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Reply by NatR

04 Feb 2014, 7:47 PM

Hi everyone, especially Carolync, how goes your day?

i find I meet a lot of people who are dealing with the aloneness - a very hard part of loss and grief.

i was interested to read the quote you mentioned Katherine, I agree grief takes as long as it takes. Sadly some people never do get over their losses, but I firmly believe that being able to voice that loss and loneliness helps:). So I encourage everyone to share their burdens and in turn, talk to someone else who is coming up behind you.

this all happens in it's own time....just encouraging, not passing out rules;). I just see that for each of us who deals with feelings every day...that there are others as well. Sharing burdens is better than carrying them alone.

sometimes we write once, then We get scared to share any more because we maybe feel it's piddly or maybe it's not important enough....or that no one cares,,,and that's very far from the truth.

sometimes there are big gaps between notes...but people wrote again, and I think that it's important to feel Safe, Reassured, and Heard.

as we all have jobs, lives, grief, responsibilities it's true there are periods of time when one of us is quiet for a few days...but then. We (me!) surface and write a bunch of responses. But the great thing about the forum is that Someone hears, Someone responds, Someone cares.

I ferl honoured that you all share your burdens with us - first as strangers, then, as each note is read - we understand a bit more...and it's all helpful...at least for me.

life isn't for the Faint of a Heart - I have heard that for many years...and it's true!

thanks for reading, thanks for being out there..
hugs to all readers;)
NatR

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Reply by Phoebe

04 Feb 2014, 11:30 PM

Hi Carolyn, I can certainly identify with you. I lost my husband jan 1 of this year. I can't believe he is gone. It does not seem real, and I have no idea what to do now. I also feel like this is a bad dream I can't wake up from. My husband was diagnosed in mid october and he died jan 1. I also have a dog we got her in september as a puppy she also has kept me going I know I have to get dressed and walk her she gets me up and out. She is company now. My friends have got on with there lives, I think people avoid you because they don't know what to say. I have grown daughters but they have families of there own. One daughter stayed with me for three weeks but has gone back home to australia.

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Reply by KathCull_admin

22 Feb 2014, 2:17 AM

Hello everyone,
It's quiet in our house - even our little dog is taking a nap! Dogs have a way of comforting and just being there don't they. Our lovely Yorkie Lola Mai really adds to our family.

At a hospital in our community - like many others I am sure - there is a dog volunteer. The dog looks like a Chow mix - medium sized. He wears a tag that says 'volunteer'. He/she (not sure of gender but I will call it him) sits on a raised chair near the entrance of the hospital beside the owner and volunteer is what that dog does. I am fascinated to see how people respond to him. People of all ages, abilities, visitors and patients take a few minutes to pet and talk to him and the owner and you can almost see the stress fall off their shoulders - at least for a few minutes. eKIM started a thread Coping With Stress - One Person's Viewpoint and in part he talks about how dogs can sense a 'hurtin soul'.

I wonder what is that - how do they know?
Take care
Katherine

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Reply by marstin

23 Feb 2014, 7:55 PM

Hi Katherine,

As I'm reading this, the snow is flying here on the coast of BC and my loyal puppy dog is laying with a watchful eye on me. We got her as a pup 3 1/2 years ago and what a miracle she has been. She was nicknamed the 'therapy dog' early on as so many people who passed through our home were in need of comfort in one way of another and she stood quietly and demanded that they pet her. You could almost see the stress disappear in these people. She's a strange creature who wants her paws massaged at every opportunity and she spends so much time sniffing our eyes too. She suffered greatly when Len left us and yet we knew that she could see him because she would play with him in the middle of the night and wake us up. She'd wag her tail like crazy and run back and forth and around in circle's with a smile on her face. I think like babies they do not fear what they don't understand and see what we do not see. When we are sad she snuggles in close and gives kisses when needed. She's a bright light on a gloomy day.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by KathCull_admin

27 Feb 2014, 4:13 AM

What a nice picture Tracie! I too am amazed at the ability of Lola Mai to 'feel' sadness in family members and to comfort. I laugh and say she is our child that will never grow up - but I wouldn't change it for the world.
Take care
Katherine

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Reply by Carolync

27 Feb 2014, 4:46 PM

Thanks for your kind words, it helps so much to talk to those that understand. The lonliness and sadness I feel overwhelms....Phoebe, I absolutely agree that even our friends dont understand the constant thoughts in our minds, the sadness in our hearts and longing for just one more day with our loved one(s).

Let's please keep the conversation together, as Im sure there are ways we can help each other. :(

Carolyn

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Reply by KathCull_admin

02 Mar 2014, 3:29 AM

Hello everyone, You are so right Carolyn, kind words and a listening ear can help ease the burden of grief. It's quite amazing when you think of it - people you may never meet in person become those who can understand your grief and pain in ways that those who live right next door to you are not able to. This is quite a remarkable virtual community.

Cathie, I know you were going back to a difficult work situation just over a month ago and it sounds like your employers were not able to offer you kind words or support. How have the last few weeks been at work and home? Please keep in touch as you are able to.

Thinking of you
Katherine

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Reply by Phoebe

03 Mar 2014, 10:28 PM

Hi Carolyn was wondering how you are doing
. I have had a rough couple of days. It is so hard to go out in this freezing cold weather we have here. I feel trapped in the house and I am just getting tired. Thinking about taking a trip somewhere warm even though I can't really afford it. I was wondering how you are coping. Sometimes I think ok I will get through this and the next day is so hard I don't think I'll get through the day.
I want you to know I do wonder how you are doing. It is nice to share with someone who is going through the same thing .

phobee

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Reply by moderator | modératrice

12 Mar 2014, 12:40 PM

Hi Carolyn and Phoebe,

I was thinking about both of you today. It seems like most of the country had beautiful warm weather yesterday and now we're getting more snow here in Ontario at least. But Jenn's pictures here keep me hopeful the spring will come.

How are you both doing.
Colleen

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Reply by JennJilks

12 Mar 2014, 12:51 PM

I was sent a book by a publicist, in order to review it. It is fabulous. Mindfulness for Prolonged Grief; a guide to healing after loss when depression, anxiety, and anger won't go away.

It makes so much sense to me. While my mother died 6 weeks after I moved to care for her, the trauma I experienced caring for my late father led to many symptoms of PTSD. Seriously. Some cannot forgive themselves, or cannot get over their grief. For me, I spent hours wondering if I did enough, made the right decisions.

Jenn

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