I find some of these heart-breaking stories so difficult to read.
My 2nd husband ( my ex-husband died just after this hubby's surgery in Feb.), has Stage II prostate cancer, is the light of my world. I am having anticipatory grief right now. I am preparing.
I have vowed to live each day as if it is our last.
I know that I do much for him and we tell each other every day how grateful we are for each other.
When we lose a loved one, it is difficult not to have our loss impact on our families. I would strongly suggest that you get some counselling. Just as we often find it difficult asking for help with caregiving, it is difficult if we do not get help with grieving if we need it.
There is so much I could suggest for you. There are lots of people and groups out there.
Our local hospice runs a bereavement program. I helped facilitate an Expressive Arts Grief program for 6 - 12 year olds who'd lost someone. (In one case it was a grandfather who had sexually abused them.)
This program, and these programs are usually free or subsidized. Some people choose one-on-one counselling, and that is good, too.
I found that all the time I was taking care of mom's needs (she, too, denied her ill-health), then managing her executor-type things, I wasn't grieving. I was checking things off of my list, then moving on to the next task. It sounds like you have done the same thing. You defer your grief, making sure you get your work done.
You are ready to do your grief work, it seems. You just have to find a safe place for it, where you aren't worrying your child and hubby, with a little bit of support. There are so many people out there to help.
I wish you all the best.
Again, your local hospice group, they will be able to help you. They aren't just there for support while someone is dying. Ask around. You need to take the first step.