Discussion Forums

Almost at ropes end 
Started by sickness
08 Jun 2013, 3:46 PM

My husband is a trooper!  He has been fighting this frickin cancer for 10 years!! He has stage4 colon cancer spread to his liver ..he is now palliative! But at home..beginning of year drs gave him 3 months , but he is a survivor and still here!! I just hope and pray tat he makes it to our sons graduation ..grade 12.. At end of month...
my whine for today is.... I am fried and stressed to the max.... I had the discussion with my son this evening that he needs to step up to the plate and when grass needs cutting, weed whacked, etc ...I need him to help out.    He is 17.5 in school and has a part time job...  He said when I can, I will..now he has become very quiet with me and I bet he has a hard day in school tomorrow!    My daughter whose 16 and in school also part time job was also given same talk....she is now in her room crying...why us..I need to see my friends..I'm being unfair!!! She too will have a pissy day at school tomorrow!

Did I go about this the wrong way?    I don't know what to do.... I know this is not about me and these petty issues....after all my husband is the one dying!   How do I keep going and be there for everyone!!!!   I also work full time right now they changed his treatment and doing really good... So I don't want to take time off when it's  really not warranted.  He is scheduled for a CT scan on Monday...this scares me...cause after that they decide if treatment helping and continue chemo or stop treatments!!  
Report this post      
Reply by moderator | modératrice
08 Jun 2013, 3:59 PM

Dear sickness,

Such trying times. Of course, grass cutting seems petty in light of the bigger picture. But such things need to be tended to as well. And it is these things that wear us down. It's not arbitrary that we have the saying - the straw that broke the camel's back, right.

Reading about your teenage son and daughter reminded me of this thread started by CarolynMarie. The thread talks about many things, but helping kids cope comes in several times throughout the 5 pages.

Comfort/ Support or Help for Teens?

Your kids might also find this website helpful. http://www.teensanddeath.com/ It is managed by the Nanaimo Community Hospice Society, but written just for teens.

You aren't going wrong anywhere. You and your children are allowed to think about your needs too. I'm sure your husband wants you to.
Report this post      
Reply by NatR
11 Jun 2013, 4:27 PM

Dear sickness,

I hear your...I read your note and it sounds like my life.   We as caregivers take on more than we should...we struggle...we break down...we ask others to pick up the slack because it seems like they arent doing quite as much as we are.

Your kids...are probably having a tough time with what is happening at home too..
This is a trying time for you all.   Stress takes its toll on each person...and its not easy.  You arent wrong, they arent wrong, you all have a lot on your plate.

I know that getting the results of tests can be terrifying..but honestly...it will give you a clear picture of what is going on...it is better to know..than to not know...then you can make your decisions based on what  you learn.

Keep writing..keep talking...keep sharing...I know its really hard to be holding everyone together...you need to know that you arent alone.

Hugs sent your way..
Report this post