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Grief in Times of Celebration 
Started by highlanddancermom40
13 Dec 2010, 11:48 PM

Just want to let everyone know that my thoughts and prayers are with you everyday but especially now during the holiday season.
I am a rather new member to this website and have found it to be a source of comfort for me in dealing with questions and concerns I have about my sister's cancer.
To all "Happy Holidays" or "Merry Christmas"!

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Reply by kathykastner
17 Dec 2011, 9:50 PM

'tis a season of emotions and memories: My parents died within a week of one another, although several years apart. My father January 7, mother New Year's Day. So, every year, 'round Christmas time, my sibs and I get together and talk about their considerable positive influence, recall moments and argue about other moments - each of us remembering differently. There are hugs, tears and laughter. It's a wonderful legacy

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Reply by moderator | modératrice
18 Dec 2011, 7:01 PM

Thank you Kathy for sharing how you and your siblings honour your parents, especially during the holidays. 

In our Topics section, Rev. Dr. Glen R. Horst shares more ideas about ways to live through the holiday season: Grief in Times of Celebration: The Empty Spot

How about other people? How do you honour you loved ones?

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Reply by GirlWithTheBlackBeret
23 Dec 2011, 3:29 PM

My Mom died of cancer five years ago. I miss her most during the holidays, because it was her favourite time of year.

My siblings and I have carried on a few of her traditions, such as one of us buys amarilys bulbs for the 3 of us and we have a growing "contest". My Mom also like to put gag gifts or embarassing things in our stockings. My brother is most fond of this tradition and one year stuck Ex-lax and Immodium in my sister's and my stockings. My sister inherited my Mom's artificial Christmas tree and box of decorations. She is going to divide up the box once I get a place big enough to fit a full sized tree.

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Reply by Serena_1
23 Dec 2011, 11:21 PM

Since my parents passed away over 20 years ago, every year that goes by, the list of relatives no longer with us grows longer. When we get together as a family, for the holidays, we first observe a minute of silence, and then we have the children (or the youngest members) from every family light a candle in their honour. Afterwards we share memories of them with all around the table. This also allows the young ones to know a bit more of some close relatives they never had a chance to meet or that they can’t remember because of their young age. 

It is always hardest when someone passed away close to the holidays, but somehow, sharing this kind of ritual, makes us all feel closer to one another and, at the same time, closer to our departed loved ones.

By being so close, we also feel that we truly honour their legacy and the importance of strong family bonds they always cherished.

My warmest wish to all that are going through the holidays for the first time after a loss is to find your own meaningful way to celebrate the life of your loved one, which will bring back peace and comfort to your heart and smiles to your face.

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Reply by moderator | modératrice
22 Dec 2014, 3:26 PM

Today is the first anniversary of my father's death. He passed in the middle of the night during a raging ice storm. We haven't built our traditions yet, but I was very thankful to be with my mother last night when the unpleasant memories of the night last year came flooding back.

Maybe our tradition will be to get up in the middle of the night, turn on the gas fire and share a cup of honey and hot water and hug, while remembering the better times.

I look forward to the day when my mom's pain doesn't hurt quite as much.
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Reply by oldbat
23 Dec 2014, 2:11 AM

Hi Colleen,

What a sad day for you, and for your mother.  And how lucky you are to have each other.  The tradition you suggest sounds good, even better maybe with real tea and a shot of something just a tad stronger! 

I am sure that your presence does mitigate you mom's pain, just as hers must help you.  Hold each other tight and remember the good times.  They will come again.  You both deserve them.

A big Christmas hug to you both,

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