Hi Melinda,
There sure has been a lot of snow this year. So many people I talk to are very sick of winter. Although it's pouring rain here today at least we don't have to shovel it but it's certainly depressing.
It does seem strange that the chemo pills don't appear to be causing any side affects. It may just be that he has run the course on chemo. If nothing else, I guess the doctor had the sensitivity to allow Stan to hope that he still might beat this.
Those skin lesions must be a tough thing to deal with. About 5 years ago I had a lesion open up on the back of my ankle due to blocked arteries in my legs. Before that happened, they had determined that I had to go in and have a stent put in my one leg. The surgeon refused to do it because I was a smoker. As the specialist searched to find another one to do the procedure, the lesion opened up. It was so ugly and painful that I wouldn't even let Len see it. Finally they set me up for the procedure and I ended up with the same stupid surgeon who this time, performed it. I now have a really large ugly scar on the back of my ankle.
I think you're right that we all would prefer to pass away at home. I know when my mom was near the end that we discussed trying to get her home to her own bed.
As much as I knew that she would want that, I also was well aware of the amount of work that it entailed and that she was so weak that I don't think she could have handled being transported there. We managed about a week before she passed to get her outside into the sunshine but even that was a huge feat and very tough on her. As time goes on you will be able to judge just how much you can handle. It also depends on how strong Stan is. During the time that Len was ill and just after, I watched two other people just suddenly pass away even though they had been walking and talking earlier that day. There's just no way to know. I guess that's a good thing. You certainly do seem to be surrounded by a lot of nurses. At least you can hopefully get some answers from them on different issues.
As I was writing to you the other day I started remembering how things were in our early years.Len's best friend lived with us and all they did was drink all day. After I had our first child I had to return to work soon after because Len wasn't working and leave our tiny baby in their care. I was angry, resentful and worried every day about our little one. Finally, the guy moved out and I was relieved.They remained good friends even after Len quit drinking and against our better judgement this guy married Len's daughter. He did quit drinking and they had a little girl and all was good for awhile. The daughter kicked him out after taking up with a younger guy and he disappeared from our lives. We tried for years to find him with no success. We thought maybe he had drank himself to death or something worse had happened to him. When Len was diagnosed, I tried everything to find this guy and ran into dead ends everywhere. Last night my phone rang and when I looked at it to see who was calling, I nearly passed out. It was him! I nearly fell apart as I told him that he was too late. We spent an hour talking. He told me that he has colon cancer. He asked about his ex-wife and daughter and I told him that her and I had been looking for him too. Today they reconnected and she said that she will stand by him as he goes through his treatment. What a strange twist of events within such a short time.
It's good that you have an understanding boss and that you are able to think ahead so that most of your bases are covered. I often wonder how my life would be now if we had managed to set everything right before Len passed away. I have had to learn so much the hard way and mostly by myself. I know that once I finally get out from under everything that I will take the time to just heal before I start to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I think I've earned it. Still though, I have gained an inner strength that I didn't know I was capable of so I guess that that is the one positive in all of this.
I hope that you are having a peaceful evening curled up somewhere with a good book.
Hugs,
Tracie