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Reply by KathCull_admin

01 Jan 2014, 8:53 PM

What wonderful, comforting, encouraging words NatR - Thank you. ‘Living with grief and loss’ is such an apt title for this forum. That to me is what everyone is doing – living despite or perhaps because of grief and loss. Being a part of these virtual discussions has made the last few months very rich for me. I value each posting – whether a sadness, word of support, loss, grief, burden or joy. I look forward to continuing our conversations…..Hot chocolate anyone?

Katherine

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Reply by moderator | modératrice

01 Jan 2014, 9:09 PM

What a lovely message NatR. Thank you!

Also thank you for all you do for our community here on Virtual Hospice.
May 2014 be the best it can be for all of us.

I'd love to share a cup of hot chocolate Katherine!

Warm regards to all.
Colleen

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Reply by dragonfly4

01 Jan 2014, 11:23 PM

Happy New Year all,
Although, I'm struggling with what's happy about it! Yesterday ad today were particularily hard. My dad came into the city to spend the night, have family supper. It breaks my heart at how sad he is. I woke up this morning and he was sitting in a chair with his jacket on, ready to go home. He said he feels better when he is at their farm. I don't blame him, their house provides me with alot of comfort. So we got ready and out we went. Yesterday was hard b/c it was the end of a short time that we have been without mom and today was hard b/c I took him home and it marks the beginning of a long time without mom! We had a fierce hug and cry, I told him I miss her so much! It's not right that she isn't here. He told me he never imagined that Monday before she died that it would have turned out like it did. I guess noone is ever ready for death when it comes. For 2014, I will follow my mom's advice! If you like someone.....tell them! Don't put things off until tomorrow, get them done and spend time with the people you love! People think there are always tomorrows.......somehow we wake up one day and there isn't. Mom always said, keep getting up in the morning and love your children and be grateful for everything in my life, even the crappy stuff, don't stop being thankful. I have never met anyone more prepared for death than my mother. She had started writing her memories down, wrote each of us how she loved us. I'm so very thankful to be able to read that. She taught me everything I know, how to change a tire, bake bread, install a ceiling fan and grow a fine garden. She was my hero. I also wanted to say, how amazing this group and the people are! Death came for my mom and it appeared she was the only one who was ready, the rest of us have the leftover job of learning how to live without her. So everyday, I get up and read these messages and I cry! It's so nice to know others walk the same walk. so, I will keep listening and keep reading and replying as it helps.
You are all appreciated!
Lynne

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Reply by NatR

01 Jan 2014, 11:52 PM

Dear Lynne,

you are so right, on so many points. What's happy, what's good, what's tomortow going to be like....without your mom, without mine, I hear you Lynne.

your note is perfect, although I was saddened to read about you and your dad struggling through the days, I was so glad to read your advice, live for today, tell people you love them.

how sweet was your mom to teach you so much, and leave notes about her feelings for you. what a great gift.

I send you my thoughts and thank you for sharing your message for us all. Life is a gift, and none of us know when things will change. We only have today...the Present. Open it, live it, love it. Great advice - thank you for sharing.

your mom taught you skills like making bread, I can make a few cookies and tea, we can all sit around a Virtual fireplace, talking to real people going through difficult times. ;)

the door to the Forum is always open....take a seat, write a note, a friend will reply!
good evening all,

NatR
ps Colleen, Katherine thanks for your notes too:) we need hot chocolate at our party too!

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Reply by marstin

02 Jan 2014, 12:46 AM

Hi all,

First off I wish that we were able to have a 'like' button on here like there is on facebook because so often Nat will write something and I just sit in awe at the depth and the wonderful way she has at making words come alive. I'm in for the hot chocolate party!

Lynne, your dad and you seem to have a great realtionship. I never had that with my dad and wished I had. Someone talked to me recently about the need to be alone with their thoughts and I truly understood what they meant. Grief is such a personal thing and we all find our own ways to deal with all of the emotions so that we can try to make sense of it all. For your dad, it sounds like he just wanted to be in the comfort of his home to talk out loud to your mom when no one is looking and just absorb what has happened.

How fortunate you are that your mom was able to leave you messages that you can look at time and time again. It sounds like she was such a thoughtful loving mom. I find that when I am missing my mom the most, I close my eyes and remember all that she taught me in life and how even though it rarely showed except when necessary, her strength to stand up for what she believed in. This is what has gotten me through so much this past year and a half. Your mom has given you a legacy to do what is right, be what is right and always live in the moment. Each time you do the things that your mom gifted you with the knowledge to do, you will think of her and in time.....you will smile as your heart swells with the love that she placed in there.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by mymothersdaughter

12 Jan 2014, 3:53 AM

Hello, I do know how you feel. I wonder how you are doing now as I see the date being Oct and now it's Jan. I too have a son who had to see his grandmother go through the process. This broke my heart, not only for him but for me. I tried to be strong for everyone and now I am falling apart. My husband could not take it anymore so he has no real idea of what I went through and now going through. Please take care of yourself and know there are others who are in the same situation as you are. I just found this site today as I am looking for others for help and conversation.

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Reply by NatR

12 Jan 2014, 4:50 AM

Hello mymotherskerper,

welcome to the forum. I send you condolences on the loss of your mom, that's such a hard thing to have happen just before Christmas. Feel free to share your feelings here, there are several members who will answer and more importantly, they will listen to you.

its so hard to lose a loved one, but especially your mom. It affects everyone, you, your children, and I don't know if you have siblings...perhaps you do.

Maybe you can share a bit more about your story. You mentioned your son - how is he doing? He must be worrying about you, seeing your sadness, as well as having lost his grandma.

we all seem to handle grief in different ways, but we all feel it...and for some it seems like it will always hurt this bad. I hope you will feel the strength from the forum members, and post a note when you are able.

Do you have any counselling available in your town? Or a group meeting of some kind?

for now, please continue to share your feelings and I am sending my thoughts your way.
sincerely
NatR

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Reply by KathCull_admin

17 Mar 2014, 2:49 PM

Hello everyone,

A new member started a thread last evening neverstoplovingmom. She is grieving her hardworking, much loved mom who died a month ago. I know that for some of you, this may not be the right time, but as you are able to, could you respond to her post?

As always thank you

Katherine

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