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Reply by marstin
05 Jul 2014, 6:35 PM

Hi Melinda,

Happy belated Birthday/Anniversary! My Birthday was last Sunday and my daughters spoiled me big time. How incredibly thoughtful of Stan to buy you a rubv ring and tell you how much you mean to him. I'm sure it makes everything you've been going through seem so worth it to actually have him say that out loud.

One more week until we leave for the cabin. I am so mentally exhausted and after a run in with a relative that I trusted to always have my back, I am so done with my family members. I read something on facebook that told the story of grief and says 'You'll never understand until you walk in my shoes...not just follow them'. How true that is and I feel like sending it to all who sit back and judge my situation yet do nothing to give me any support. That's my rant for the day. Lol! Although 2 years may seem like a long time to many, it isn't to those who've suffered the losses.

Stan is sure a fighter. Good for him. Truthfully I would guess that he is freaking out inside but wants to put on the face of bravery. I think he makes excuses for what the scan shows because he is afraid to admit how quickly things are advancing. Len did well with his pain meds for awhile until he was in so much pain and overdid it and ended up back in the hospital. We used plastic backed pads on the bed for leakages of many sorts and just threw them in the wash when they were soiled. They worked really well. Looks like you've got that end of things covered so that you can save the mattress.

It's good that you don't have as much pressure on you to be working full time and caring for Stan. I'm sure it makes it easier to focus on him as things progress. That's a full time job in itself. I remember trying to navigate between looking after Len and running up to my Mom's in between doses of medication to take her to appointments and out to pick up fresh bread every two days, or her weekly hair appointment. Strangely enough, I miss doing those things.

Getting a new bike sounds like fun. You might get on it and forget to go home because it feels so nice to have the wind in your hair. Lol! It will be great to be able to relieve some of the stress by riding.

Never feel that you are talking to much. I love hearing from you.

Hope you are having a day filled with sunshine.

Hugs,
Tracie
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Reply by Melinda
05 Jul 2014, 11:11 PM

Well a belated Happy Birthday to you too!! Aren't daughters wonderful. Mine brought pizza and a birthday cake yesterday. We had such a good evening with everyone just chatting and having a good visit. Stan would not eat and slept most of the time. He is so hard to understand now, so he does not like being around a crowd...but everyone understood.
Well I am so fortunate to have "mostly" wonderful relatives, unlike you. But I am full of little words of wisdom..lol! "What goes around, comes around!" Don't let them get to you...you're never going to change them or their attitude. I just avoid people like that. Stan's sister is a piece of work. I don't even bother talking to her...she is nothing to me. Control freaks!!
Spent most of the day outside...mind you cleaning windows and siding..but feeling I accomplished something. Stan did an odd thing today. He asked me for one of my anti-depressant pills. I explained it would not work like that..it would take a couple of weeks for the effect. Wish I had just given him the darned pill...he went and bought a mickey of rye and is downstairs sipping at it. So I have to agree with you...he is being bothered by what is going on with him... rosy glasses are slipping a bit. He has not drank rye in months, but continually sips on beer 24 hours a day. So I am hoping he just falls asleep. He will be sick tomorrow..oh well. Tuesday we are going to see the family Doctor and look at all the medications Stan is taking. Perhaps change some and increase others. And perhaps its time he did start an antidepressant... Melinda

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Reply by marstin
06 Jul 2014, 12:39 AM

Well thank you! Yes, daughters are wonderful although these days for some reason we all seem to be falling apart in this household. I wonder if we're all finally feeling the full effects of how life has changed and can't seem to cope. I made the mistake of sharing this information with my family member (I can hear Len and my Mom saying being careful what you tell her) and she used it against me with my youngest. She deserted the girls and I about a year and a half ago then swooped in recently ( after I had the meltdown over coffee with her) and tried to convince the youngest that it was time to leave home and that I would have to accept it and let go. Well it's a long story and much more complicated than that but I was furious that she went and stabbed me in the back. Things blew up in her face (not my doing) and now she's mad at me?! Anyway, my family has not been very kind the past 2 years and left us to deal with everything on our own while they sat back and watched us suffer and judged everything I did. I do have a half sister that reconnected with me after my Mom passed and we email back and forth all of the time and she's been great. That's my wonderful 'family' life. Lol!

