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lost from a broken heart 
Started by my rock
01 Sep 2014, 7:37 PM

My wife passed away on augs 8 at 3 pm 2014 she battled 3 cancers and beat them

she was also fighting chrons,high blood pressure.shes been fighting these battles for

at least 8 years .her last battle came one day by pulling on my lazy boy chair to sweep

under it an hurt her arm after a few weeks she fnally gave in an was giving flash radiation

right away for the pain.A week later they took a complete body scan.Thay found spots on

her arm above 1 eye on her liver and stomach We waited for a room.they gave her 4

 treatments but had to stop because her white blood cells where almost at o and her blood

gluiton the same.The Doctors seem to have it under control but my wife new better.

she told her daughte our youngest and her best friend not to let them pump heavy pain

killers in her because she wanted to be alert until the end .so my daughter and I made that

happen.my wife was my rock she never had a  negative moment in her life she always kept

life positive for her hole famially we were married 41 years  she was the type of woman

that would hop out of a car and give 5 or 10 dollars to a miss fortunate or bring a famially

in our home if they where hungry many times she did this but at age 59 I lost her. Our whole Famially was there when she passed She was the better half of my life Im lost

and hurting every day without my rock !We did everything together. We were suppose to retire next year and enjoy our old age together .

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Reply by KathCull_admin
01 Sep 2014, 8:37 PM

Dear my rock,
What huge sadness for you and your family.  Doing the math it sounds like you and your wife knew each other for most of your lives.  So many memories and then to have your time together cut short - seems so unfair.

I am glad you found our community. Here you will find others who understand the loss of someone much loved, like Sadlou  who started the thread So very sad and Caitee who started the thread Struggling with my loss... 

Although everyone’s story is different, these are people who understand and who will support  you


Do your children or friends, other family members live nearby who support you? 


Katherine

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Reply by my rock
01 Sep 2014, 8:48 PM

Hello

Yes I have Three Daughters who live near and my Mom  as well .We are all trying to be there for each other but I think we all grieve in different ways but talking does seem to help for a while.

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Reply by missie
01 Sep 2014, 11:57 PM

It's good you came to this forum, rock. You can sound off as much you like without any judgement. My situation was similar to yours, mainly the cancer for my boyfriend,who I lost couple months ago. We also did everything together,like you, and I also feel ripped off that we never got a chance to grow old together. There's no easy pill to help with the
profound sadness you feel. You do have 3 daughters, and you will grieve differently...however you all loved her....Aug.8 is very new and there are going to be times you just don't know where to turn or go. By what you say about your wife, very compassionate,never negative--sounds just like my boyfriend I have to add, try to envision her being there beside you whenever you do something for yourself that she would be happy you did. It's all little things..like you ate something that was healthy, you got yourself out for a walk. You MUST be gentle with yourself, allow the grief to come out, it is just too hard to bottle it up. Let it out and cry. People out there do NOT understand grief, I am amazed by that, it's an emotion we all deal with at some point in our lives.
Don't let them dictate what you should do. Myself, I kind of hibernate as I was dealing with his cancer for many months (liver and stomach) and it takes an enormous amount of energy out of you.. now that he's gone, well, I cry for me now because I miss him so much. I DO know how you feel, we all do here, and that's something a lot of people can't say that;s in your life, except for your daugthers of course.
Wish there was an easier way. I tried getting it out with a counsellor, but it didn't work for me,but it might for you..or a grief support group if you can find one in your area,,you can also keep coming here, we do get it. You will feel directionless right now,but little by little you will find small things to keep you occupied to help you deal with it,but above all be patient and kind to yourself..
In support, Missy. 
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Reply by missie
02 Sep 2014, 12:08 AM

By the way, Rock, my story is under
Having a Hard Time dealing with boyfriend gone, if you like to see other "ideas"
I suggested on how to try to deal with it all. I wrote those very soon after my boyfriends
death, so I was new like you. It's the best I can do at the moment.
Take care of yourself...
Missy
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Reply by NatR
02 Sep 2014, 1:48 AM

Dear rock,
i am sending you my sympathies in your recent loss:( I know you will find good friends and support here.  We all try to listen and help - when others can't seem to say or do the right thing - here everyone has experienced loss, grief, and we don't judge anyone.

you are in a safe place
it's so hard to have had such a long life and lose your partner and wife.  There is nothing fair or easy about sickness and loss of our loved ones.

please post as you feel led, and we will do our best to listen.
you are not alone
sending you my thoughts
NatR 
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Reply by eKIM
02 Sep 2014, 3:41 PM

Hello, “Rock”


I am writing with the hope that I might offer some comfort to you.


