such times.

I am writing, I think, just to say hello.  Some days are just like that.  The best we can do is to lift our heads and hands and wave hello to each other - words of wisdom having abandoned us.

I appreciate the need for quiet.  I appreciate as well the need for the consolation of companionship.  I have a few friends who understand, - who are comfrotable just sitting with me - resting, who let me "be" and are not anxious to have me otherwise. I wish you all the same.

 The best I can offer you by way of comfort is to tell you that the sea was rough today, rough but lovely, and to tell you that I watched a large single masted sail boat make its way laboriously through those roiling seas to the safety of the sheltered cove much to the relief of us on shore and I suspect to its crew as well.  May you each find such a cove in the company of friends who care for you, a place to rest in safety, a place to lay down your burdens if only for a moment or two before heading back to sea. 

Take care, my friends.


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Reply by NatR
13 Oct 2014, 3:26 PM

Hello to each reader and Happy Thanksgiving to all.
reading your notes I understand how things are for the caree, the caregiver and the family and friends on the fridge - all doing their best to make an adjusted "special occasion" so that it's comfortable

it is almost impossible to make it perfect for each person and their limits or burdens / but everyone does try.

sending you all best wishes
jimmy thanks for sharing about you and your wife dining by the ocean waves

i used to live on Vancouver island and loved to see a stormy sea and the waves rolling in
thanks for the visual into each of your lives
hugs to all;)
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Reply by KathCull_admin
16 Oct 2014, 6:49 PM

Hello everyone,
Thank you for sharing your Thanksgiving day and thoughts through the written word. 

Xenia I really appreciate that you take the time to write about your day and how you and John are doing.  I can hear how full your days are and how tired you must get - emotionally and physically.

My first job was on the west coast of Newfoundland and the sea has been a place of wonder for me since then. Thinking about it here in the middle of the prairies with nary an ocean in site – a picture that comes to mind is of waves and whitecaps and to finish off with another 'w' - the wildness of the sea.  I hope your seas are all calm today.

On another Thanksgiving note, I wanted to let you know about a new thread started by Colleen I never thought I'd be thankful for

Take care all

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