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Reply by moderator | modératrice

14 Feb 2013, 9:03 PM

Hi Liticia, Lind and Marstin,

We haven't heard from you on this thread since Christmas and now we find ourselves marking another holiday that underlines the loss of our loves. Did you make special plans for yourself for St. Valentine's Day?

I heard on CBC radio this morning that many people were sharing stories about meeting their love. They asked the simple question - How did you meet your sweetie?

I thought sharing this memory might be a helpful way to mark the day together.

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Reply by marstin

14 Feb 2013, 11:15 PM

Hi Colleen,

The question 'how did you meet my sweetie?' brings a smile to my face. For Len and I, we met 24 years ago on Valentine's day through a mutual friend. I'm guessing that would be why he asked me to marry him last Valentine's day not because of the signifigance of the day but that it was when we first met. He was always such a romantic, so much more than me. We always celebrated our anniversary on the 24th of February as that was our first date when he cooked me a wonderful lobster dinner. I wasn't really wanting a relationship but as he so often pointed out, he chased me until I caught him. Three months later, we were expecting our first child. An old friend of his laughed about it at his memorial saying that Len had said he never wanted kids but once we were expecting he was so over the moon about it. He thrived on being a dad and his girls became his greatest gift.

Today has been a tough one and I find myself crying often as I see Len down on one knee with a huge bouquet of flowers and a box of Purdies chocolates asking me to marry him. Throughout the years he had bought me an engagement ring then bands with diamonds to go with it so although a ring was not in the budget this time, I truly did not need one. My reaction was one of shock as our girls stood by waiting for my answer. I must admit that at the time I was feeling so overwhelmed and depressed by his illness and our financial situation that I'm sure he was disappointed by my lack of enthusiasm. I did say yes, but I'm sure he was hurt that I wasn't overly excited. I still shake my head at my lukewarm reaction.

Today I pushed myself out of the door and bought candy for the girls at my favorite Tim Horton's. It's become a tradition on every special day and they all wait to see what I will bring. They are like family to me. My daughter's are planning on us having Valentine's dinner together so that I won't be alone. The youngest even got her boyfriend to celebrate yesterday so that she could be home with me. I made strawberries dipped in dark chocolate as a special treat for us. I know that it won't be the same, but I do know that I will be surrounded by love.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by moderator | modératrice

15 Feb 2013, 4:51 PM

Hi Tracie,

I'm so glad that my question brought a smile to your face. Thank you for sharing how you met Len. I love that he chased you until you caught him

It is hard to remember the good times without the hurt and pain of loss. But it is good to remember the good parts right?

We had chocolate fondue at our house last night, which has become a family tradition along with getting new pyjamas of all things. How did your girls like the chocolate dipped strawberries?

Talk soon.
Colleen

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Reply by marstin

15 Feb 2013, 6:37 PM

Hi Colleen,

Valentine's Day was so much better than I thought it would be. Both girls came home with chocolates and cards and beautiful bouquets of flowers for me. It was funny because they went our seperately yet both came home with identical bouquets of flowers. How incredible that they both wanted to do what Len would have done and recreated a typical Valentine's day for me. I am so blessed! We picked up heart shaped pizza's from Boston Pizza and brought them home so we could watch a sappy dvd together. Of course we followed that with the chocolate dipped strawberries,which they were thrilled with,and devoured most of them. The cards from them brought tears to my eyes as they spoke of how fortunate they feel to have me as their mom and how much they appreciate my love and support throughout this painful process. So much love.

Pajama's? What a unique idea! It makes me think of warm and fuzzy just like Valentine's day should be. Of course you need chocolate to make the day complete.

Have a wonderful day,
Tracie

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Reply by Plum1

19 Feb 2013, 4:38 PM

Dear Tracie,

I am so glad that Colleen reached out to you and allowed you to share the sacred story of Len's courtship, proposal, and romantic love throughout the years of your marriage.

As you described Valentin's Day with your daughters, I could picture it all, and feel the tremendous love between you. How very special that one celebrated ahead of time with her boyfriend so that she could be with you on the 14th. A very precious family you have!

As Colleen says, you walk the mystery of pain and joy In remembering the beauty and joy of your love, you feel the pain of loss. But who would want to give up that tremendous gift of loving?

I wonder whether you ever saw the movie Shadowlands. It is about the love story of a British professaor/writer - a true story. He meets his wife later in their lives, and she then dies of cancer. While she is dying, they have very powerful times together, and she makes a remark about the mystery of loving deeply being the flip side of pain. I may not be expressing it quite right, but the whole movie might be meaningful for you. It is very precious - as is every love story.

I hope that Valentine's Day strengthened you to carry on one day at a time, knowing that you are surrounded by love.

Do stay in touch. We are here to offer love and support as well.

Plum1

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Reply by Liticia

22 Feb 2013, 12:56 PM

Hi Coleen,

I am doing well. The little cat that I got brought a lot of joy to my life and he as a soul he wants to say something to me but we ll know cats don't talk. I remembered what we did on Valentines day last year.So this year My son came over with a rose and told me that he couldn't by a bouquet but bought this one because Jocelyn always bought me roses on St-Valentin day, so I went our for supper with my son.

