Dear Tracie,

We all are in need of love and understanding. Our wounds will take time to heal in our own unique way. HOPE is what helps to have a DREAM again. We just have to take the scary baby steps to try. My late husband made me promise I would go on loving, because he said, I had so much to give. This promise making went on for a week. I said NO, I was going to become a Nun, I wasn't going to have another relationship, grow old with my parents, or just die. He persisted a whole week to make me promise. Thru sorrow, anger and tears I went thru a process and in the end made the promise.

Moving out of our home was a very scary babystep, but worth it. I felt a loss and yet a new start in life. I've had to do a lot of the things my late husband would do and consider them as achievements in my journey.

The sun always comes up each morning. The stars shine bright a night. My love for him is still in my heart. And I can dream again :)

Hugs,

Bev

Hello Everyone

I understand what you are relating to me , being a widow is a learning curve.  After over 40 years, you suddenly have a lifestyle change.  Everyone assumes you have moved on, but until you walk in someone’s grieving path, you can’t assume to understand.  Everyone’s path is also different from your own.  It does take time, and I guess I get very impatient and want life to change automatically. 

Also, the passing of my brother-in-law , I think triggered  all the grief I have been going through.  My sister’s situation is also different from mine.  She still has children at home and works daily.  These things help somewhat, instead of being alone on a daily basis.  Not only did I lose my husband, but my way of life as it was. 

When I sit down and analyze what I have accomplished in the last two years, I have come a long way, being able to maintain the house and everything  that  goes with it.   At times I feel stuck in the moment and wonder which direction I am headed in. 

As I think back, I am fighting change.  We get to be creatures of habit and that seems to be what I have been reluctant to do is change.  I want everything to be like it was, and of course, that’s when I get upset!  Like you said, baby steps.  Unfortunately, selling my house doesn’t seem to be a baby step but a big leap!  And maybe I’m not ready for that!  They say that you will know when it’s time!  And maybe that’s true. 

You are right, live in the moment and one day at a time! 

Regards, Jane

Hello Everyone 

It has been some months since I posted, but wanted to wish everyone a Happy Holiday and the best of the New Year.

I have had an interesting year and the most difficult year.  I lost my husband on April 1 2012.   The first year you are occupied by putting all your ducks in a row.  Making sure everything gets taken care of and the year passes quickly.  The second year slows down and I found myself very lost at times.  I had to resort to an anxiety drug.  I fought to take it but it has helped me put my life back together.  No matter how busy I kept myself, grief would rear its ugly head and attack.  Now I have gone through the third year and I am finally at peace with my thoughts.  The picture of my husband dying is fading, yet will always be there.  It just doesn't hurt the same way.  Time is healing, and you think it never will, but it does.  I think happier thoughts that we shared and find myself smiling more and more each day.  

My son moved to California this year which was upsetting at first.  I spent a few months in the fall there helping them move and am going  back after Christmas.  So things work in mysterious ways!  It has been something to look forward to and I can also scratch flying along off my bucket list.  I am quite happy to leave the snow blowing behind for a few months. 

I am still in my house at the lake, hoping to stay for a few more years so my grandchildren can enjoy the summers as they grow. 

I can't stress how this hospice has helped me through my grief.  To put your thoughts to paper is therapeutic for me and hope others find their way through this web site.

I wish everyone peace and joy this holiday season.

Regards, Jane
 

Hello,
Looking at your posts, you have all come through a lot - and I would never want to assume you are not still 'going through' things. As Tracy said I hope there was beauty in your Christmas season.

One of our members, Dar 64 posted early this morning to Devasted!!!. Her husband died December 18 - so she and her family had their first Christmas and now a new year with loss and grief. 

Could I ask you to consider posting to her thread. 

With much warmth.
Katherine 

“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” e.e. cummings