It does sound like it's time for Stan to be on antidepressants. How sad that he is struggling so much. Has he always been the type to hold things in like it appears he is? It's hard to imagine what goes on in the mind of a person who is teminal but it must be so difficult. It's good that he has a doctor's appointment on Tuesday and maybe they will give him something to help him but for sure you will have to take the pills hostage and hidden away from him. Len's medications seemed to keep him from getting overwhelmed except when the witch doctor came to our house and felt the need to impress on him that he would soon would be gone. That's when he blew up at her, then went to bed and never got up again. Thank goodness that Stan's doctors tend to have a lot more compassion than to do things like that.

I wish I could force myself to get some of the hundreds of things done here that I have to do. I have lost my mojo and can't seem to move forward on anything. I'm really hoping that this trip away will help me get back on track. Maybe I'll come back and tackle the yard,the house, and my windows too. Lol!

Hugs,
Tracie
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Reply by Melinda
15 Jul 2014, 3:03 AM

hi Tracie..its late and we just got back from spending the evening at the emergency.
Stan started bleeding badly (scared the hell out of us) and I called 911...bless their hearts they were here in 10 minutes. I followed them to the hospital...his bleeding had stopped by then. I called my daughter (remember she is a nurse) and she talked to the admitting Doctor. Turns out he has worked with my daughter at her hospital and knew her. How cool was that.
So she gave him all the information and I had the DNR with me. They just gave him two units of fluid..and kept an eye on him. I brought him home with me around 10 pm. He is comfortable in the basement and I am going to bed..and probably sleep. Its all in God's hands now. I am so amazed at how cool and calm I was. Usually I would be not able to function...must be all the thinking and preparing...my daughter advised me to make up a small kit with Doctor reports and medications, etc...to hand to the paramedics next time they are called..and a copy of the DNR...and a written note about comfort measures only. Good idea.  And Stan's rose coloured glasses are still firmly clamped on his face!! He thinks he will be okay and live another 10 years. Bless his heart...okay really tired..just wanted to let you know what happened...hope thing are okay with you and really hope you are enjoying you mini vacation (thought I hear it is very hot in BC).  Melinda

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Reply by Melinda
17 Jul 2014, 12:41 AM

  Dear Tracie
I have such awful sad news. Stan died this morning in hospital. I was by this side when he drew his last breath. I am so upset and absolutely exhausted but happy his is now at peace.
Melinda
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Reply by KathCull_admin
17 Jul 2014, 1:14 AM

Hello
My sympathy to you Melinda. Although I know you were expecting this for some time, it must still have been a shock for you and the family. I wish for you peace and rest Melinda.
Katherine  
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Reply by NatR
17 Jul 2014, 1:34 AM

Melinda 
I am so sorry to hear of your incredible loss - my thoughts and sympathy to you at this time  
I am sure you are in shock - but I know you are relieved your loved one is at peace -

take time to let it all sink in - Mother Nature seems to provide a bit of a buffer zone so we can function... Do what needs to be done and contine to post here as you may find that continued sharing is helpful - it's a journal of sorts - your story uniquely shared by strangers who understand loss and sadness

peace to you and a virtual hug 
natR  
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Reply by jorola
17 Jul 2014, 3:43 AM

Dear Melinda,

I am so sorry. I know this has been a hard road for both you and Stan. May he rest in peace.

You took excellent care of him now it is time to take care of you.

Thinking of you
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17 Jul 2014, 1:27 PM

Hi Melinda,

My thoughts are with you as you enter this next phase. Even the expected catches us by surprise and we feel unprepared for the road ahead. We're here when you need to talk to people who have been there. 
Take care,
Colleen 
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Reply by Xenia
17 Jul 2014, 5:20 PM

Dear Melinda:

I share your loss and send condolances.  

You will grieve and in time you will remember and relish the good times you had with Len and although you are hurting these moments will help carry you through your grief.

I am sorry I have not been responding to the messages as much as I was as John has been quite ill and then when I wanted to write the message board would not take my password.

Thankfully, Katherine and all the ladies at the site retified it and I am on line again.

Once again I share your loss and trust you will find comfort with all those who have loved Len and you and will be there to support you in your time of grief.

Xenia 
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