I do a lots of travelling and take care of me a lot. I still cry for him, the pain is still there but softer it as been 8 months but it is so different for everyone.

My collegue at work is going threw the same thing with is Dad and I was happy to try to give him advice and tell him what would be hapenning. But those situations is hard it seems you ar living everything back again but it is ok if we can help because we undestand wath it is.

So read the stories here and sympatize with everybody. It as been 4 months that I have quit smoking I am so happy that I have accomplished this.

Thanks for asking how I was

Linda

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Reply by Plum1

25 Feb 2013, 7:24 PM

Dear Liticia,

It is good to hear that you are doing well just now, and what a beautiful story to hear of your son's sensitivity to you on Valentine's. He was not able to replicate what his father did, but brought his own love with the one rose. I am sure being together at dinner was a great gift.I hope your relationship with your son will remain close.

You are such a good example of how suffering and pain can open one's heart to compassion for others. How moving to hear that you are lsitening to the pain of your colleagues. Yes, they know that your care is genuine as you do understand so many of the feelings they may share. I am touched by your selflessness. Do you find that as you listen to others you experience healing in yourself? Perhaps as you open your heart to othrs, you also open your heart to yourself. Love is s0 amazing!

I will carry the love I expereince flowing from you into the rest of my day. And I trust that you will receive my love, admiration and support for you.

Plum1

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Reply by moderator | modératrice

28 Feb 2013, 6:20 PM

Liticia,
Félicitations on quitting smoking. How are you doing today? What mischief has that little kitten been doing? I hope he is still talking to you and bringing you joy.

Tracie,
And you? I see you have written to several other members of the community offering much appreciated supported. But how are you doing today?

Ladies, soon we won't need our flannel pyjamas. Spring is around the corner (I hope).
Talk soon.
Colleen

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Reply by marstin

01 Mar 2013, 8:22 AM

Hi Colleen,

Well, I made it through what would have been my 24 year anniversary with flying colors and today was our oldest daughter's 23rd birthday which was bittersweet. She happened to pick up my camera and was going through the photo's on it and there were pictures from her birthday last year with Len and my mom in them. We got a bit teary eyed but also shared some laughs about it. We made it through the dinner and gifts without falling apart yet admitting that there were gaps in our lives this year.

Oh my, what a rollercoaster ride life is. I can go to bed at night feeling like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown and yet morning comes and I can wake up feeling like I can conquer anything. Sometimes it's the other way around or in a matter of half an hour I can go through the whole gambit of emotions. It's so draining. Still, I keep waking up in the morning and putting my feet on the ground. I guess that's a blessing in itself.

Len's ex called last night and we talked for three hours. We have always gotten along so well and she sure can talk. Lol! She talked about what a great man he was and that although they had had a good relationship when they were together, that it was nothing compared to what him and I had. She said that he had absolutely adored me and I must admit that hearing what I already knew within my heart brought me sadness but also an overwhelming feeling of love. How many people can know in their hearts that they had something that special? I was so fortunate. His dedication was so rare.

I am slowly making the moves towards getting my house ready for selling. My niece has friends that have volunteered to come and paint the outside of the house for me and fix things up inside and out and take the pressure off of me. I also finally talked to our mortgage broker and told him that Len had passed away and that I was concerned about what would happen if I didn't get the house sold in time. He reassured me not to worry if I don't have it sold before the 1st of June, that he will talk to the lenders for me and plead my case. He seemed confidant that it wouldn't be an issue since I've been making the payments without fail. What a relief that all is. I have been stressing so badly and have been having major stomach aches from the fear of the unknown.

I love that we will soon be putting the flannels away for awhile. The longer daylight hours are now becoming obvious and it brings a sense of hope. Here on the 'wet coast', I get so excited when a glimmer of sunshine pops through and I want to run outside and work in the garden. It's not quite warm enough to do it but it sure does raise the spirits.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by Liticia

01 Mar 2013, 12:37 PM

Hi Eerybody,

Thanks for replying back. As we say I am doing good on the surface but inside their is all kinds of emotions. I am an insurance broker and ear so much of my insureds passing away and it gets to me I cry there are so young I sympatize so much with their family.

You never know what life as in store for you. I still ask my self why me, why him he was so young. Not everybody understand wath you are going threw. I have learned a lesson to enjoy every moment doing the things I like to do. If it take 10 weeks off vacation this year let's take it I told them after my 5 weeks paid to dock me after We don't live our life as we should. I am not a rich widow either but you know what when my husband was alive I would put money away every month for special things now I spend it as I go because you never know when you turn will come

Life goes on but everyday I think of him is photos are surroundingme at work, at home
doing our income tax and he usually was so excited to know How much he would get still getting is feeling from that

I travel a lot went to cuba in January, february was Atlantic City and March is Cancun with a good friend. April I don't know.

Thank you for taking news I am doing good but not great

Linda

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