Hi all Today my husband actually asked to go for a walk beside the water and it was a beautiful day. It took alot for him to muster up the energy. The day concluded with more bad news as the results of his cancer markers took a huge jump up. My husband found out last thursday and kept it to himself through Easter weekend then shared it with me. I feel like I am in a boxing ring and the punches of cancer keeps pounding me and him and when will the last knock out happen. He had a ct scan last saturday and we were suppose to get the results yesterday but being a long weekend here in Canada the specialist didn't get it yet. He said if the markers are still up then they will have to bring out the big guns to fight this. When do you know enough is enough. My husband is having his chemo for over the next 3 days which is the same since Dec. that has maintaing the cancer but the cancer is outsmarting it. We knew from the start this could happen and now here we are facing end of life coming. I feel blessed he has lived past the time they gave us. They didn't think he would live to see our anniversary in Oct 2015 but as I try to cherish and find a moment of happyness in the day, each day that comes the heartbreak of going to loose him is becomming more real. His mood is changing and even simple things like me driving him to his appointments he is trying to control how and where I drive. He knows he will loose his liscence and it really for him is a huge blow but a necessary one for safety. It is hard for us both because we have no control over what is happening and our lives are forever changed. I have read alot of others posts and I do find looking at photos and reminicing the funny times we have had and far we have come helpful for the both of us for some stress release. I think that might just be why my hubby wanted to be by the water as I use to live on Vancouver Island and we fell in love there and spent so much time at the water throughout our lives and with our children too. My dad passed away at 69 and I tought that was way too young and here my husband is 66 and I worry for our kids the loss. We have lost children which was devasting to us both and for our surving children now to loose their dad brings me to a darker place. I feel guilty not knowing what to do for them all over again. Well I'm heading to try and get a few hours sleep as sleeping for me is also an emotional roller coaster. Stay strong everyone.