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end stage liver disease  
Started by MelissaAnn
31 Dec 2015, 8:44 PM
I feel alone and scared 
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Reply by linda*
31 Dec 2015, 11:46 PM
for sure you're not alone, MelissaAnn.

what scares you?
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Reply by linda*
01 Jan 2016, 2:28 PM
me again.
I'm a slow thnker.

you're not alone in being afraid.
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Reply by heatherh2408
04 Jan 2016, 2:29 AM
Hi Melissa, I'm glad you joined us.  I'm sorry you're feeling alone and scared.  Iwas wondering if you could share a little more about your situation.  Is it you or someone close to you that is living with this cancer?  if you want to share more, I'm a good listener, and I want you to know that you're not alone.

((((hugs))))
Heather 
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Reply by KathCull_admin
10 Jan 2016, 3:48 AM

Hello
MelissaAnn, I met you on another thread, but your words on this thread have stayed me.  Like Heather2408 I am sorry you are feeling alone and scared.  Those two feelings often go together.


Shell92108 started Stage IV HCV Disease with Stage I Hepatoma a couple of years ago.  It has not been active recently but from the title of this thread, I thought you might be interested.


This is a safe community MelissaAnn – would it help some of your fear and loneliness to talk with us? We are listening – you are not alone.


Katherine



 

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Reply by linda*
16 Jan 2016, 11:19 PM
I feel bad that you're alone and scared.
I hope that changes.
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Reply by MelissaAnn
06 Feb 2016, 5:32 PM
Thank you so much. I have not been sure I was ready to talk, but I feel that I am. I  don't know why I feel so alone, I have a loving husband and 3 wonderful boys. Maybe because when it's all said and done I will be gone sooner than I wanted and I will probably never see the families my children will form and be part of those beautiful lives.
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Reply by linda*
06 Feb 2016, 7:10 PM
hi MelissaAnn.
I was hoping you'd re-appear here.

what I think about why you feel so alone:
1) you are alone, ultimately.  you (we) are born alone, we die alone, and in between we're alone in our own minds.  fortunately, the in-between part has partners & kids & life for sharing.  weird,eh?  we're ultimately alone but we all get to be alone together.  (not meaning to belittle your personal alone-ness, just marvelling at it all).
                   2) you're in a special place.

it's sad to think about those beautiful lives carrying on without us.
how old are your boys?
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Reply by heatherh2408
06 Feb 2016, 9:08 PM

Hi MelissaAnn,


As I was reading your message here today, I felt a word that is something I use to describe my own feelings at times: hiraeth; a Welsh word used to describe a feeling of longing or a homesickness for something or somewhere in the past or perhaps not even ever experienced.  Grief has been described in so many ways, and I prefer to think of it as a ribbon that doubles back on itself, rather than a straight line.  it's very important for me to acknowledge all my feelings, and to feel them, without questioning whether others might think them silly, or that I wasn't right in the head!


I'm so blessed, and yet I still grieve the passages of my life.  Yesterday we listed our house with a real estate agent and, as I signed my name, I realized that it was exactly 7 years to the day since my first surgery for breast cancer.  That sent me down memory lane, let me tell you.  I have lived in this house for only 12 years, and yet it is the longest period of time I have lived in one place.  This is the house which wrapped its arms around me, where I felt safe as I experienced death and birth, acceptance of my own mortality, and where I grew up emotionally and spiritually. Grandchildren have had sleepovers, eaten ice cream for breakfast, built inukshuks.  I got married from here 6 1/2 years ago.  I have experienced fear, and I have experienced the depths of faith, and I have experienced the brilliant sunlight of the spirit I call hope.


I don't think it will ever be easy to leave the things yet to come which will not come in my lifetime, just as it hasn't been easy to help my Mom die, or my sister.  I love what linda* said, above, about our ultimate aloneness and how we are alone together.  I believe my acceptance of that has helped me understand the difference between alone and lonely.  And, although it tugs at my heartstrings to think of the life passages of my son, his wife, my grandchildren, and, of course my husband, they will happen, with or without me.  And it's OK for me to feel whatever feelings come up.  


You are both in my thoughts and prayers, so please keep coming back here to tell us how you're feeling.


((((hugs))))


Heather


 

 

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Reply by linda*
12 Feb 2016, 2:42 PM
still thinking of you, MelissAnn.
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