I must say that it is impossible for me to imagine what you are going through – although “lost, with a broken heart” describes very well what my reaction would be.  Nonetheless I am reaching out to you.


We have one thing in common.  We are two men who realize that “Our Rock” was the better part of us.  I have been married to my rock for 45 years now and I have always depended on her for everything.  We have two daughters and four grandsons.


I think that I would have a very difficult time of it.  Sometimes I wonder if it is harder for men than for women – at least for men (like me) who overly-depend on our wife.


I do know however that I would “make it” and be able to “carry on”, but I also know that it would require great effort and great support from others.  It would be the hardest thing that I would ever do, however, it would be absolutely necessary and the end result would be well worth it.


Reaching out to others here at Virtual Hospice is a good thing to do. 


I am happy to see that you have family to support you.


I have volunteered at our local hospice for the last four years and I have spoken to hundreds of people who have undergone loss.  Certain common themes run through this experience.


Everyone, that I spoke with (without exception) who has joined a bereavement group told me that their journey was made much, much easier.  The best people who can understand your pain are those who are undergoing it or who have undergone it. 


The benefit is not only short term.  Oftentimes people will continue to meet after the initial eight weeks and will support each other for years to come.


Have you decided to join such a group?


Please continue to reach out to us here at Virtual Hospice anytime at all.  In the meantime I send you thoughts of peace and hope and loving-kindness.


-       eKim

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Reply by my rock
03 Sep 2014, 1:28 AM

Thank you for all the support and readying you have given me.we all suffer from our loses. it is great to have a chance to talk to people about the hard times.the biick walls you face and cant seem to concentrate on weither to turn left or right or stair for an hr its like doing  a 2000 piece puzzle half disapears where do you start .because that puzzel will  never be the same.did you go to bed at night and fell a tug on the bed or a shift on the other side of the bed  or see a feather at your feet or in a door way these are feelings i have my wife always would say I love my house i believe shes still here and Im proud of it and watch for it she is my rock

 

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Reply by Mark99
03 Sep 2014, 7:57 PM

Rock
Your loss is our loss since we all know about loss and grief and grieving. It is why we are here and why we share to help ourselves and each other. At the same time this exercise of sharing is in fact the process of healing. Though to be honest my wife passed away August 7, 2011 and there are times it feels the same. The same sense of loss and hurt and pain. Yet there is a reality, the times between the bouts of loss become wider and the memories less abject. And they become memories of smiles and love not fear and loss. But that is not to say three years later I am not hurting some days some moments. And on my bikes ride do not shout out her name Donna!

 

A close and dear friend told me at the time of Donna’s passing not to deny or hide from all the raw emotions. Go with them because to resist is to persist. I know for me I have written and spoke and shared what was going on and it helped. Please share here with family friends etc. Scream if you must. Bottom line is, be at one with yourself be close to your emotions as you were with your wife. I think you may find the pain subsides somewhat and becomes memories. 

 

I worry that I am becoming immune to my memories of Donna and our life. But my friends noted that the memories are still there it is that I am changing and memories are molding to me and not controlling me. In the end share, talk, write, do not isolate or deny that is rich vein of loss and what we have memories. Be well my friend.  
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Reply by my rock
04 Sep 2014, 1:04 AM

I thank you for your kind words and understanding from you all My wife was my rock and one of th most loving  and kindness person I have known all my life my hard time right now is seeing her face turn towards me in pain when they had to touch her where it was really tender or see her breathig shallow and hard for every breath for 2 days before she passed but another side was when she had a fever and she was burning up in the face and I ran over with 3 wet towels put one on her forhead and she said thats nice thenI put one on her left face and she said that is nicer  then on her right face aw thats the nicest she was rapped up with her little smile coming through the cold face clothes.Its not all my pain i feel for its every one hear staying in this group helps remove some of the weight in my heart my memories for Mary Ann will aiways be with me. God please release the pressure from my new friends hearts and help them through there hard times

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