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Reply by NatR

23 Mar 2019, 11:15 PM

Dear barbcurt

thank you for sharing your feelings and your experience as you try to navigate a new landscape. I can understand your lonely feelings and your deep grief. I know nothing anyone says can relieve your loss / but hopefully it helps inspire you to take on each day as it comes - and know that you aren’t alone.

thank you for sharing your journal, I do believe it will help you - no matter where you write your feelings - here, in a book, on your computer- it is a way of getting those feeding out and trying to keep moving forward

your loss, anyone’s loss is so important to each one of us - it’s our way of getting through the tough times .. and I hope one day you will be able to say it is a tiny bit more bearable.

grief comes in waves - at least in my experience and each of us has our own individual path - I applaud you for your bravery and your spirit ... it will help you get through ...

just know I send you my thoughts and hope that you know - your words helps the next person who reads them, who writes in to the board - we all support each other

sending you a virtual hug and hope that tonight you rest a little easier. You are not alone
sincerely
NatR 👍🏻🌹

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Reply by barbcurt

24 Mar 2019, 12:10 AM

Thank-you so much NatR. You cannot begin to fathom how much your continued support means to me. Your responses make me cry but at the same time inspire hope of a better time to come. Although i write to help mitigate the pain that I endure, I do truly hope that others will find my words useful.
You are a blessing. I do appreciate the virtual hugs. I need all the support I can get but at the same time, I want to offer what I can to others. Quite frankly, these feelings are devistating. Currently enduring this I can sympathize with others and can only try to offer the hope that some day will come. Through my suffering I must try to 'pay it forward' anf offer any support to others as you have done to me.
I honestly do not know what would happen to me without the support that you have shown. Thank you so much.

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Reply by NatR

24 Mar 2019, 3:25 AM

Hello barbcurt

glad that we can support each other. You are welcome.
Life is a lot better when we can share, care, and let out the hurts and sadness. You don’t realize it, but your journey will help touch others as you continue to move forward. I wish you peace tonight. we could all avoid pain if we didn’t form loving relationships- but how empty life would be. We must begin, nurture, and sadly end the best parts of life - but without love ❤️ in it, life would be bleak indeed.

one Thing I have learned - is that we can move forward, and we can take what we learn with us - and offer support to others
hoping you will keep the conversation going as the weeks pass, share what helps, share the ups as well as the downs
glad some conversation here helps a little
rest and sleep 😴
best
NatR

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Reply by chucky667

28 Mar 2019, 12:34 PM

Hi there,

I'm currently training to be a hospice volunteer and stumbled across your posts on this website. I just wanted to reach out to you and say that your story touched me and I am so sorry you are suffering through this devastating loss. It sounds like you and your wife have what I call "magic love" - an extra special connection, that few are lucky to experience. I cannot fully understand what you are going through, but I hear your story and empathize with your pain. I guess I just wanted you to know that people out here care. *hug*

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Reply by barbcurt

05 May 2019, 2:49 AM

I was unsure if I would post today. I was hoping everything might be just like any other day or weekend. Grief does not know one day from another. I felt I needed assistance in coping so I went to a group session. Only a small one, eight very nice people. You have no idea how extremely hard this was for me to do. I didn't talk very much but I walked away knowing there are others suffering as I do. Surprisingly I found a few things in common that I could relate to. It did help some.

I mention the group because of the sufferring i knew what was to follow. Today is my wife's birthday. The first one without her. Tomorrow would have been our 26th anniversary. I will continue to count them as I can't really let go. It is definitely a struggle. It is at this time I am reminded of how devistating the loss of my wife is to me. Not really something I look forward to in the future, each year, continuing to miss her.

I am sorry I cannot sound more upbeat and offer hope to others that things will get better but, honestly, right now, I don't see the silver lining. One more day to go. I know I will make it and it hurts me that I realize that. I knew certain times of the year would be more difficult than others but...

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Reply by NatR

05 May 2019, 3:09 AM

Hello barbcurt,
glad you wrote - and I totally get the reasons you reached out to a group, and to the forum. Anniversaries and special days are most painful. I can’t tell you it will get easier, I can’t tell you it will heal. I can tell you that you will survive .. that your journey will become a support for others who need your insight and experience

we all survive loss and as hard as it is - we go on. I only speak from my own ❤️ and I know you will be able to encourage others dealing with the same loss .

life is for a time, not forever- I know the pain of special days is hard - I ask you to be gentle with yourself
The one positive is that - without having loved, we would miss out on so much.
be strong and take one day at a time -

it’s a good thing that you are reaching for support during difficult dates, that says a lot about you. i wish you the Very best as you go through this process
sending you best wishes - don’t be too hard on yourself ok?
hugh and best wishes
natR

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Reply by barbcurt

05 May 2019, 3:47 AM

NatR - Thanks again for your support. It truly means a lot. I have been sitting here thinking about this. The loss of my dear wife has really affected me and made me realize how special she was. Her last job before she retired was a caregiver. From day one when I met her she was always so compassionate and truly caring. This was her, not someting she had to do, she was truly a caring person.
Me on the other hand, not so much. When I met her, all my attention was focused on her. All I wanted to do was make life better for her. Simple. I think back at what a beautiful person she was and know she would appreciate the change in me. Even maybe proud.
Through my sufferring and her example, I have tried to become a better person, not only sharing my tribulations but to be compassionate to others. There is a fellow employee who sufferred a loss and when we talk I always try to pass along what i have learned.
Loss definatley changes your life. All I can do is move forward and hope that all I do would make my honey proud of me. In truth, I am really lost without her. Any help I can give others that I think would make her proud of me I will try to do.

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Reply by nativecasinos

14 Jan 2020, 12:20 PM

Great

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