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Reply by moderator | modératrice
18 Apr 2012, 6:38 PM

Dear Lisa48,

I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. Thank you for posting your question to the community. Thanks NatR and VHcath for responding so quickly. I agree with NatR and VHcath's suggestions to connect with your Dad’s doctor and visiting nurses to ask for their help.
Our clinical team has written several resources that you may find helpful in our Topics and Asked & Answered sections. You may want to start with these 2:
Please stay in touch and let us know how you are doing. 
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Reply by Cath1
28 Apr 2012, 5:30 PM

Hi Lisa48"

Lisa, how is your Dad doing since you last wrote? And how are you dealing with everything? I know you were upset with the way your Dad was unable to tolerate his food and about his discomfort when being moved. I hope you were able to get your concerns addressed with your Dad's healthcare team for his benefit and yours. As well, I hope that the links Colleen provided to you were helpful. 

For me, wondering what's going on is the worst. If you have more questions, please feel welcome to pose them here. Remember that you are learning as you go along in your caregiver and support role and you are not expected to know what to do in every situation.  

I'm thinking of you and your family, Lisa, and caring about how you are.

Hugs xo

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Reply by lisa48
02 May 2012, 10:32 PM

Hi everyone

I just wanted to let everyone know my Dad passed away April 22nd.  It has been a sad and hectic week, especially since they were 3 hours away.  I have been back and forth there about 8 times, so I am very tired. 

Thank you everyone for the support and caring replies.

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Reply by NatR
02 May 2012, 11:46 PM

Lisa , 

Please accept my sympathies - I am sure you are exhausted.  It is going to take much time for u to digest all of this  _ and especially the emptiness now that your dad is gone

I hope you will be able to find comfort in the fact he no longer suffers .  I also hope you will take care of yourself, you need time to heal and recover.

My thoughts are with you.
Sincerely, NatR 
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Reply by Cath1
03 May 2012, 1:08 AM

Dear Lisa:

Your news about your Dad having passed away saddens me for you, your Mom and your family. Your Dad was so very fortunate to have you all love him and care for and about him so devotedly through to the end. Your love and compassion go with him.

I empathize with how tired you're feeling, Lisa. I hope you take lots of time to rest and recover as you reflect on your Dad's life and his love for you. I know it is a very emotional time and it's very thoughtful of you to have taken the time to let us know what happened.

Lisa, please feel welcome to stay in touch with us as you grieve, and as your heart begins to heal. We are here for you if and when you need someone to listen.

Hugs to you and your family xo


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Reply by moderator | modératrice
03 May 2012, 5:18 PM

Hi Lisa,

I add my condolences to those from other members of the Virtual Hospice community. Take care of yourself and be rest assured that we are here should you want to talk. 
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Reply by NatR
24 May 2012, 1:59 PM

Hello Lisa48

Just wanted to ask how you are doing.  

You are being thought of and I just wanted to let you know that.

Hoping that this week is a good one for you


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Reply by Sheil
02 Jan 2018, 3:12 AM


My motherin law was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in june 2016. Being 81, she decuided not to have chemo or radiation.  Her younger brother and sister were sufferinv from the after effects of chemo so we realised that if drs said she only has a few months, let her go peacefully. 

We are juicers so we found a program for her and she showed positive results. All her swelling went and she became more active. Since then she had 3 episodes of blockage and drs put in a stent each time. Now they say they may have to put a bag next time.

All her family came to visit over 4 months. Each had  theories of how to cure and care for her. I continued to care. Drs are stunned that she has survived so long. 

Now she is VERY weak. She sleeps in our open living room. I towel bath her. I make smoothies for her. My husband is also very sick with a chronic illness so i care for him. He is jobless for 5 years. I work part time. My two kids are clocking up OSAP for their university studies. One is applyi g for september. My son is in grade 6.

What i need to know is how long might she have like this and how much more do i need to do. I feel exhausted and overburdened.

We have a nurse who tells me to consider a hospice but family want me to take her to the end.

I feel like i may die frst. When she has her ensure which is 90% of her nutrition, she looks like she could have another year! She wants to go now. Shes just skin n bones. 
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Reply by NatR
02 Jan 2018, 3:28 AM

Dear Sheil,

i am so so sorry to read about your mom and her diagnosis.  I must commend you on your approach and your efforts in giving your mom all of the best care, nutrition and comfort

I realize you have already given much of your own energy in the past 6 months of the majority of caregiving

I don’t know what part of the country you live in - but do contact community care through your dr office or another source they may suggest 

I am sure you are eligible for some hours of care that will give you a break and some much needed support.

there is no way to know for sure how long your mom has and as much as you want to care for her yourself - you need respite before exhaustion sets in 

please let let us know how you make out
you May also wish to find out if there are any other volunteers( in your community) who are prepared to sit with your mom ( it’s a very difficult thing for people to do hospice or palliative care - but it’s invaluable for your mom to have this support )

other members of this message board will tell you the same thing - be kind to yourself as well as your mom - and I hope my reply  will prove to help you make the connections you need 

feel free to drop messages when when you need to - it’s a form of journaling that also helps ... just to know you can vent or express your fears or concerns 

i am sending you a virtual hug and admiration for your determination to do the best for your mom 
Be well, be good to yourself 
NatR ❤️

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