Dear Lilbear,
I just want you to know that I am also hearing your feelings and concerns and want to understand and support you as much as I can. The others have said all that i would express. You are a tremendous daughter, caregiver, and human being! This has been a very long and stressful journey for your family. You have all made such huge adjustments to handle the changing health needs of your parents. Your love for each other seems to have given you the strength up to now, and will probably continue to sustain you. However, you certainly are needing help beyond your family.
I am glad that you are in touch with the local hospice. It would be wonderful if the hospice would admit your father, or at least offer a number of extra services.
And I am glad that your mother's doctor is following her closely. It must be a great relief that the anti-anxiety meds are making a difference. I hope she will get a good deal of sleep.
And how is your sleep? Are you getting adequate rest? Do you have a doctor who is following you closely? Would you like to ask for a counselor's help? The hospice may be able to provide such help.
The issue of your brother's infrequent presence is a very familiar one. Most daughter's will share with you that somehow the bulk of care of parents falls to the daughter. It seems to be in the nature of life. My brother is very caring, and does what he can, but his time available is limited. I cannot really judge your brother, but the timing of his holiday does seem rather insensitive. I am glad you are able to express your feelings just as they are. The release may bring you some greater freedom, and energy to continue in your caring.
Please know that my thoughts and love are with you and your family at this most painful time.
Plum1